working after treatments

jphilpo · January 2011

Hi all,

After enduring all the trauma of breast cancer, surgeries, chemo, rads femara pain, etc... , I still can not seem to handle working the way I used to. I work in an elementary school as a receptionist and I deal with children who have reading difficulties. I have a wonderful principal who allows me to do whatever is necessary to get back to feeling normal.

However, the woman I work with in the office has made me feel so bad that sometimes I think it's better to just move on in my job and do something else. When I was going through treatments, she was kind, but I knew she secretly resented the attention I was getting from staff and parents. It was just the "little digs" she would make. After treatments, she would say things like, "well, your chemo is over, so I thought you would be better". I tell her "I did too"! I try to take 2 walks a day to boost my strength, as I just found out I have chemo induced anemia, which explains SO MUCH!! She is bothered by this too. I feel so bad and I am always explaining myself.

Did any of you have these issues when treatment was over?? I had no idea this would ever happen,

Jean

canjuncutie · January 2011

im lucky i found a place to work
I was looking for work while i was doing chemo. I have a very supported work. i was looking for work when i got my dx.

sweetvickid · January 2011

Don't let her make you feel
Don't let her make you feel bad. She is the one with the problem. Nor do you owe her any explanations.

Gabe N Abby Mom · January 2011

Amazing how petty some
Amazing how petty some people can be....I agree with Sweetvickid.

Hugs,

Linda

PinkPearl · January 2011

Oh those little digs can be so mean
and other women can be so good at it. I know because I was an elementary teacher! That woman sounds shallow and a needy person herself. She hasn't been where you have, dealing with all of the cancer "stuff" and she should thank her lucky stars. If you love your job just keep going and don't let her ruin it for you. Find a friend there that you can vent to who will keep her mouth quiet-you know how gossip can go in a workplace- so you can get rid of the frustration and ignore her the best you can. Hope meds for the anemia help.

mollyz · January 2011

PinkPearl said:
Oh those little digs can be so mean
and other women can be so good at it. I know because I was an elementary teacher! That woman sounds shallow and a needy person herself. She hasn't been where you have, dealing with all of the cancer "stuff" and she should thank her lucky stars. If you love your job just keep going and don't let her ruin it for you. Find a friend there that you can vent to who will keep her mouth quiet-you know how gossip can go in a workplace- so you can get rid of the frustration and ignore her the best you can. Hope meds for the anemia help.

You've been through worst
than her,look over her she's got a problem you've fought your way from hell,she hasn't been where you have and probably couldn't handle it as well as you, keep your head up stop saying your sorry she's feeding off that you have all of us on this board backing you she has no clue farther more she's not the BOSS. HUGS HUGS and more HUGS to you MOLLYZ

sea60 · January 2011

Gosh, she hasn't a clue!
It just really bakes my cookies that after all you've been through, you have to deal with this type of behavior.

I know most people just don't understand that it doesn't end when Chemo or radiation ends. A body has been ravaged and needs time to heal. I've been almost 5 years out and truly grateful but that doesn't mean I don't have to deal with the after effects of drugs...neuropathy, memory loss, weird aches and pains...no, we wouldn't want anyone to have to go through cancer, but it would be nice if people were empathetic of someone who has experienced it.

Maybe you can give her some reading material to better educate her on the after effects of Chemo and radaition. It might help her understand.

Don't let this one person sway your decision to move, especially if you really don't want to. Don't let her have power over you Jean. Anyway, you might run across someone else in another place who might behave in a similar manner.

Hugs to you and praying for your situation,

Sylvia

jphilpo · January 2011

sea60 said:
Gosh, she hasn't a clue!
It just really bakes my cookies that after all you've been through, you have to deal with this type of behavior.

I know most people just don't understand that it doesn't end when Chemo or radiation ends. A body has been ravaged and needs time to heal. I've been almost 5 years out and truly grateful but that doesn't mean I don't have to deal with the after effects of drugs...neuropathy, memory loss, weird aches and pains...no, we wouldn't want anyone to have to go through cancer, but it would be nice if people were empathetic of someone who has experienced it.

