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New and Scared

brenda1956
Posts: 4
Joined: Feb 2011

I am new to this and yet not so new. I am a nurse and I have gone through this with my mother 6 years ago. Now it's my exhusband (how strange), the minute I found out I moved him home with me and realized he wasn't to be an ex. He has stage 4 stomach ca. I'm lost, I'm scared. I get angry, I cry. I had just started looking for jobs. I'm broke. I had just started my life I don't know where or what to do. I am afraid to think. I know what happens medically so I won't let myself go down that path. I'm afraid to breath!

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

Wow you have so much going on right now! First off - welcome. Anything you need or want to say go ahead and say it. Someone or a lot of someone's have been where you are and it's ok to freak out.

Second - stage 4 isn't pretty but there are many stage 4 survivors here that have been NED for many years from Cs that you couldn't imagine surviving from. There is a couple long term lung survivors that still make me feel honored to be on the same space with them.

Third - from this point forward set aside time for yourself each day and a block of time (at least an hour) each week JUST FOR YOU. I remind you of this because I think all caregivers fall into the trap sometimes of doing so much for their loved one that they forget to take care of themselves until they implode.

You had said you have been there before, so dust of all the knowledge because you will need it.

Lots of hugs and welcome again :)

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Please take to heart what April has posted. She is correct in her advice to you. There are survivors of stage IV stomach cancer out there some of which are posting here and they give the hope and inspiration to battle this thing.
And as she says, make sure to take care of you too. It will do you no good if you both are sick. Take some time for yourself to decompress. Best of luck to you and your husband.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

It's an involved story so I won't go into it here but I was in much the same place you are, Brenda.

Please remember to take this one day at a time, take help when it is offered, make peace with yourself and, as much as possible, with your (ex)husband and go forward because there really is no other way to go.

Cancer is scary but it is also so variable that one never knows what will happen. He may have hours, days, months or years. I'm thinking you want whatever time he has to be good.

Hoping you have gone to the stomach cancer board and at least started reading what the smart, experienced-with-your-type-of-cancer souls there can tell you about what you and he are facing.

Come back here often - please know you are never alone unless you choose to be.

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1561
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Brenda and welcome to you and your husband to our caregivers discussion board. You are a wonderful person for caring enough to move him back home with you so you could take care of him! What a huge heart you have. This just may turn out to be a major turning point for you both. You know what goes on medically, he will get chemo/radiation and possibly surgery to remove the tumor. Take this journey one hour at a time. Hang in there and do the best you know how to do. God bless you and give you the peace and strength you will both need to fight and conquer this disease!
Tina in Va

MCKMNL
Posts: 40
Joined: Jan 2011

It seems you and i share the same eotions at this time. My dad was DX'd with stage4 ( incureable )CUP _ cancer of unknown primary. Please know you and your hubby are in my thoughts. I love what April had to say,they truely are words to live by. Hang in there *hugs*

Missy

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