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New member who's mom recently passed.. on Christmas Day

forevermissed
Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2011

Hello Everyone,

My mom, who has been my rock through out life passed away on Christmas Day. On Nov 23rd I took her to the hospital thinking she had a flair up of her Diverticulitis, but come to find out she had stage 4 Ovarian Cancer and didnt have long to live. She came home with hospice, It just didnt seem real she battled heart disease forever and now it is cancer that is getting her???!!! As the weeks passed hospice told us that any day now but she lasted 8 days longer then expected and passed on Christmas.
I have been in disbelief and I feel so much pain. I know that she is in a better place and im so thankful she is now in heaven with my dad, but I keep thinking who is going to make me feel better when im upset or who is going to make me feel like im the only one who matters to them and that I make them the happiest? I know I have family and a husband for all that but there is nothing like it when its your mom.
The weekend before I took her to the hospital I told her I was pregnant! I couldnt be more excited to have my baby with her around and to have her help me and my husband pick a name and teach us things that she used to do with me when i was a baby. Im just glad she found out before she had to leave and will be a angel watching over us. But I would love to have her here so much more!!!
I am still grieving and trying to heal I am just not handling this very well and wanted to share and I guess vent my saddness to people who went through this or who are going through this. So any suggestions or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I just feel so lost and so depressed, its alot of poor me right now.....

Thank you for reading

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

I am very sorry for your loss. Let's just start by saying cancer sucks. Lost my love, my husband of 32 years in June from brain cancer. Is there an easy way to get through this grieving process...unfortunately no. You hang on to your loved ones who are still with you. You try to remember the good times. It will take time, there are no shortcuts. I am told time heals all wounds. We just have to ride this wave.
God bless.
Becky

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5722
Joined: Apr 2009

She is never really gone as long as she lives in your memories

tanker sgv's picture
tanker sgv
Posts: 128
Joined: Nov 2010

KNOCK,KNOCK
HELLO ANYONE HOME?
MOM, YOU THERE?
YOU STARE AT ME FOR A RESPONCE
STOP!! I AM NOT HERE
IT'S NOT ME YOU SEE
IT'S JUST MY SHELL, JUST A BODY
PROOF OF A PHYSICAL EXSISTENCE
YOUR EYES ARE HUMAN,YOU CANT SEE MY SOUL
I AM GONE FROM YOUR SIGHT
YOUR EYES CAN ONLY SEE WHAT THEY CAN TOUCH
AS YOU HOLD MY HAND AND CRY FOR ME
LOOKING AT THIS SHELL IN ITS BED
KNOW THIS, I AM STANDING NEXT TO YOU
HOLDING YOU,BUT I DO NOT WEEP
FOR I SEE WHAT LIES AHEAD
SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LOOK WITH YOUR HEART
CAN YOU SEE ME,IM RIGHT HERE
I AM THE RISING SUN SHINING MY LIGHT UPON YOU
I AM THE MOON WATCHING OVER YOU AS YOU SLEEP, NO MATTER HOW DARK THE NIGHT MAY BE
I AM YOUR MOTHER,IN DEATH AS IN LIFE
I AM ALWAYS THERE
MY SONS,WE WILL NEVER PART
-TANKER 11/10/10
i know how you feel and as my mom was in her final days i wrote this outta nowhere, i read it often and remind myself im not as alone as i think i am

Noellesmom
Posts: 1293
Joined: Aug 2010

I am so sorry about the passing of your beloved mother, forevermissed. There is no doubt you feel a unique sadness given the set of circumstances. None of know how long we will be here but to lose someone in such a poignant manner on such a special day is especially difficult.

Your mom must have been so happy to hear about the baby! Babies are a special gift from God and you shared this with her during her very last days - nothing could be more touching than that. It was an early Christmas present for her and perhaps the only one she received.

Hugs, forevermissed. Please visit this site and let us know how you are doing. Make sure you let your doctor know what you are going through during this difficult time.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I am so sorry you lost your mom. Now it is time to care for yourself. It is good and right that you should grieve. It takes time to come to terms with the loss of one so dearly loved. Fay

forevermissed
Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2011

Thank you...
It's amazing to know when someone is in a better place, but yet still feel so miserable. Right now I am dealing with obviously the grieving but the habits of calling her over everything which makes the days right now harder.
One of the home health care workers told me that for months my mom would pray and wish I would have a baby, so to know I was able to tell her I was pregnant before she had to leave was a great gift! I think it would be harder if I wasnt able to share this with her, so I am so glad i was able to...
I have a great support system, but sometimes you dont want to bother people because you know they are having a hard time with this as well. Which is why I am so happy I found this board it is nice to express what is going on inside and to get it out...

I will keep in touch, right now this board and the blog I am able to do is a great outlet for me.

Thank you again... I am sorry for the loss and the sorrow everyone else is going through as well

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

So sorry to hear of your Mom's passing....just be ready for all kinds of emotions to hit you all at once. Cry when you have to, it helps relieve the stress. Counseling is good if you can manage it with your busy schedule, preggy and all! Congratulations and just remember to take care of yourself and your precious cargo...One life gone, another begins. That's life!

