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I've been busy admiring my body

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3476
Joined: Apr 2010

Yep, my date of a new scar is looming on the horizon.
And yes, my name is WOMAN, so hell yes I'm vain.
I'm thinking how great my tummy looks now (well, for the past few years of old age, I've been thinking otherwise, funny how cancer can change an attitude)and how I'm going to miss the "smoothness" of it.
I do this surgery for "life" but, well, can't a bit of regret sneak in?
Because it sure seems to. I've got another week with this body. I'm going to enjoy looking at it in the mirror while I can.
Winter Marie

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

Where you will get a new scar is not where us guys look. We look at the fun parts.

Take it from a real dirty old man.

Kerry

khl8
Posts: 810
Joined: Nov 2009

Kerry,
Where were you when I was having the same body image issues? You are great!
Marie, my tummy looks like a roadmap, I have the resection scar, the illesotmy scar, and now a cricle of 8 small scars surrounding all of these, yea it sure is pretty. It is not like i was wearing bikini's anymore but the thought that no matter how firm I can get it, the days of midriff baring stuff is gone. But on the other hand, I have to look at the scars as war wounds and these scars have saved my life. So go on, be vain, you deserve it!!!

Kathy

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3476
Joined: Apr 2010

I'm glad some agrees that I have the right to be vain!!! Because well, truthfully, I am.
I'll be glad my life is saved for somewhat longer and these scars will bear that, but, dang, I wish I didn't have to. You understand.
Winter Marie

khl8
Posts: 810
Joined: Nov 2009

I got a good look at the new scars from the hernia surgery, yes there are 8 of them (lproscopic) and they now circle the outside of my tummy, damn, it now looks like a bullseye with a large line in the center! Trying to not get down about it, but I feel your anguish, this sucks! :(

Kathy

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3476
Joined: Apr 2010

I think my hubby needs lessons on being a Dirty Old Man, I'm thinking I would like that. ROFLMAO!!!
Thanks Kerry you always know what to say to cheer me up!!!
Now if Buzzard would just chime in, I'd go to surgery feeling like a W O M A N!!!
LOL,
Loves,
Winter Marie

AnneCan
Posts: 3693
Joined: Oct 2009

And you will come out an improved version!

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

I should have finished putting my thoughts down.

Once us guys see the fun parts, we focus on the primary goal. That goal being sex to make more of us. It’s like our minds snap. We get so damn focused that we do not have time for a full body inspection. We just want the “primary goal”. We are not bad people, it is just the way we be wired.

Kerry

abrub's picture
abrub
Posts: 1537
Joined: Mar 2010

He doesn't see my scars, but goes for the parts that interest him (and me, too!) Then we have fun.

In answer to a part of this thread further down, OMG - Yes, I'm married and have sex! Even after 30 years of marriage! Whatever is wrong with us!

Of note, my recent surgery (hernia repair) restored my responsiveness. I guess the stress of knowing another surgery was waiting for me drained me to the point that I was temporarily out of things...

Big hugs to you, Winter Marie! Surgery is no fun, but it gets us where we need to be. At least we're here to complain about the scars and our bodies! The alternative stinks.

Alice

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

OK, I've never seen you in the flesh but this I can tell you -- you will still be beautiful with scars.

Before my first surgery (not including my two cesarians!) I had a photographer come to my house and take nude photos of me. I'm kinda glad I did that!

I've had several more surgeries since then -- I look like a road map! But I gotta tell you -- I'm pretty gorgeous! You too

Tara

abrub's picture
abrub
Posts: 1537
Joined: Mar 2010

My scars had almost faded by the time I had my hernia surgery in June - ah the joys of fresh scars! However, surgeons tend to use the same scar lines whenever possible, so I can hope that in another 3 years, the new scars will have faded.

My hernia surgery was open, so they used the long scar, but I also got the circle of little scars to add to my collection, as they used those to stitch down the mesh. War wounds...

Alice

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3476
Joined: Apr 2010

You were the first person I think I ever spoke to on this web site. You have a special place in my heart.
War wounds, exactly, damn it, it's a vicious war.
Winter Marie

bruins1971's picture
bruins1971
Posts: 228
Joined: Nov 2010

I must have missed the post. What type of surgery are you getting and what day?

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3476
Joined: Apr 2010

My dear, thank you for reminding me, I'm not exactly going to be wearing a bikini, LMAO, haven't done that in 20 years!!!
I'm sure it will be a success, but as you understand, our vanity comes forward from time to time.
Thank you for your best wishes!!!
Winter Marie

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3476
Joined: Apr 2010

It's a happenin on the 20th, removing right side colon, left lobe of liver, a small part some where near the kidney, possible ovaries, radiation, 4 surgeons operating on different parts, and one on stand by. Should be quite the circus.
Winter Marie

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 542
Joined: Sep 2009

I can understand the struggle with the scars and body image. Lets face it, the surgery scars from cancer are not those cute little scars that lead to an amusing story, about some little misadventure you had while out drinking with your buddies. They are huge, can change the place of your belly button, I am now crooked. Being single adds a different part to it too, I feel like I need to warn people first. When I am out on a date I think, when should I tell them, it is such a big part of who I am, yet does not define me. ugh....sigh.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3015
Joined: May 2009

Christine, you mean you have sex and aren't married! OMG!!! Ha, HA! I am glad I am married and don't have deal with that. I know it has to be tough for you. I have to tell this funny story.

