Jan 19, 2011 - 9:31 am
I am an Anal Cancer Survivor. Short history - I was diagnosed in Feb 2006 with Stage 3b Anal Cancer with a fistual through my vaginal cavity, which was inoperable. Treatments included chemo and radiation. Unfortunately, If there was a side effect - i.e. infection, alergy to medications, etc. I got it. Spent most of 2 years in the hospital. The fistual wouldn't heal, went through corrective surgery, didn't work. Wore a colostomy bag for 9 months until the fistual healed. I've had 7 intestinal blockages, my gallbladder failed and had to be removed, my thyroid stopped working and now I'm on medications for that, my right kidney has stopped working and due to the radiation I'm menopausal which I take hormones. My insides are all scar tissued together, my cervix is closed tight from scar tissue. I'm 52 years old and 100 pounds. I've recently lost 20 pounds, which my doctor doesn't seem to be concerned with. My problem is pain, pain that has been with me since before my diagnosis and treatment. I wear a 100 MCG Fentanyl patch and take Hydrocodone tablets for pain but neither of these takes away the pain. I'm am so tired all the time, which my doctor attributes to the pain meds but I think it's more from lack of sleep. I wake up every hour to hour and a half at night mostly to pee. I can't seem to evacuate my bladder anymore, it just trickles out no matter how much I push or how long I sit and wait to finish. I don't have good muscle control of my rectum either, always in fear of having an accident and the pain of having a stool if it's hard is horrible. I break out in tears and sweats. I don't know what's worse the fear and humilation of having an accident or the pain of a hard stool. I was evaluated for a pain pump but decided against it. Just putting up with the pain tires me out. Is there anyone else out there who is going through anything like me and if so do you have any suggestions for me. To tell the truth I am at my wits end, when I wake each morning my first thought is I wish I was dead and I just don't know how much more I can take. If my doctors had told me at the beginning what my life would be like after treatment I honestly think I would have forgone the treatment and just given into the cancer.