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Live Again

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

Feeling nothing
Lonely empty
You try to walk away but you fall
You cannot understand what's this for

In this world I see it more
The pain you feel that I have known

You see my face and then you see nothin'
Confused. you turn and live on
I turn my face
You're staring back and then
Look at yourself and live again

Can't see me. you feel me
Want me. you'll find me
I'll be your everything
When you call
You'll need me more & more
When you fall

In this world I see it more
The pain you feel that I have known

You see my face and then you see nothing
Confused you turn and live on
I turn my face
You're staring back and then
Look at yourself and live again

How many times have you looked
At yourself and felt mistreated
How does it feel to know that
This life of yours is real
All of your life you've been led
To believe your nothin'
So look at yourself and start to live again

You see my face and then you see nothing
Confused you turn and live on
I turn my face
You're staring back and then
Look at yourself and live again

If you don't change you'll be nothin'

So look at yourself and live again

I turn my face
You're staring back and then

So look at yourself and live again

Sevendust "Live Again" from the album Animosity

Patrick passed in the wee hours of the morning today. I left the door open most of the morning so he could go after. This song is his and was playing when his body was taken. It fits him.

I'm not sad that he's gone as his body gave out long before his spirit did. He's at work now and he's happy, so that makes me happy. I'm sure on his break he'll look in on me.

And if smiling is a crime right now, put me in jail. He's free now and we are both at peace.

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Dear April,
How can my heart be heavy and light at the same time light for you and Pat? Darling Girl, you both fought so valiantly, through your posts I feel as though we're friends; I've both laughed and cried along with your story.

Pat is no longer suffering, no longer in pain, and probably is having a long talk with Mike right about now. Both of them will be smiling down on us forever. My prayers have been with you these past weeks, as I know you've remembered me. May God hold you in the palm of His hand and bless you with the peace and serenity you deserve.

All my love,
Penny

DrMary's picture
DrMary
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2010

from despair many times during my bad times - you and Patrick were both an inspiration to me. Hugs and tears from us.

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1561
Joined: Nov 2009

Dearest April
Let me first send you my most heartfelt sympathies on your loss of Patrick. I am happy to hear that you are smiling, because Pat is too. You are both happy that his pain, suffering, and cancer are gone. Jesus made us a promise. God does not break his promises. Those of you who believe in me will be forever eternal. We will see our loved ones again. Listen to the country song.."Cryin for You" by Trace Atkins, I believe. It so hits home. It says...I will see you on the "other side." Yes, you will. My dad and your Pat are both needing to keep busy. My dad was a farmer, a mechanic, a welder. I think they will get along just fine. And tonight when you look up at the stars, remember one of those bright stars is Pat looking down at you. Love and many hugs to you and your family. The next few weeks are going to be hard. May God give you the strength to carry on at this most difficult time. Please stay in touch. Keep coming to these discussion boards and chat. It will help you to help others. It does me! Talk to you soon. Give yourselves a year or more to grieve and mourn Pat's passing. My dad's 1st anniversary in Heaven will be March 9th. We are just starting to get over it. Peace....
Tina in Va

ketziah35
Posts: 1154
Joined: Jun 2010

I am sad for you that Patrick had to go, but happy that both of you are now at peace. It has been a hard journey for you both.

May God bless you and bring you comfort in the transition.

Hugs and luv,

Ketz

hope0310's picture
hope0310
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

April, I have only admiration and respect for the fight that both you and Pat fought. Your love, your humor, your respect, your "groundness"......ever, ever present in every post you have made.

Yes, Pat is now at peace, you are at peace. And life does go on. At what point, only time will tell. But I know that you know, that Pat wants you to be happy.....to sing, to soar, to live your life and live your dreams and treasure the memories that the 2 of you made.

Be good to yourself...always.
Elysia

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

I am so glad the suffering is over and you feel that sweet release. I know, I felt it after my father died, and the next day he talked to me, just for a minute. You know these things happen, April. Grace is there for you, every moment.

here4lfe
Posts: 296
Joined: Jan 2010

My condolences. Thanks for sharing, and accepting the heartfelt concern for you and Pat.
Take Care

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

April,

Yes, I can imagine Patrick at work, and checking in on a break! I pray that you will get some much needed and deserved rest soon. Thank you and Patrick for sharing your journey with us, for showing us your frank and sincere heart.

Know that I continue to pray for you, and wish peace upon you.

Lucy

cher8871
Posts: 64
Joined: May 2010

Peace is an excellent thing! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

much love,
cheri

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

I have wandered in and out of these discussion boards hoping someday to find inspiration or my missing hope and bring it back into my own broken life. April, I have followed you, Penny and Lucy and others and have the utmost respect for what each of you have gone through.
Thank you for sharing your life with Pat here and allowing all of us to bear witness to your you love for him.

Peace to you.

