I am sick at Heart

mrsbotch
mrsbotch Member Posts: 349
edited March 2014 in Esophageal Cancer #1
Yesterday Vince, my husband, had another 5 liters of fluid drained off his abdomen.He had had 5 drained off 2 weeks ago. The cystology report came back and there are malignant cells in the fluid. This is just so hard. We are going to our local oncologist in Blairsville, Georgia and he will have his 5th chemo cocktail on Monday of next week. Its taxetore, cisplatin andXeloda.

I have been working with Chuck Hileman , the P.A. for Dr. Luketich, at UPMC.
They do not know these latest results except that I left a phone message yesterday for Chuck.
I had so hoped that Vince could get better with the chemo and then maybe go see Dr. Luketich but now that it is in the abdominal fluid I just feel like its all over for him. I called sweet Sherri yesterday as I was so upset and she tried to calm me but I will tell all of you I AM SO SICK OF THIS CANCER.................... I really am getting to the point that I just can't bare it anymore.
We have done EVERYTHING we can do and ITS STILL NOT ENOUGH.

I am so sorry to dump on all of you but I need support today.


Barb

Comments

  • unclaw2002
    unclaw2002 Member Posts: 599
    Barb,
    You and your husband

    Barb,

    You and your husband have my prayers and a big virtual hug. This cancer is such a monster it seems that there are days that it gets the best of us and we feel so defeated --- but then the next morning we remind ourselves that we are still here, still survivors and intent on enjoying the life we have. Feel free to dump and vent today. I have had many a day, sometimes several in a row, when I felt I couldn't take another scan report or any more news about what the Cancer is doing to my dear father. You are not alone.

    You have been an amazing support to your husband and to others here. I have every confidence that you can and will go on, as will your husband. This is a setback but there is hope and there are new treatments being developed every day. And remember everything you have done has kept Vince with you and your family --- it isn't a waste. I guess as MOE tells folks you will need to "Put on those Big Girl Panties" and get your Dancing Shoes out because as Kitten (a wonderful former member) used to share with everyone "LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS IT'S LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN."

    Much love,
    Cindy
  • hope0310
    hope0310 Member Posts: 320

    Barb,
    You and your husband

    Barb,

    You and your husband have my prayers and a big virtual hug. This cancer is such a monster it seems that there are days that it gets the best of us and we feel so defeated --- but then the next morning we remind ourselves that we are still here, still survivors and intent on enjoying the life we have. Feel free to dump and vent today. I have had many a day, sometimes several in a row, when I felt I couldn't take another scan report or any more news about what the Cancer is doing to my dear father. You are not alone.

    You have been an amazing support to your husband and to others here. I have every confidence that you can and will go on, as will your husband. This is a setback but there is hope and there are new treatments being developed every day. And remember everything you have done has kept Vince with you and your family --- it isn't a waste. I guess as MOE tells folks you will need to "Put on those Big Girl Panties" and get your Dancing Shoes out because as Kitten (a wonderful former member) used to share with everyone "LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS IT'S LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN."

    Much love,
    Cindy

    Hugs and Good Thoughts....
    Cancer Bites....that is a fact....

    Be good to yourself
    Elysia
  • mrsbotch
    mrsbotch Member Posts: 349

    Barb,
    You and your husband

    Barb,

    You and your husband have my prayers and a big virtual hug. This cancer is such a monster it seems that there are days that it gets the best of us and we feel so defeated --- but then the next morning we remind ourselves that we are still here, still survivors and intent on enjoying the life we have. Feel free to dump and vent today. I have had many a day, sometimes several in a row, when I felt I couldn't take another scan report or any more news about what the Cancer is doing to my dear father. You are not alone.

    You have been an amazing support to your husband and to others here. I have every confidence that you can and will go on, as will your husband. This is a setback but there is hope and there are new treatments being developed every day. And remember everything you have done has kept Vince with you and your family --- it isn't a waste. I guess as MOE tells folks you will need to "Put on those Big Girl Panties" and get your Dancing Shoes out because as Kitten (a wonderful former member) used to share with everyone "LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS IT'S LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN."

    Much love,
    Cindy

    Thank you
    This board is my strength and you and all the rest of these wonderful people mean so much to me. How is your dad doing in the traul at MD Anderson? Please keep me posted . I am praying for him too.
    Would I have to wat until Vince finishes all of his chemo here before we apply for the trial? In the meantime I would like to get his records ready if that is the case. Should I call them first? I was so impressed with the UPMC team but I don't think they have a clinical trial that Vince could be part of.


    Thank you again for my vent. I needed it.


    barb
  • mrsbotch
    mrsbotch Member Posts: 349
    hope0310 said:

    Hugs and Good Thoughts....
    Cancer Bites....that is a fact....

    Be good to yourself
    Elysia

    you are always in my thoughts
    I cannot imagine losing either my mom or now my husband.That peom you posted around Christmas time really hit home.

    Thank you


    Barb
  • MRapp226
    MRapp226 Member Posts: 44
    Feel free to vent....
    ANYTIME!!!!!!!! I shared so much on this site and am always soo grateful for the support. It is an ugly beast but know there are a ton of wonderful people here for you and your husband. Stay Stong... Stay Optimistic... Cancer SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

    I will be praying for healing and strength.

