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Waiting

jenene
Posts: 40
Joined: Oct 2010

Well we have finally ended all of my husband's chemo. He, and the rest of us, know that his time on this earth is coming to a close. No we are all just wondering when it will happen. He asked me the other day "How long do you think this will take?" I wish I knew. I keep reading about the signs of death. Besides him not really eating or drinking anything, he has stomach cancer, he shows no other signs. We have an appointment with hospice Friday. I just wish someone would end his suffering. End all of our suffering. We are all as ready as we can be but yet he is still hanging on. Any advice? Things to look for? I am hoping hospice can give us some insight on what to look for. I just hope it is soon. Not sure how much more I can handle.

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

jenene,

Hospice will be able to answer many of your questions and give you all some comfort. Being able to communicate is a wonderful gift that you and your husband still have! Try sharing about the adventures in your lives, the funny moments, life before cancer. I know that until my husband couldn't really speak anymore, it was very soothing for both of us. And even when he could no longer speak, I continued to speak of those times, thanking him for the wonderful life we shared.

This will be the time of love and dignity for him and for you. In my experience, Hospice made sure of that. I will be eternally grateful. His suffering will end when it is time, and reassuring him that he will be dearly missed, and thought about everyday, but that if he is ready, that it will be alright. Also, he should not suffer physically, Hospice will also see to that. It is their mission not to let a patient suffer in regards to pain and discomfort.

You must take care of yourself, now. You will need your strength when the time comes, and you will want to be there for him. Don't forget to eat, even if it is the smallest of meals. Sleep when you can, knowing that someone will be there with him and will call you if needed.

I read to my husband, and kept soft instrumental music playing low. Again, soothing for all.

You can do this. Please come here and let us know how you are doing. There is so much care and compassion here. It helped me tremendously at that time, and the wonderful friends I have made, continue to be with me.

Lucy

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1616
Joined: Aug 2009

Hospice will help. I particularly liked the 24/7 phone number. I called it several times. There really aren't any answers, though. Also, even though you think you are prepared. You never really are. Yes, we are glad the pain and suffering is gone. We welcome our loved one's peace, but we still don't really know what to expect. It is easy for others to say that they are in a better place and we may even believe that, too. Yet, death still hits us hard. Let others help and support you. Try to take care of yourself, too. Fay

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1561
Joined: Nov 2009

Hey Jenene
You had me fooled there for a minute. I am so used to you posting as ZinnieMay! Oh my dear friend, I know this is hard. You know I have been there. Almost a year for us, March 9th. The waiting is the hardest part. Give him your blessings, tell him he can stop this battle, tell him you love him. Hospice will help all of you tremendously. God bless hospice. Give him the peace he needs to stop and move on to this next chapter in his life. Once my dad had our blessings, he passed peacefully that evening. We are here for you, we will be thinking and praying for all of you. Keep in touch. Hugs to you all.
Tina in Va

jenene
Posts: 40
Joined: Oct 2010

Tina- hate to tell you I am not Zinniemay. That is someone else on here. Sorry for your confusion.

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Jenene, I wish your questions could be answered, but as stated by others, there is no answer that we on earth are privy too. And as said, Hospice has a quick read book that explains what the end of life symptoms are/can be.

I do wish you and your husband peace from all of the suffering. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

jenene
Posts: 40
Joined: Oct 2010

Well we got on board with hospice yesterday and they are truly wonderful people. The nurse came out today to give my husband fluids at home, wish we could have done this sooner. Although because of a minor shipping mishap we couldn't do them until tomorrow the nurse was excellent. Things come to our house same day. They pay for all of our meds. We don't have to pay for services. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now I know that I can spend the time left with my hsuband and know that he is getting the best care he can get. He told me today "Out of all of the people taking care of me (that woould be me, his mom, my mom, etc...) you are the best one by far. No one takes care of me as good as you." That just made my day. I love you sweetie!!!

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

How beautiful that your husband said those loving words to you! I am so pleased that you all were able to get Hospice started. Yes, now you will have help and support, and be able to spend quality time with him. And now, you will also be able to take little moments for yourself. Whatever you need to do to relax, take care of, etc., knowing that he is being looked after in those moments.

Sending you both hugs and good wishes. Take care.

Lucy

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