Cancer and Christmas

Cinnaeve
Cinnaeve Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Head and Neck Cancer #1
I am about to lose my Dad to cancer right here around Christmas. I could write a book on how unfair life is and how much this sucks, but I'll spare you all. I'm sure you can all relate. How do you deal with this, especially during this time of the year? This is miserable.

A little history: My Dad is a 64 year-old non-smoking, light to moderate beer drinker, active, hardworking, otherwise healthy man. He was diagnosed with tonsil cancer in September 09 that spread to his neck region. After numerous treatments (rads to both sides of neck, several chemos, neck dissection, attempted surgery that resulted in an emergency tracheotomy) and now, just a little over a year later he is literally on his deathbed with hospice involved and round the clock care.

My Dad and I have always been so close. My Mom is shutting down mentally. I am basically in charge here. I just want to scream. I am so mad. This is so unfair. Sorry for the rant. Just want to know how others deal with or have dealt with this during the holidays. It's hard enough, and the holidays make it harder.

Comments

  • DJG1
    DJG1 Member Posts: 121
    I am so sorry to hear about
    I am so sorry to hear about your Dads condition. Life is not fair, but we must embrase every moment we have. I wish I had some magic that would change your dad situtation, but I dont have. Try to take every moment you have with your dad as a gift and enjoy it as much as you can. Hold his hand and laugh together. There will be plenty of time for sadness, so make the most of what you have today. My prayers will be with you.
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    Prayers lifted
    Lifting prayers for you and your family, Cinnaeve. Prayers for acceptance and prayers for grace.

    It has been said before how cancer just sucks the life out of everyone involved.

    Advise you to find somewhere to go and scream and get some of it out of your system so you can follow the advice given to embrace every minute of the time you have left with your dad.

    There is no easy time to face what you are facing but if there is any good in this, it is that you and your mom have each other and that your father will not likely face a New Year filled with pain and fear. It does not seem like it right now but it is a special blessing to know this.

    Please keep posting here: there are others with experiences who will come and share and pick you up when you fall down. We are all here for you.

    Praying, also, for a peace-filled Christmas season for you, Cinnaeve. I know that does not seem like a possibility to you right now.

    Have not checked yet this morning but if you haven't posted to the Caregivers section, please do so.
  • ratface
    ratface Member Posts: 1,337 Member
    DJG1 said:

    I am so sorry to hear about
    I am so sorry to hear about your Dads condition. Life is not fair, but we must embrase every moment we have. I wish I had some magic that would change your dad situtation, but I dont have. Try to take every moment you have with your dad as a gift and enjoy it as much as you can. Hold his hand and laugh together. There will be plenty of time for sadness, so make the most of what you have today. My prayers will be with you.

    Your dealing with it now
    Cinnaeve, seems to me your doing the best you know how. Since you have to hold it all together it's going to be very stressful for you. So you hold it together on the outside and come here or where ever you can get some comfort and let it loose. My dad passed on Thanksgiving from cancer. My mother also died from the disease. Obviously I have had cancer. The harsh reality is that cancer is a horrible awful monster that touches us all. The only weapon you have is your mental faculties to comprehend and perseveere. Use this community as a resource. Put one foot in front of the other and you will come out the other side with a little less pain than today. Walking with you.
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    Stay Positive
    Very sorry for your situation, but try to stay positive and up. Mainly for your father and mother. It's hard and you have to be strong for them at the moment.

    Like mentioned above, enjoy the moments and time you have with your father right now. Cherish these moments in time, and make some life lasting memories. There will be time for sorrow and griving later.

    Thoughts & Prayers,
    John
  • Carolinagal
    Carolinagal Member Posts: 91
    So sorry you are going through this
    My Dad was diagnosed in October '09. He died in July of this year. He was 59. Like your father he did everything he could to fight the cancer. You are right, it doesn't seem fair that he fought so hard and went through so much. I have struggled to get the images from the last weeks of his life from playing over and over in my mind. Something that is helping is that I have a stack of pictures from happy, healthy times that I look at everyday. Now when I think of him those good images come to mind. There are some really rough places in the road that we travel on but I like to think there is a No Parking sign in those spots, we may get stuck for a little while but, we keep moving forward. There are some things we may never understand and why is a question that sometimes doesn't have an answer. We didn't get the miracle that we hoped for but 5 months away from it I can acknowledge a greater miracle for him. He is at peace in a wonderful place. For those of us left behind, everyday that we live is another day closer to seeing him.
    I'm sorry that you are going through this during the holidays. You are stronger than you realize. Your dad knows you've been there for him and that you'll be there for your mom. Hold his hand and embrace the time you have with him. Wishing you and yours Peace.
    Cindi
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    Hi Cinnaeve
    There are no words to express the sorrow of a person passing on especially during the holidays. You are right it is so unfair but we all find strength here together and that is why I believe most of us stay here on CSN.