Maybe you can give her some reading material to better educate her on the after effects of Chemo and radaition. It might help her understand.

Don't let this one person sway your decision to move, especially if you really don't want to. Don't let her have power over you Jean. Anyway, you might run across someone else in another place who might behave in a similar manner.

Hugs to you and praying for your situation,

Sylvia

Thank You
Oh, thank you all for responding!! I so needed your kinds words. I feel better already! I will keep doing what I am doing and hold my head high!

This board is truly a blessing!

Jean

fauxma · January 2011

sea60 said:
Gosh, she hasn't a clue!
It just really bakes my cookies that after all you've been through, you have to deal with this type of behavior.

I know most people just don't understand that it doesn't end when Chemo or radiation ends. A body has been ravaged and needs time to heal. I've been almost 5 years out and truly grateful but that doesn't mean I don't have to deal with the after effects of drugs...neuropathy, memory loss, weird aches and pains...no, we wouldn't want anyone to have to go through cancer, but it would be nice if people were empathetic of someone who has experienced it.

Maybe you can give her some reading material to better educate her on the after effects of Chemo and radaition. It might help her understand.

Don't let this one person sway your decision to move, especially if you really don't want to. Don't let her have power over you Jean. Anyway, you might run across someone else in another place who might behave in a similar manner.

Hugs to you and praying for your situation,

Sylvia

Jean,
Don't let this co
Jean,
Don't let this co worker make you feel that you have to change your job. And don't feel that you have to explain anything to her. If she was asking questions out of a sense of genuine concern that is one thing but she isn't. As for the comment about her thinking you would be feeling better that was a good response and all that is necessary. In the future if she makes comments or asks questions just tell her that you don't feel like discussing your health issues with her. Tell her that you are working with your doctors and leave it at that. If she is so petty that she is jealous because you received attention when you were and are battling cancer then she is a sad, sad individual. You have worked hard and are working hard to get back your "normal" and she is not helping you. I say be professional and work with her but don't go beyond that. It is more important that you are healthy and she is not helping you get to that place. If she continues to pry after telling nicely to back off then go to your principal and tell her/him that the issue needs to be addressed. I had a very understanding boss and fellow workers after my cancer but I know that I would not have put up with someone making me feel uncomfortable in the workplace.
Good thoughts that this is resolved and again do not let her make you feel that you need to make a switch. It is definitely her problem, let her deal with it. This might sound harsh but these petty people piss me off.
Stef

Kiantae · January 2011

Double edged sword
I have found it to be a double edged sword with my co-workers. Some know about my situation and others do not. I went back to work 2 weeks after my mastecomy (not my brightest moment) because I was worried about keeping my job as a new boss was coming in and job eliminations would most likely follow. I did not have to do chemo, but I did do radiation for 6 weeks and didn't miss any work although I was exhausted and burned. The new boss has been supportive for the most part and I still have my job. After I finished radiation, he said to me, "Gee you just flew right through your radiation treatments without any problems, that's great!". I just kind of stared at him. I felt like saying, "Actually I'm exhausted, my skin fell off, and I was coming to work wrapped like a mummy under my clothes". I am currently dealing with a lot of pain with my AI but only 2 people really know about it and understand when I turn down lunch offers, walks, etc. I put myself in this position by not sharing what I was/am going through but I am not sure I would be able to handle people questioning how I "should" be doing. If you were not a conscientious person, her comments would not bother you. If she is someone close to you, maybe you can let her know how her comments come across and how it makes you feel. If she is not that close to you, limit conversations with her if possible so she has less opportunity to get a dig in. Just know there are people that do understand what you are going through on this board.

Megan M · January 2011

Gabe N Abby Mom said:
Amazing how petty some
Amazing how petty some people can be....I agree with Sweetvickid.

Hugs,

Linda

Sweetvicki is right. She
Sweetvicki is right. She has a problem. Don't let the pettiness, jealousy and just plain rudeness of her bother you.

