Jan 11, 2011 - 3:34 pm
So we have decided to up our wedding. Cancer has taught us that we will have limited time together. It is not a question of if it is a question of when per his doctors. They feel they will get him into remission in time but that with his conditions he will get it again and again until the treatments stop working. My reply to the doctor, sounds like a good idea to start finding new treatments then. My last post the doctor said tumors were all but gone. Just a few weeks later they tell us his CEA went from a 25 to a 66??? Explained not to panic rads could cause the increase. Panic? WTH is panic? Ohhh you mean what I am doing inside that everyone keeps telling me to stop doing? Then they tell us the PET scan that showed no tumors was mistakenly done w/out dye and with colorectal cancer it should ALWAYS be done with dye so we should not count on those results. He says this time around is better then his first fight, side effects less devastating. But I have seen him unable to stand on his own, needing help to sit up, crashing for 16 hours.
In the meantime my heart is aching, is he better, it is so hard to tell. The doctors have bascially told us in a sense he is terminal but they wont put a life expectancy on it. He promises he will stay with me until he is 99. In the mean time I cant seem to take care of myself. Taking care of him, my three kids, his two in and out for visits, working I leave the house at 7 and get home at 7. I have had headaches for six weeks straight, the pain in my body from my fibromyalgia hurts so bad I want to cry. I would like to confront cancer and physically beat it to death. Hit it so hard over and over for every day it has been in our lives, for taking my friend's loved ones, I wish I could physically beat it down. I would give anything to save him from this, to take away the feeling that even WHEN we win this fight we will constantly be waiting for the next.