CSN Login
Members Online: 10

How do you deal with depressing people...

Wrxdrew
Posts: 5
Joined: Dec 2010

Saw my mom last week. Her spirit is good, her body is not. It was good just to spend the time. Now I have to go back to work until I break for Christmas.

How in the he'll do you deal with depressed and high-strung people who have 1/10th the bullshit and stress in their life?

There are a couple of people at work who seem chronically un-happy and stressed out. Before my mom's situation they were already difficult enough. Now I am on Prozac, working with a therapist and doing all I can to hold it together and these people want to go and pretend like their lives suck. What the hell? How do I not let them get me down?

How do you hold it together and what gets you through?

ketziah35
Posts: 1154
Joined: Jun 2010

I avoid them and only speak to them when necessary and keep the conversation short. My thing right now is that I am no longer looking forward to the holidays and everyone else at my job is excited about it. Additionally, I have not had a vacation since last Christmas and I am tired so I am mpre blunt than usual.

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

I choose who I associate with carefully. At work it makes it difficult though. Here's a visualization technique I use:

When they start blathering/complaining/whining/feeling sorry for themselves and their relatively small problems, I visualize the word "VAMPIRE" tattooed on their forehead. It reminds me of the rule that vampires can only come in when you invite them.(They knock at the window in the old b & w movies) But once they get in, there are only two outcomes:
1. The bite you and suck you dry and
2. They turn you into a vampire.

My BS tolerator is broken these days. I just don't have the inclination to be polite and tactful anymore. Also, keeping the conversations shorts keeps me from b**ch slapping them. : )
Penny

1Teresa
Posts: 68
Joined: Dec 2010

I have little or no tolerance for crap anymore. In the last several years I have been to hell and back and now this with my mom who is really my hero and always was...... After my mom is gone, if not for my kids, I would probably just check out. But my kids need me. My daughter is 19 and was born with mental retardation, my son is now 17 and has an extremely rare disease that makes it so he cant walk and he will have to have full hip replacements for the rest of his life. There is more REAL issues too. I have totally given up on being around people in real life and much prefer being a loner. I just have no room for bs anymore. My mom and both kids need me, so I keep chuggin along but I have been very hurt by other people and the system who had my complete trust and devotion..... I am depressed enough over real stuff, I got no room for garbage so I avoid people.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

They aren't just acting like their lives suck: they do.

The key is their lives suck because they make them.

Tell them you are sorry for the difficult times they are having and go on with living your life with your mom in your heart and the knowledge you know what is really important.

These people often go through life and just never know because they think it is all about themselves.

Sad, really, when you think about it. They never seem to know joy.

Hugs to you, Wrxdrew. Because you recognize this difference, you will do well.

cher8871
Posts: 64
Joined: May 2010

my cousin's gf came over the other night....we were having a small celebration because finally, at the age of 40, she got her college degree. her bf (my own cousin) called and accused her of having some guy over here....I SNAPPED!! i grabbed her phone and asked him what his problem was. i asked him to put himself in my shoes for just a second and think about how stupid it would be for me to entertain her and some imaginary bf......God, sometimes you just wanna smack people. at least i do...usually on a daily basis. then i felt bad because the man that raised him, my uncle, died of an extremely rare form of leukemia several years ago.....again, cancer, even though i don't have it, engulfs my life~

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

Sarcasm. Lots and Lots of sarcasm. And extremely dark humor. When someone like who you described crosses their path, they are looking for validation that they really to deserve the "poor pity me" award.

So when you start joking how man I just could not get my beauty sleep, I was up all night holding my husband's head off the rim of the toilet bowl. Or there's mucus and blood all over my bathroom mirror from my husband cleaning his stoma, do you know how to get it off with out using windex I ran out and haven't had the time to pick more up? And do it with a smile, they magically disappear.

Because they start seeing that thier "poor pity me' attitude has no place in your life.

Because you know how to deal with life and the obviously can't. Don't feel bad, it's not your fault they haven't gotten their s*** together. But they will realize you don't have time for theirs.

Last ditch effort is to tell them to go blank themselves. That works too.

Hugs hun,
April

1Teresa
Posts: 68
Joined: Dec 2010

"Last ditch effort is to tell them to go blank themselves. That works too." This is good!!

Mrsbourceforce
Posts: 19
Joined: Sep 2010

I have more of a problem just resenting people who have the luxery of being stressed over "normal" problems.. I try to remind myself that my husband has a very good chance of being cured from his treatment.. But at the moment I'm having problems dealing with the knowledge that even if he is, I have to find a way to live with the constant fear of recurrance.

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Me too, Mrs B. A work associate told her story of her 80 yr old dad passing in his sleep of a heart attack. I was immediately overcome with resentment and, if you can believe it, jealousy.

Mrsbourceforce
Posts: 19
Joined: Sep 2010

I know what you mean.. I know losing a parent is difficult, but we all kind of expect that to happen.. It's the normal course of life.. When you have 13 and 10 year old kids, dealing with the possibility of losing your husband at age 40.. Seems a lot worse! Getting to your 80' s and dying of a heart attack seems like winning the lottery to me at this point!

ketziah35
Posts: 1154
Joined: Jun 2010

I fired them! YesterdayB

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2015 © Cancer Survivors Network