Jan 16, 2011 - 8:21 am
Even with the Ambien I take, I find myself waking up around 5 am every morning. A few times I have been able to go back to sleep. My heart has decided that bedtime is the time for it to remember, to grieve. I usually pray and recall our life when I go to bed. And fall to sleep. Haven't had but 2-3 dreams since my love passed, and they really weren't about his passing or what we went through. Mornings, I have chosen to praise God for holding me through this time of sorrow, and ask Him to bless me and all that are in pain because of their loss, those that are fighting this Beast, those that may be coming to the end of their battle. I thank Him for the love of my family, friends and you all, that surrounds me with comfort and protection.
Almost 4 weeks since my love passed and I think I am beginning just now to relive the events of his last 2 days. Some moments are a blur as the exhaustion was immense. Reality has definitely begun to sink it's ugly teeth into me! I think it was easier to fight the cancer with him, than to fight the loneliness without him. At least then I had hope for his survival. I put all my love, all my prayers, all my hope, all my efforts in his care and survival. I suppose I might be drained at this time. I feel that I am at a loss for what to do with my life, now.
There is one glimmer of hope beginning to emerge. I come here daily and see that other dear ones are making it, one day at a time! Yes, I hear and feel your pain, also, but that you have it in you to comfort me, gives me that hope that one day I will be ok.
Thank you all,