Feb 21, 2011 - 5:57 pm
hi everyone, can anyone help? my partner of 5 years split up with me last september saying that he still loved me but wasnt in love with me anymore. he blamed things on the situation we were in and it wasnt untill after christmas that he finally told me that he had had 5 lumps removed , 1 from the lower throat, 2 from the colon and 2 from the testicles. he then said that 1 came back cancerous but told me not to ask him about it as he didnt want to talk or explain things although he did tell me that the chemo started early october. hes been so moody with me since the split and because i didnt know about the cancer to start off with it was very difficult to accept his behaviour . he kept telling me that hes moved on and that i had to do the same and accept that its over etc .when i found out about the cancer i natually wanted to help but all i got when i offered was " dont want or need your help ,i just want to be left alone " yet when other people offered he would thank them and say that he appreciated it. the more i tried to do things to help the more he pushed me away untill it got to the point where i just gave up and totally blanked him. i felt guilty especially after reading some of the messages on this site as i know his behaviour is not unusual for someone suffering with cancer but it was upsetting me too much at the time especially as we used to be so close and tell each other everything no matter how personal. after ignoring him for about 3 weeks (even when he came over to say hello) he finally told me that the cancer was in the larynx and that he has 2 more months of chemo left. so why have i asked for help ??? well basically i was wondering whether anyone else had been through a similar experience either as a sufferer or as a carer and if so can you give me any advice on how to cope with the mood swings and how best to help or support him without winding him up also whether you think things may improve once the treatment stops etc. any help or advice would be very much appreciated , i know hes going through hell but its not easy for me watching the man i love so much go through something like this on his own . i just want to be there for him and desperately want him back.