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People who mean well...

Hopeful720's picture
Hopeful720
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010

Does anyone have the issue of people saying the wrong things to you during a time of pain? I know it is not always easy to know what to say, but it is often exhausting having to answer to these people - especially when you're in so much pain.

HeartofSoul's picture
HeartofSoul
Posts: 732
Joined: Dec 2009

The way I would view the comments of others who tried to their well meaning intent is to see if they actually find the time to call and visit you and actual step up to ask if they can do anything (specific) for you. Many times someone will seemingly say a supportive comment and feel that they met their quota. Perhaps when you hear a comment from someone that is not easy to answer or awkward, still show appreciation by thanking them even though you may feel frustrated. If you find yourself tired or not feeling well at the time someone tries to encourage or ease your pain, make a brief comment saying it means a lot to you and leave it at that.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hey if you get tired of people saying the wrong thing or having to explain to them all the time, why not try this. Go to CaringBridge.org and sign up and you can post on there, and people can read it and comment, but at least you don't have to deal with getting frustrated.
Good luck!! "Carole"

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

We utilized this organization and it proved to be invaluable. We began to journal and share with family and friends about 1 month after my love's dx. Immediately, we received positive responses! Many sent support, love and prayers every time we wrote. Some chose specific times to be there for us. My love and I would both write and share, and for those that are very expressive, it provided a wonderful avenue to communicate with us. For our family and friends that are more introverted, they were able to see how he was doing, how I was doing, and we know that allowed them to pray or wish us well. And of course, for our loved ones far away, an excellent mode of keeping up with how he was doing, without the guilt of calling at the wrong time.

I think folks take a little more time to think of what they want to express when they write. Now that my love has passed, I was able to print out all of his writing and also all the love and support that came from others. We asked for donations to CaringBridge in lieu of flowers, that's how much we believed that this was a wonderful place for us!

Lucy

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