    My heart goes out to you and your family.
    Hondo
  • Kent Cass
    Kent Cass Member Posts: 1,898 Member
    Hondo said:

    Hi Cinnaeve
    There are no words to express the sorrow of a person passing on especially during the holidays. You are right it is so unfair but we all find strength here together and that is why I believe most of us stay here on CSN.

    My heart goes out to you and your family.
    Hondo

    Cinnaeve
    As does my heart, and the heart of all, here, Cinnaeve. Prayers are with you and your Father.

    Believe

    kcass
  • sue5749
    sue5749 Member Posts: 170
    Kent Cass said:

    Cinnaeve
    As does my heart, and the heart of all, here, Cinnaeve. Prayers are with you and your Father.

    Believe

    kcass

    My husband was just
    My husband was just diagnosed with cancer and is to start cemo this Monday it was such a shock! I just don't know how everyone here does it, with Christmas just a few days away. I am so sad, and yes angry!
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    sue5749 said:

    My husband was just
    My husband was just diagnosed with cancer and is to start cemo this Monday it was such a shock! I just don't know how everyone here does it, with Christmas just a few days away. I am so sad, and yes angry!

    Hi Sue
    Welcome to CSN, I know the shock in hearing you have Cancer but don’t be afraid many of us are here to help people like you and your husband who are just starting. It is OK to be angry and sad I believe we all go through that phase. When you get time please let us know what type of cancer both of you are fighting.

    All the best
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    sue5749 said:

    My husband was just
    My husband was just diagnosed with cancer and is to start cemo this Monday it was such a shock! I just don't know how everyone here does it, with Christmas just a few days away. I am so sad, and yes angry!

    Shock
    That's an understatement....

    Like Hondo mentioned, it's a very natural firrst reaction....it'll somewhat pass.

    Welcome to our fourm, there are many here that are in varying stages of process. Some just starting others nearly finished and a lot that have completed treatment and are in many different ranges of post treatment.

    There are tons and tons of history, and a lot of persoanl expereince. More than likely if you have a question, symptom, side effect, etc....someone on here has had it or going through it.

    It usually doesn't take long for a response no matter day or night.

    Best,
    John
  • sweetblood22
    sweetblood22 Member Posts: 3,228
    Skiffin16 said:

    Shock
    That's an understatement....

    Like Hondo mentioned, it's a very natural firrst reaction....it'll somewhat pass.

    Welcome to our fourm, there are many here that are in varying stages of process. Some just starting others nearly finished and a lot that have completed treatment and are in many different ranges of post treatment.

    There are tons and tons of history, and a lot of persoanl expereince. More than likely if you have a question, symptom, side effect, etc....someone on here has had it or going through it.

    It usually doesn't take long for a response no matter day or night.

    Best,
    John

    I found out I had cancer
    I found out I had cancer this time, two years ago. About a week and a half before Christmas. I remember walking out of all my tons of doctors wishing me Merry Christmas and telling me to enjoy the holidays. I remember thinking, yeah right. How am I supposed to enjoy it now? But I should have. Last year I couldn't even eat at Christmas, a whole year later. If nothing else, cancer has taught me to live in the moment and try to enjoy every minute, count every blessing and always continue to have hope and believe...

    Thank you to all who helped me after rads. I feel like I have come a long way and some of my progress is because of finding CSN.

    Cinnaeve, I have been praying for you. My thoughts are also with the caregivers here who have lost their loved ones. My Christmas has never been the same since my younger brother passed. I find this to be a hard time of year for me.

    Blessings,

    Sweet
  • staceya
    staceya Member Posts: 720

    I found out I had cancer
    I found out I had cancer this time, two years ago. About a week and a half before Christmas. I remember walking out of all my tons of doctors wishing me Merry Christmas and telling me to enjoy the holidays. I remember thinking, yeah right. How am I supposed to enjoy it now? But I should have. Last year I couldn't even eat at Christmas, a whole year later. If nothing else, cancer has taught me to live in the moment and try to enjoy every minute, count every blessing and always continue to have hope and believe...

    Thank you to all who helped me after rads. I feel like I have come a long way and some of my progress is because of finding CSN.

    Cinnaeve, I have been praying for you. My thoughts are also with the caregivers here who have lost their loved ones. My Christmas has never been the same since my younger brother passed. I find this to be a hard time of year for me.

    Blessings,

    Sweet

    You all say it so well. It
    You all say it so well. It was exactly a year ago today, on Christmas Eve, when I was diagnosed.

    Stacey
  • Pam M
    Pam M Member Posts: 2,196
    No Advice
    My heart aches for you. I'm sitting here, home tonight from my surgery with my neck tight and tears in my eyes. Losing a parent is horrible. I'm so sorry for you.