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How do I help??

SueRelays
Posts: 489
Joined: Dec 2009

My friend who lost her husband is having such a hard time. I just read several of your posts and know so many of you can relate. Thank you so much for sharing your stories.
I am a 3X cancer survivor so have been on this site for some time. I am encouraging her to pop on here and read similar stories....but in your opinion, what is one of the best things I can do for her? She does not want company or phone calls.....
I'm worried and don't know what to do to help.

THANK YOU!!!

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Be "gently" persistent. I've had moments when all I wanted was to be alone, only to discover that I needed someone! Encourage her to talk about her hubby, the good times, the not so good times. When you can, ask her for advice or help. She may have been his caregiver, and now that he is gone, may feel like there is no one that needs her help.

My dear family and friends will not give up! Sometimes I think they created a call roster among themselves! Since I am always hearing from one or the other every day! They ask if I need anything in particular, but since they know me so well, they may bring something they know I use, eat or enjoy.

What a dear friend you are! She will no doubt, come to appreciate you even more. One day she will recall your love and concern in her most darkest hours.

Lucy

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1622
Joined: Aug 2009

I agree with Lucy. Don't give up. Just knowing someone is checking in can be very important. Even when I had trouble answering people who asked how I was or what I needed, I appreciated the concern. Stop by and encourage your friend to get out of the house. Sometimes I thought I wouldn't be good company. Assure her that you aren't necessarily looking for good company, you just want to share some time with her. She is hurting and this grieving stuff is hard. You are a good friend to try to understand that. Tell her that you can't really understan, but you do want to be a part of her support system. If she doesn't want to go out, bring some food in. She may not feel like eating but that's ok. If she doesn't feel like talking that is ok, too. Watch tv or just be there. Thanks for caring. Fay

SueRelays
Posts: 489
Joined: Dec 2009

THANK YOU SO MUCH LADIES!!! What great suggestions!!
That's the direction I was leaning, but just wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do.
As usual, turning to the experts on this site gets quick and helpful answers!
I wish you all the best!!

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