Jan 23, 2011 - 10:42 am
i apologize....this will probably be long and will definitely ramble....
yesterday was, quite possibly, one of the WORST days of my life. dad feels like crap, he complains about EVERYTHING and when i do something to try and make it better he doesn't respond. wanted his computer hooked up to the internet....i did that...he won't even turn it on. wanted a coffee pot in his room, in case he got up before i did....did that...i still make it, pour it and clean it up afterwards. ALL he does is sit in the chair in the living room and hog the tv....and if my little man asks to watch something the answer is always "after the news goes off'. he watches the news at 12, 5, 5:30, 6, and 6:30....REALLY????!!!!!!! i want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and to top it all off, yesterday the hubby and i went to play poker. we belong to a league, it's free and we've met LOTS of fantastic people in the past year. hubby likes to drink beer, which i'm fine with. i'm more of a tequila person...lol. nonetheless, he drank like 10 beers while we were there and on the way home, ALL the way home, all i heard was how the house is a mess, i don't do this or that and he gets no appreciation and wow, was he griping about dad. believe me, i agreed with most of what he said about dad, but there isn't really anything i can do. can't make the cancer go away, can't make him a different person than he's ever been....a griper. i don't think dad knows how to be happy, especially since this cancer crap. and THEN, we stopped at a store and i was looking for him and i heard heere i am dummy. OMG....i walked up to him, poked my finger in his chest and said that i would put up with alot of sh!t but never, was he ever, to call me dummy again.
my house is a mess, but so is my kitchen that he hasn't finished. i brought up the fact that our son is almost 10 and he's gotten up to take him to school maybe 10 times and he's in THE FOURTH GRADE......when i read this it sounds really whiny but i'm ok with that too. i just wonder when enough is enough. i'm so depressed and have no insurance and no job. i can bust into tears at the drop of a hat....i just want to run away and lay down and shut the entire world out.
i should also mention that hubby has PTSD from something that happened to him as a kid....damn perverts. still, i don't deserve to be treated like this. i don't even know if i love him anymore....well i guess i do, just don't know if i'm IN love with him anymore. damn this sucks.......