Do your job the best that you can and stay focused on living your life.

Hugs, Megan

disneyfan2008 · January 2011

co workers can be the pitts for sure
JEAN: so sorry...mine were not very nice about my treatments.(I just did radiation on my lunch hour) I have not dealt with chemo-but can totally understand how others think OKAY YOU are done -get over it...At least your boss is nice! MINE was not so understanding after 3 treatments...(that's another whole story)

Denise

New Flower · January 2011

disneyfan2008 said:
co workers can be the pitts for sure
JEAN: so sorry...mine were not very nice about my treatments.(I just did radiation on my lunch hour) I have not dealt with chemo-but can totally understand how others think OKAY YOU are done -get over it...At least your boss is nice! MINE was not so understanding after 3 treatments...(that's another whole story)

Denise

Jean
please do not even think about changing your job. Since your principle is supportive please do not pay attention to what she is doing. Do not let her win.
Your ability will come back and you are capable to handle your job.
Keep fighting

Wolfi · January 2011

Keep your job and your health
Jean,

My opinion is this woman is either insensitive or just an idiot (there are many out there). DO NOT feel like you need to explain yourself to her or anyone else. Any pain, fatigue, depression or anything else that can be associated with cancer is yours to deal with and unless someone has gone through what you did they should keep their negative comments to themselves.

I was diagnosed in June 2009 and am still having issues with pain, fatigue and sleep problems. When I was going to rads every day my boss said to me "at least you didn't lose your hair." (another idiot) I was thrown into a HUGE project at work after I got done with rads and it was exhausting. I guess they figured that since I was "better" I could handle more than I did before (which was already more work one person should handle).

Let your co-worker be bothered by all the attention you are receiving. I'm sure she wouldn't want to be in your place even if she did get attention.

Take care of yourself and don't feel bad about taking time off or shortening your hours if you can rest and feel better. There are a lot of things going around now and you don't need to get the flu or a bad cold on top of everything else. Rest will help keep you healthy. You may never get back to being able to work the way you used to - accept that and be ok with it (easier said than done - I know).

Wolfi

jphilpo · January 2011

Wolfi said:
Keep your job and your health
Jean,

My opinion is this woman is either insensitive or just an idiot (there are many out there). DO NOT feel like you need to explain yourself to her or anyone else. Any pain, fatigue, depression or anything else that can be associated with cancer is yours to deal with and unless someone has gone through what you did they should keep their negative comments to themselves.

I was diagnosed in June 2009 and am still having issues with pain, fatigue and sleep problems. When I was going to rads every day my boss said to me "at least you didn't lose your hair." (another idiot) I was thrown into a HUGE project at work after I got done with rads and it was exhausting. I guess they figured that since I was "better" I could handle more than I did before (which was already more work one person should handle).

Let your co-worker be bothered by all the attention you are receiving. I'm sure she wouldn't want to be in your place even if she did get attention.

Take care of yourself and don't feel bad about taking time off or shortening your hours if you can rest and feel better. There are a lot of things going around now and you don't need to get the flu or a bad cold on top of everything else. Rest will help keep you healthy. You may never get back to being able to work the way you used to - accept that and be ok with it (easier said than done - I know).

Wolfi

Wolfi
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am inspired! I will take your advice and the advice of the others who responded. After all, who knows better then us?? I will consider taking some time off until I can get past some of these issues. I am a "people pleaser", which is not a good thing when dealing with difficult people.

Thanks again,

Jean

MyTurnNow · January 2011

Jean, I am just appauled
Jean, I am just appauled that someone would be "jealous" of the attention someone battling breast cancer is getting from co-workers and parents. How insensitive can someone be? There are all kinds in this world, for sure. You have the support of your principal and like someone else said, you could run into the same persnality type at a new job, if you were to seek other employment. My best defense has always been to "kill them with kindness". It works every time. Good luck and vent here and we will give you the encouragement, support and love needed to get through it. Take care and sending (((hugs))) your way!

working after treatments

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