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Brain Surgery, Really?

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

One brain tumor located behind the left cheekbone, back along side the ear about the size of a golf ball? Starting to affect speech and thinking skills. It's a good thing my husband is left handed. Primary melanoma was never located but first metastasized to the leg/groin area. Tumor was surgically removed end of July just 5 months ago. Now my husband faces another surgery soon and with it comes risk as in any surgery.

I want off this roller coaster ride. (This is how I feel, not what I will do, really).

Christmas Day 2010 my husband was stage 3b
New Years Day 2011 my husband is stage 4

The difference is life.

OK... some have had many years of "no evidence of disease"...
some have had to fight for every second of their lives with the breath they have left.

I've been a good support system so far for my husband, he tells me so. I've been brave, I've cried when he has cried. I worry about our future... I realize our time together is not what we had hoped it would be. Taking one day at a time takes on a whole new meaning. I am scared and worried as I am his only caregiver, his only support, and he looks to me for guidance in all the he decides. Are my shoulders big enough for him to lean on?

My fears are growing and surgery will be soon.

I am not mentally ready.

Deb
lovingwife to Bob, newly diagnosed stage 4

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Deb,
I'm so sorry this isn't good news about Bob. It's not fair that he has to go through this. You said you're his only caregiver, don't you have anyone who can help you? It sucks that this disease consumes our lives and I'm sure Bob is frustrated too. Please know that if I could, I'd be there with you. Just try and treasure every day that you have him.
Although I prayed so hard that my hubby, Tom would be okay, the prayers didn't work. But I'll pray for Bob and hope you try and relax & be strong. "Carole"

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Deb,
There is no way to be mentally prepared or ready for any of this. We are all so far out of what is considered normal. I truly believe that my only option is to do what I can with what I have; doing the possible while I rely on God to do the impossible part.

You're as ready as you'll ever be; you're doing a wonderful job as Bobs caregiver, and you're making it through one day at a time, or one hour at a time, or one minute at a time. I don't believe we are given all of the strength we need befor any of this happens; we're given enough to get through what we face, just for today. Otherwise the fear and uncertainty of what next month or next year will bring is absolutely too overwhelming.

((Hugs))
Penny

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Surgery will be next Wednesday... Both of our tempers are getting shorter with each other. I can tell the stress is building between us, the worry is thick with unspoken words now. The meeting with the neurosurgeon went well and he did and said everything right but it's still frightening.

My daughter will be with me for the hours of waiting and that I am grateful for.

We will spend this weekend "getting our affairs in order" for the just in casebut those are words of advisement, let's hope I don't need the process.

Deb
lovingwife to Bob, stage 4

Noellesmom
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

Can be just awful, I know.

You will get through. Just give each other lots of hugs and try to be gentle with one another.

You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers, Deb. I know this is so tough.

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Deb, Keep hanging in there. No one provides a script for this with what to do, say, or feel. I find that reading these posts makes me realize that I am not alone in this battle.

Best of luck to you and Bob on his upcoming surgery.

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