Jan 22, 2011 - 5:22 am
Can't sleep - today is husband's celebration of life. It was supposed to be a very small event now and a larger one for extended family in the spring- NOT. Now we have over 20 people and 7 kids. We're going to have snow/sleet (it's not supposed to snow here). My stomach's a mess and my nerves are shot. I just want it to be over. Had planned on speaking and had things straight in my head but now I don't know if I can get it together enough to make any sense. I told everyone casual dress but I expected my son to wear dress pants - he is wearing jeans - but a nice shirt. Still have lots of stuff to do before company arrives. Middle of the night granddaughter puked all over sheets, bedspread etc. So still doing laundry. Daughter and daughter-in-law don't really get along but hopefully they will make the effort today. Still have to make the music CD's and put pictures on tri-fold board. Having it in my husband's man cave (garage) where he spent most of his time. Of course, food will be served inside. Will have to have two heaters going and wear jackets. Will have to set up kitchen after kids have lunch. Celebration is at 4:00 p.m. Wish I had it at 9:00 a.m. Dog has freaked out over the last couple of months. She's taking doggy Prozac and Xanax. Hopefully she will be drugged enough not to pee on the floor every time someone walks through the front door. She has to be at the ceremony. She's our baby. Son had to bring his dog (she's on a very special diet and has other health issues) but she's very well behaved. I am worried I might crash. Having mililtary honors with taps. That's always very emotional. Hope I can keep it together. I don't want to disappoint my husband or my kids who will need my support and strength. Up to now it's been surreal. I think this is going to make it very real and hopefully bring some closure. In the spring we will scatter my husband's ashes off the beach (outgoing tide).
Anyway, does anyone know how much gratuity to give to the military honor guard? They're from the American Legion.
I just want this to be over and curl up and go to sleep somewhere by myself. Love the kids and grandkids but will be glad when they leave tomorrow.
Playoff games tomorrow but I just don't enjoy football anymore without my husband. It's just not the same. That, and none of our favorite teams are playing. Well the Klonapin is starting to kick in. Maybe I can grab an hour's sleep before the kids wake up. I should have put them up in a hotel so I could have my space. Oh well - too late now.
Wish me luck!