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I can only deal with so much (vent)

flashmycello
Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2011

I am stressed out, exhausted, and drained, and I know it is only to get worse. My dad told my mom to f off during her radiation and made her get her own wheelchair. Then he told her he couldn't wait to have her retirement. Then my 19 year old brother threw a full blown toddler temper tantrum because I asked him to please help me clean the kitchen. My dad refuses to change his hoarding ways for my mom's health. I took my mom's job @ school when she is on leave and I work closing shifts at a bank. I can't keep being 3 people. My dad won't help. My brother won't help. My mom thinks the way they treaty her is OK. I am running on two hours of sleep. I need to find a healthy medium with this family and I'm not sure if it is possible.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1312
Joined: Aug 2010

To stop and take a breath, flash. You cannot be all things to all people, no matter how much you want to and how hard you try.

Certainly don't know your situation well enough to make any suggestions but it sounds like the men in your family need some serious lessons and you and your mom leaving to go to a clean, safe place may be the answer.

Please take care of yourself. Your mom is counting on you. I don't know what your dad's problems are but there comes a time in everyone's life you just have to cut your losses and get out. Now is not a great time to have to make decisions: it sounds like yours are being made for you.

Hugs, flash. Bunches of hugs.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Hi Flash. I am a 23 year cancer survivor and have seen alot when it comes to dealing with this disease. Caregivers certainly do not have it easy so I can see where your stresses lie, normal for many caregivers, but you have other stresses that are too difficult for one person. Each of the family is handling your Mother's illness in different ways, brother sounds angry and your father - inappropriate at the least by the sounds of it but I wasn't there to witness any of this of course.

My best advice is for you to seek out the services of a good counsellor who deals with families who are in the cancer journey and see what they say about your situation. You have to protect yourself too, as one of the posters here has said, and no you can't be all to all people. If you don't take care of yourself who will be around to help with your Mom? Right?

This board is good for venting too and many will chime in but sounds like you need real hands on help and SOON. Make that call today to your family doctor for a referral to a good counsellor who deals with cancer/illnesses and see if you can get in to see one in a day or so. There may be resources in your community to help with your Mother, like the Cancer society might have a ride program and can take her to treatments, taking the pressure off some of the family for a bit. Sounds like your Mom could benefit from some counselling too not only for the cancer but dealing with your fathers attitude too if that is warranted.

The only other thing I want to say at this point is, is your father violent and abusive to the family? If so you will have to tread softly so as not to get him upset that you are seeing a counsellor, you don't want to put yourself into a dangerous situation. I don't know the circumstances but thought this should be said at this point. Still, you need to seek help from a counsellor of some sort who could help you with all this stress.

I hope you find some peace in all of this. Your Mom is lucky to have you.

Hugs,

Bluerose

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