    Warmest regards,
    Melissa
  • LivingFaith
    LivingFaith Member Posts: 74
    MRapp226 said:

    Feel free to vent....
    ANYTIME!!!!!!!! I shared so much on this site and am always soo grateful for the support. It is an ugly beast but know there are a ton of wonderful people here for you and your husband. Stay Stong... Stay Optimistic... Cancer SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

    I will be praying for healing and strength.

    Warmest regards,
    Melissa

    Been there
    We have all been there at times. Scream away. It can be the most helpless feeling. No matter how much we hope, wish, pray, and want it sometimes our will does not match up with God's will.

    My dad passed away 3 weeks ago. I look back now at what got me through the tough stuff and asking "Why God isn't this or that working?' I prayed everyday that His plan was the same as our plan for my dad, to be cured, live longer, live pain free. But at the same time, especially at the end, I prayed for peace. God's peace to enter our hearts, strength, and comfort.

    I will pray these same words for you and vince.

    Deb
  • Donna70
    Donna70 Member Posts: 852 Member

    Been there
    We have all been there at times. Scream away. It can be the most helpless feeling. No matter how much we hope, wish, pray, and want it sometimes our will does not match up with God's will.

    My dad passed away 3 weeks ago. I look back now at what got me through the tough stuff and asking "Why God isn't this or that working?' I prayed everyday that His plan was the same as our plan for my dad, to be cured, live longer, live pain free. But at the same time, especially at the end, I prayed for peace. God's peace to enter our hearts, strength, and comfort.

    I will pray these same words for you and vince.

    Deb

    let it out
    Hi Barb and Vince,
    What a terrible disappointment and I don't blame you one bit for wanting to scream. This and all cancers stink and keep on coming despite many meds etc. I will be praying for a solution and comfort for you and Vince. As someone before me said, it bites. It is alright to be upset and even at God, for He loves us so much he can take our anger and disappointment and will wait for us to ask what now? I hope the drs come up with a good plan for Vince. Please take care and know many here are rooting for you and Vince.
    Donna70
  • paul61
    paul61 Member Posts: 1,391 Member
    You should Vent!!!!
    Barb,

    I am so sorry to hear the latest information about the contents of the fluid removed from Vince’s abdomen. I know it has to be heartbreaking for both of you.

    After all the misery of the side effects of chemotherapy, you hope the payback is good news on the other end.

    It is very difficult to watch someone you love get terrible news like that and have the sense of helplessness that comes with doing everything you can think of to make progress only to be slapped in the face with news like that.

    You should vent!!!

    It is healthy and important to get rid of the anger and frustration before going to God in prayer and saying, “Vince and I are in your hands now, please guide us in what to do next, and please bring us comfort and peace as we move forward in this difficult time”.

    I will be praying that God reveals the best path for you to follow and brings you comfort and peace as you move past the shock and anger of this latest news and decide what to do next.

    Best Regards,

    Paul Adams
    McCormick, South Carolina

    DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
    12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
    2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
    6/21/2010 CT Scan NED

    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
  • Boston67
    Boston67 Member Posts: 61
    You have my support
    Hi,

    You have my support. How may I help you? I sure know how you feel.

    Things have happened to me since I learned I was dying. Great joys from others that I might have missed.

    When eah of my parents died years ago, I could not think of either for several years without crying. Now I am the Grandfather and every memory is each is a charished joy. The tears are wonderful memories and their love and devotion to me.

    I can't do much, but I can hold your hand and listen, and you will believe me when I say I know how you feel.

    I am not fond of cancer either, who is! It sucks, but that is only one of the things that is happening to us. We are offered many monents of grace, I feel love in new, deeped and richer ways.

    I'll do anything you might ask. you can find me on facebook.

    Love,
    Keith

    Keith Rodney
    age 67 Boston
    EC stage IV
  • Boston67
    Boston67 Member Posts: 61
    paul61 said:

    You should Vent!!!!
    Barb,

    I am so sorry to hear the latest information about the contents of the fluid removed from Vince’s abdomen. I know it has to be heartbreaking for both of you.

    After all the misery of the side effects of chemotherapy, you hope the payback is good news on the other end.

    It is very difficult to watch someone you love get terrible news like that and have the sense of helplessness that comes with doing everything you can think of to make progress only to be slapped in the face with news like that.

    You should vent!!!

    It is healthy and important to get rid of the anger and frustration before going to God in prayer and saying, “Vince and I are in your hands now, please guide us in what to do next, and please bring us comfort and peace as we move forward in this difficult time”.

    I will be praying that God reveals the best path for you to follow and brings you comfort and peace as you move past the shock and anger of this latest news and decide what to do next.

    Best Regards,

    Paul Adams
    McCormick, South Carolina

    DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
    12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
    2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
    6/21/2010 CT Scan NED

    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

    Dance Like there is No tomorrow
    Hi,

    Yes, just dance. When like sends you a lemon, Make lemonaide!

    Keith
    age 67 Boston
    EC stage IV
  • This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • oriontj
    oriontj Member Posts: 375
    Boston67 said:

    Dance Like there is No tomorrow
    Hi,

    Yes, just dance. When like sends you a lemon, Make lemonaide!

    Keith
    age 67 Boston
    EC stage IV

    I hate lemonade
    Maybe I will make lemon chiffon cake...or put it in my ice tea..or lemon squares...
    Would that be ok>

    jan
  • Boston67
    Boston67 Member Posts: 61
    More support for you
    Hi,

    Thanks for your email. Here is more support for you. Join me on facebook. My son Keith Rodney is the skiier, mine has tina in the photo.

    Keith