Hi there. I have been riding this cancer caregiver roller coaster since 9-09 when my then 48 year old hubby was dx'd with Hodgkins stage IVB. To make a long story short, he underwent a rescue stem cell transplant with a ten-fifteen percent survival rate last Sept. Before that his disease became refractory for the second time and I had to be told alone by his doc that he had 2 choices: go home on ho****e or attempt the rescue transplant. That obviously was the worst day of my life. Then I had the fun task of going with the nurse while she told him.
Since transplant he has been sick, sick, sick. He was hospitalized about half of December for various complications, mostly gastrointestinal bleeding which I attribute to the conditioning chemo pre-transplant. We have 3 daughters and no other local family or support. I will not leave him alone with one of the girls (they are all teenagers...yeah fun huh???) because he has been so unstable that I fear something will happen and the one caring for him would feel guilty forever. I am trapped at home now but I try to make the best of it. I am a nurse by trade which is a mixed blessing...I am glad I have a medical background but I also KNOW what is going on and it scares me more. His post transplant PET scan was cancer free but we are still so afraid from everything that happened that we are afraid to celebrate, then I feel guilty for not being thankful. I don't think God would bring him through all of that and then take him but he just won't recover. Maybe it was all too much.
Thanks in advance and nice to meet you. God bless all of you caregivers as I know how difficult it is.