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Just when you think you are doing better...

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

I spent a wonderful evening with the "girls" in my family last night! Enjoyed some wine, laughed harder than I've laughed in forever! Played a silly board game! Listened to the young ones music!

So why is it that this morning I feel so lousy? No, I didn't drink too much wine! Lousy that I am missing my love so much. Lousy because it's the weekend, a time when him and I shared so many activities and love and joy, and I feel so lonely for him.

It's been almost two months since he passed away. Most days I keep busy, and that passes the time away. I'm getting tired of "just passing the time away", as if I'm waiting for "something" to occur. And I don't know what that something could be.

When folks say to me, " be patient with yourself" and " your are doing so good", I really don't know what to be patient for, or what is so good?

Just a "not so good day" I suppose. Maybe tomorrow will be a
"good" day.

Lucy

Noellesmom
Posts: 1302
Joined: Aug 2010

Better days are coming, Lucy. When something is hard, it's just hard and that's what this is for you.

Could be it is time to look for something meaningful to do with this time you have just been "passing". Look around and see who or what needs your attention and give it a try.

If it is just too hard once you get started, you can always back off and head home.

Hugs - I know things will get better. Praying for tomorrow for you, Lucy.

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I will begin to look around me and see what I could do that would make a difference for others. I suppose I have so much to give to another, and since Dennis' passing it has had nowhere to go.

Bless you,

Lucy

jazzy1's picture
jazzy1
Posts: 1387
Joined: Mar 2010

TIME HEALS ALL!!

Our bodies and minds are very unique and know they need time to adjust to situations. I agree trying to get out of "yourself" into others is great idea. Try to spend time with others who might need some support, this way you forget about your sorrow and gain insight into someone else'.

Try laughing as I've found this helps put a big smile on my face when I'm down and out. Read some positive and motivating books.

Keep trying as you'll eventually see the good light in life!!!

Jan

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Lucy,
Funny but I'm having a bad day today too. My one son & grandson came over last night to visit. And my other son & grandson came over this morning. He cleared the snow off the roof & dug out the downspouts. I made lunch for them and now they're gone & it's quiet here again. Also kind of depressed cause yesterday was the funeral for Tom's 54 year old niece who died of pancreatic cancer. My daughter went with me to that. Had a nice time at the lunch talking to some of Tom's family. Also had a gin & tonic!!!!
Today I've found tears running down my face a couple times and don't know why. I've been doing good and am almost through with my meds. Can't believe that on March 25th it'll be a year already that Tom died. Maybe I'm sad too, cause my daughter-in-laws mom & dad were also married on Feb. 8th the same day as me & Tom. Well guess they're having them over for dinner today for their anniversary, but here I sit. Guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself and will get over it, but hate days like this.
Hang in there, we'll get through these days and guess we'll probably continue to have them occasionally. Take care Lucy! "Carole"

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Am I the only one wondering how Valentine's Day will go tomorrow?

I was up to Camelback to Ski Patrol today (last Saturday was my first day back). I picked up my brother and we drove up together. My ski patrol "family" is great and very supportive; I love them like I do my blood family. One of our friends told me he swore he saw Mike; came up behind him like he always did, gave a smile and took off. I also could see Mike skiing down the slope in my mind; he really was a good skier; I could see him making those great medium radius turns so technically correct. Made me smile.

How I miss him.

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

I know how our 30th Anniversary that wasn't last Monday went. My loving family and friends managed to fill my day, so I can say it went ok. However, the day before, I cried many times! I felt like a valve just broke and there was no patching it up right away.

Today, I found myself alone until a call from my son came. His sitter, he works on Sundays, has pink eye, sooo... I spent my afternoon playing, loving and laughing with my 2yr. old granddaughter! I believe I was sent a gift from above, as I think if she had not been here it would have been a repeat of last Sunday!

