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Having a bad day!

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

To all my CSN friends,
I thought I was doing pretty good since this is the first Christmas without my hubby, Tom. But started having a hard time last night and today isn't any better. I suppose this is normal, but just wish I had his arms around me right now. There's probably a few more of you who are feeling the same way, right? All I wish is for this holiday season to be over. Can't wait to turn on the radio and hear regular music again.
Christmas day I'm going to my sisters and I know that will be hard. But Christmas day is going to be worse cause I'll be with my 3 kids & spouses & grandkids, but there;s going to be an empty spot & I know I am going to break down. It'll be hard for the kids too and I'm sure once we all cry for awhile it'll be okay.
Well, I could ramble on cause when I'm on this site I feel like we are all so close. So guess I better start doing something to help me relax.
Hope you all who are fighting this darn disease & all of you survivors, caregivers & those who have lost someone they loved, have as best of Christmas that they can.
God Bless you all! "Carole" (Mana, as my grandkids call me)

nancyivb
Posts: 8
Joined: Jul 2010

I lost my fiance to esophagus cancer in August. I too thought I was doing ok and then had a complete melt down last night. I hate it when it sneaks up like that. I have a teenage daughter I am trying to hold it together for, but cannot wait for this to be over. While I wouldn't wish this on anyone it helps to know I am not the only one feeling like this.

Nancy

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Nancy,
Too bad we can't all be together so we can cry and move on, huh? There are going to be alot of tears shed by most of us these next few days. Yesterday I was just sitting looking at recipes of appetizers to make when I go to my sisters Christmas Eve. All of a sudden the tears just rolled down my face and I couldn't stop crying and remembering how Tom liked all of these. My daughter had just happened to be over and she just put her arm around me & she cried too. Hopefully after these "1st" holidays things get better.
I'm so sorry you lost your fiance. We just have to hang in there & if we feel like crying, do it! Take care! "Carole"

junklady's picture
junklady
Posts: 88
Joined: Aug 2009

I know the tears keep coming. I too was trying to bake, listening to Christmas music, and the tears came. I couldn't stop. I keep asking why did you leave me? What do you want me to do? Give me a sign. Dale will be gone 4 months on Dec. 29. I remember him looking at all the Christmas decorations last year, he knew it would be his last. I miss him so much. May we all find a little peace this holiday season, knowing our loved one is in heaven with Jesus this Christmas. Take care.

Cyndi

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