Bless you, Gayle

rubyslippers
Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

I am so sorry about yours mum pain and fight. its been five months since I lost my wonderful mum, I have the screaming, erational, erratic behaviour, But I also have my mum in my heart all the time, When I really need her I get this warmth an happiness and I know its mum. My little girl has not been very well but I felt my mum around me all the because My mum would have been the one to comfort me so i could help my little girl. I honestly believe that our wonderful mums never leave us girls, never doubt they are with you, a mother and daughter love is so unbreakable. good luck girls and big hugs to you xxxx

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

HI,
So sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Don't know how long she was sick, but I'm so glad that you got to tell her you were pregnant. It's so sad that she won't be here to share in your joy when the baby is born, but I'm sure she'll be watching down on you.
Take care of yourself, you have to think of your health now for the baby.
I agree with you about this board being a great outlet. I came across it after my husband died last March. It's a comfort coming here and it's like we're one BIG family!!
Congratulations on your pregnancy. When is the baby due?? "Carole"

Cindy Bear
Posts: 560
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry for your loss and I know how difficult the holidays must be for you. I Lost my mother in June 2009 from
uterine cancer. We only found out that January that she had cancer and then in Feb. after running for cat scan and pet scan, and waiting for hours in a cold, drs office (because he was overbooked and called back into surgery more times than not) that it was Stage IV. She passed away 4 months after starting "Treatment" and I keep thinking why, why here, what the heck just happened here.. Yes cancer sucks and it's not easy and you will grieve and need to grieve. I have run the gamut of emotions..mostly anger, shock, cynicism.. Anger isn't healthy but it was my lifeline the first few months.. anger kept me going.. I still have dark moments of why, why her, why cancer, why stage IV.. but I've been coming here now for over a year and I have met some wonderful people on these boards. They have given me strength, comfort and lots of cyber hugs. I hope you will continue to come here to vent and share and may you find peace in 2011. Hugs, Cindy

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words, but know that her love for you will never be lost. You will come to know it in a different way, but just as strong, nonetheless. I can't imagine your grief, but can remember my joy at expecting my children. This little love growing inside you will give you so much love, and you will share your mom with them as they grow. Bless you and take great care.

Lucy

madhura
Posts: 21
Joined: Aug 2010

Sorry to hear about your loss.
I lost my mom 3 months back - the pain is beyond words, it's cannot be described.

But that does not mean she is not a part of my life anymore. I can see her smiling when I do something good, and I can see her frowning when I create mess in my home or in the kitchen. When my 2 year old daughter does something new, I can sense her smiling and the proud expression.

I feel terrible that my daughter won't remember seeing her when she grows up, though my mom has done the most for her till she was here. But what I pass on to my daughter is indeed going to be wht my mom taught me. I will pass on every bit of tradition and values that my mom gave me.

Forevermissed - it also means Foreverloved. Though your mom is not around for your baby, your baby will indeed be a reflection of her unbringing for you. Knowingly or unknowingly, you will shower your mom's love on your baby.

Take care.

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

I like that "Forevermissed means Foreverloved". Very true.

motoole226
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2010

My mother passed away on January 1st of unknown primary cancer. She was diagnosed the weekend after Thanksgiving, but was in and out of the hospital since September. No one could figure out what was wrong with her. When we got the diagnose we knew it would be quick, but she fought and we still had hope. She passed away with my dad, uncle and I with her and we were all able to care for her everyday...she was never alone. Two weeks before she was diagnosed I was also able to tell her that I was pregnant; I'll be due in July. I'm an only child so this has been pretty difficult on me in regards to all the paperwork, arrangements and loose ends to tie up. I miss her so much; it hits me like a slap in the face and I'm unable to do anything until I try to deal with it. I can't call her and it kills me, and I'm so scared about how much I'm going to miss her when I have my own child.

I'm also afraid that I'm not fully dealing with it yet. I'm afraid it will get worse. If you'd like to talk via email my email is motoole226@gmail.com. I'm 27 and it's so difficult to find someone who can relate to something like this. Good luck

Hopeful720's picture
Hopeful720
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010

I am so sorry for your loss. I just wrote a thread about my dad who passed away on 1/19 at the age of 56. I am 28 - Motoole - I know you're looking for people who can relate. I absolutely can, and many people on the boards relate, as well.

I know how difficult this is, and how lost you feel. I feel the same. I keep referring to it as a dark place. I just want my dad to be back and I know he won't be calling, and he won't be joking around with me anymore. I miss him so much. I know you miss your loved ones, too. It absolutely is like a slap in the face - it feels like my heart is aching. I know that our loved ones are with us always, looking down on us, and protecting us, but like you said forevermissed - you'd rather have your loved one here. People keep saying that my dad is in a better place without pain, and of course I want him never to suffer and never to feel pain, but I also hate knowing that cancer took him away from me and the people that love him. It is so painful. I know time heals, and I know I just need to be patient with myself, but I do not think this pain will ever subside, it just might not feel as intense.

Thinking of all of you and sending peace, warmth, prayers and hugs to you.

It brings peace knowing I am not alone in my pain.

Hopeful720's picture
Hopeful720
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010

I also wanted to say that I am an only child, too. I think there is a thread for only children on here.

Nicole41
Posts: 20
Joined: Feb 2011

I too have lost my mother - On january 30, 2011. The pain is raw and I feel as though I am in a dark pit that I can't climb out of. Your comments resinate with me as I lost my dad and brother to lung cancer as well. I am married with step-children but have wondered who is going to love me unconditionally now? Who I am going to reminisce with? I am ready a book called MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS. It is very very insightful. Please know you are not alone............and ever will be as the spirits of our loved ones will always be with us

Nicole41
Posts: 20
Joined: Feb 2011

I too have lost my mother - On january 30, 2011. The pain is raw and I feel as though I am in a dark pit that I can't climb out of. Your comments resinate with me as I lost my dad and brother to lung cancer as well. I am married with step-children but have wondered who is going to love me unconditionally now? Who I am going to reminisce with? I am ready a book called MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS. It is very very insightful. Please know you are not alone............and ever will be as the spirits of our loved ones will always be with us

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