My beloved and I were planning to marry on Valentine's Day, but the cost of everything "flower" and romance was ridiculous so he said he could not wait for the following week! We were married on the 7th of February. He was so romantic always. On our wedding day I received a dozen roses 3 times throughout the day. Actually, it was 11 roses. On our first date he sent 11 roses and the card read, "for the twelfth rose, look in the mirror"! Throughout our entire marriage, he would always send them that way.

He loved Valentine's Day. I used to tell him, but sweetie, last week was our anniversary and you already gave me beautiful roses and gifts! He said to let him go nuts, he loved doing it! Gosh, no matter how much I tried, he always outdid me!

Tomorrow I shall miss his love, his excitement of expressing that love to me. The smile on his face, the sparkle in his beautiful green eyes. I will share my heart with my children and granddaughter.

None of this is easy. My gift to myself is getting my mammogram done! Yahoo! Oh well, it is a good thing to do. I will be making what our family calls the "love" dinner of pasta, meatballs, sauce, lots of garlic, crusty bread and good chianti. Dessert will be something very chocolate.

Hope I can get through the preparations without crying into the sauce!

Lucy

debbieg5's picture
debbieg5
Posts: 168
Joined: Nov 2010

Lucy, Carole.....how strange. I had a horrible day yesterday too. Just couldn't keep the tears back. We have had several people at our church going through cancer treatment for the last few months. Yesterday, at the end of the service the pastor announced that one of them, a young boy about 21, showed no signs of cancer after recent treatment. And then he told how well another lady was doing with her treatment. I am very happy for those people and their families but for some reason the tears started coming. I couldn't get out of there fast enough and didn't want to speak to anyone. All I could feel was bitterness that my husband didn't get to experience those miracles. Why did it work out for them and not for him?? I know that was a terribly selfish way too feel but I couldn't help it.

then my daughter, who was returning to college yesterday afternoon, presented me with a card, chocolate and a dozen yellow roses from her and her brothers. Of course, I started crying again. I hope the next few days get better.
Hugs to both of you.
Debbie

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Lucy,
Getting a mammogram on Valentines day ??? what the heck?
Your dinner of spaghetti, meatballs, crusty bread & good chianti sounds great!!!! What time should I be over??? I'll bring the chocolate and we can cry together okay?
I missed Tom today also. He always came out in the morning and would say "Happy Valentines day honey, I have a "heart" (hard) on for you"!!! I loved that guy so much.
You can cry in the sauce if you want, but don't add any salt cause tears have enough of that!!
Take care Lucy!!! Don't eat too much! "Carole"

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Lucy,
Getting a mammogram on Valentines day ??? what the heck?
Your dinner of spaghetti, meatballs, crusty bread & good chianti sounds great!!!! What time should I be over??? I'll bring the chocolate and we can cry together okay?
I missed Tom today also. He always came out in the morning and would say "Happy Valentines day honey, I have a "heart" (hard) on for you"!!! I loved that guy so much.
You can cry in the sauce if you want, but don't add any salt cause tears have enough of that!!
Take care Lucy!!! Don't eat too much! "Carole"

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1613
Joined: Aug 2009

Two months really is a short time. I am almost at 16 months and still have bad days especially when the weather is grey. You are getting better everyday. Even the bad days help us further along on our journey. One friend whose husband died many years ago said she thinks just knowing that we never really "get over" it helps us deal with our loss. I think that is what acceptance means. We accept that losing a loved one becomes a part of us. That hurt helps us move forward knowing that we will never forget that love even if we happen to find a new love or a new interest to fill our days. Ok, that's starting to sound a little too deep. Not wise words, just a feeling I have. Take care, Fay

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 857
Joined: Mar 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. I was widowed very suddenly and it is a difficult journey, to say the least. Have you looked for widow/widower support groups? I found one and the people helped me tremendously. They really helped me through some very tough times and I finally started to laugh again. I still miss him everyday, but i have remarried (after 15 yrs) and still share a wonderful friendship with the support group.
Good Luck to you, be patient with yourself.
judy

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