Deb
lovingwife to Bob, stage 4 melanoma

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

April, My condolences for the loss of Patrick. My heart goes out to you, but I know how you feel with respect to smiling as he is finally at peace. May your memories of Patrick comfort you and may your amazing strength and sense of humor sustain you in the time to come.

Thanks for being there for many of us with your humor and spirit; you are an inspiration.

You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. And I know Patrick will be looking in on you more than just at break time. Take care.

skipper85's picture
skipper85
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

I am so sorry that Patrick is gone from your life. But he will always be in your heart. You have been so courageous throughout his battle and I'm sure he loved you for it. I think he may be working right along side Paul. From your posts about Patrick it sounds like he and Paul would've gotten along really well.

You have so many friends here that have gotten so much from your wonderful sense of humor and human insight. I don't have to tell you that we will all be here for you as you go through the grieving process with the rest of us. Some days will be okay but others may be a challenge. No matter, we are here.

Take some time to rest. I'm sure you are physically and emotionally drained. As always, I am praying for you.

(((HUGS & LOVE)))

Skipper

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1162
Joined: May 2008

i am so sorry.

michelle

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

Beautiful lyrics, and post. I'm glad you are smiling--you helped him pass in the most tender, loving way possible. I will continue to think of you often.

Karen

Noellesmom
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

For this is not the end of Patrick's life, as you well know, but the beginning.

Hugs to you. You are in my prayers.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

April,
Even though we knew this was going to happen, I feel so bad to hear about Patrick. He fought for so long and I know the empty feeling you have right now. I'm glad that he no longer has to suffer from this horrible disease.
You are one of us now because your love is gone forever, but remember the good times you had with him. It's so hard to let them go, but you were so strong for him and stood by his side, so please accept my sympathy now.
Take one day at a time and please keep posting on here, so we know how you're doing. You can now relax, cause your job as caregiver is done. "Carole"

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

Just because the body is no longer here doesn't mean Pat isn't. He will make sure I am doing fine before he finally goes on. Decided to sit in the living room today, which is something I thought I wouldn't be able to do. And all I can do is sit here and smile.

Anyone who is Irish knows that things that cannot be seen or explained are alive and well. He's just fine and I will be too. I'm not sad in the least because I know he's happy now. It took him too long to find that happy spot for me to be upset over it. Just wish he could have found it with me instead of by himself.

Cha d'dhùin doras nach d'fhosgail doras

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1629
Joined: Aug 2009

I'm sorry this couldn't turn out differently, but glad you have both found some peace. I have often felt Doug's presence and know that he is still here in so many ways. It is a comfort. I am glad you are feeling that comfort, too. Fay

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Your Gaelic made me smile...
Penny

debbieg5's picture
debbieg5
Posts: 168
Joined: Nov 2010

April,
Hadn't been on the board for a few days and just saw your post. It is with mixed feelings that I welcome you to our rapidly growing widows club. I know you have been prepared for this for awhile and I'm glad that it went peacefully for both of you. Enjoy your peace but don't feel bad if you don't always feel like smiling. I have found this ride to be like a rollercoaster and sometimes you don't know what's around the next bend. I hope that things go smoothly the next week or so as Pat is laid to rest. Perhaps Ken and Pat will find each other and revel in their restored voices! Prayers for sweet dreams.
Debbie

UKLady's picture
UKLady
Posts: 85
Joined: Jan 2011

By my bedside is a print of a view across to Connemara from Diamond Hill-each night when I get home from the hospital where Steve is- I look at this and have sent you extra special kind thoughts. I think it is now my April and Patrick print :-)- where *only Gaelic spoken here* is the way of life and its often a grand soft day :-)

May your God go with you :-)

Lyndsey

mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009

April,

{hug}

Steve

DitZy2
Posts: 38
Joined: Dec 2010

My deepest sympathies to you with the loss of Pat. You have been an inspiration to me and your posts were often a bright spot in the grey days, even today. I pray the days are kind to you and in the coming days you always find comfort in the memories with your Pat.

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2071
Joined: Oct 2009

I just saw your post. Please accept our condolences on your loss.

My hubby is Stage IV Colorectal Cancer.

Sincerely - Tina G.

mukamom's picture
mukamom
Posts: 389
Joined: Oct 2010

to hear of Pat's passing...and glad both he and you have found peace.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers

Angela

SamsWife
Posts: 51
Joined: Sep 2007

April -

I'm so sorry - what a long, hard fight! I agree with you - he's at peace now and I'm glad you can smile about that. It sounds as if your hubby was a good, ornery man and you've been a loving, hard working wife - good stuff! Hang in there!

Lots of love,
Tina

junklady's picture
junklady
Posts: 88
Joined: Aug 2009

I am thinking of you at this sad time and sending prayers your way. Take care of yourself.

Cyndi

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