My sister called, today to tell me that the soup was ready to come over, so in a rush not to keep her waiting, I decided to change out one PJ into another (have been under the weather and laying around). I took out the warmest PG pants I had and started to put them on, when realized I forgot my panties. I took a step forward to pull up my pants when I realized that I had both feet in one leg, and bang I fell forward onto my knees and wrists/hands. I had not pulled up my pants yet so I was a lovely sight, kneeling there on all fours. I broke out into a hysterical laugh. I mean I was snorting and all. My hands had went numb and I could not get right up. So, my husband runs in to see what the commotion is all about and starts cracking up! As he is helping me up and looking at me funny and I ask him, what are you looking at, my stomach? He replies, "honey, I would cover my ass before I started asking about my stomach. So we had a great laugh...then went and had soup!

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3476
Joined: Apr 2010

You mean you have sex and your married???? Please let my husband know about this!!!
Immediately!!!! It's been, well, hell, can't count that high, since.
Winter Marie

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3015
Joined: May 2009

It's not an option.....mandatory! :)

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 542
Joined: Sep 2009

If I had waited to have sex until I was married I would still be a virgin, now that is no way to live your life. LOL. That is a funny story about the pants, sometimes life is so crazy you just have to laugh at it.

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3476
Joined: Apr 2010

Your words, said it all, "Ugh, sigh". That's my feelings. The eloquence is in the simplicity of the words.
Thanks sister.
Winter Marie

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 877
Joined: Oct 2007

I'm also single and dating right now. Being a stage IV, i sometimes feel awkward calling myself a survivor since of course i haven't been given an NED, or remission diagnosis. That part is worse for me than describing the scars, which i stopped doing. So many men lose interest after they hear the cancer part, that if they stick around after hearing that, i'm not going to push it by describing my scars! lol

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3015
Joined: May 2009

You're right about the cancer part, that really sucks, and you are both gorgeous girls, so unfair! But you know have some fun, be careful, and live your life. You can be happy, and you find someone that is as strong as you...because you are no longer just a pretty girl!

Hugs!

Lori-S's picture
Lori-S
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sep 2010

I feel for you. I am single and for about a year before my dx I was dating a really great younger guy that I was very fond of. Once I got my dx I stopped seeing him though we still speak by phone from time to time. I felt a real loss when I broke up with him but, felt it was for the best for everyone.

I've thought of the what if ... of course right now with chemo dating is about the last thing on my mind. But ... What if I can kick this and go back out into the dating world. There are all those questions about when and how to even mention the cancer. But also, the not mentioning it and having a secret. I don't do well with keeping secrets about myself. Not that I let people in with everything right off the bat ... but cancer and how I've handled it and the changes in my perspective seem to now be an intergral part of who I am. I just like things out on the table and dealt with right up front. Unfortunately, that isn't the way a lot of the world handles things.

I will be sending out some good vibes for you and hoping that you find a special person who doesn't run or lose interest at the mention of cancer and looks beyond the superficial. Keep me updated on how it's going for you. Especially if there is someone special.

Lori-S's picture
Lori-S
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sep 2010

I had an open resection and that scar runs from my pubic bone to about 2.5 inches above my belly button. Dang! It even looks like I have 2 belly buttons now because the scar from the first staple was so deep. I look in the mirror and get confused about how high my pants are suppose to be! And because of the scar and my damn hernia ... like it says on my about me page .... my belly button is now crooked and a bit off center - kinda like my mind.

So, with that great scar I have the colostomy (which I can hardly wait to get rid of) which shall I say definitely interfers with my self imagine. It's not just vanity. It's also a reminder of the cancer so it holds that power too. I know some call them battle scars.
But, I'd rather not be reminded of the battle that often.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3015
Joined: May 2009

I must be really old fashioned....I am thinking that I would not get to home base with a guy until well who knows, chances are that most don't make it to Third. Geez, no wonder I was called the ice queen in my early twenties, if they only had known, Ha! But anyway, I still would not mention anything until I saw that maybe, he was the one, that would get lucky and I liked the guy, otherwise, why care, a rumble is a rumble. No ?!?!?

My husband, I kept nothing from him, I would stand in front of him, and say "see these scars, don't you ever leave me because I would have a lot of explaining to do..." Of course he said, "never." But the thought did cross my mind.

Last gathering, I showed everyone my scar. I am who I am, and everyone knows it. No pretense, no lies, take me as I am, or be dammed! lol

Ladies, you are beautiful when it comes to the scar, forget, it will fade in time. Hey we can get tattoos if it bothers us that much.

As for the cancer subject, yeah it's a tough one. But if I was single, I would not be looking for a permanent relationship. I could not do that to a guy knowing that I had Stage 4 cancer, but it would not change me wanting a life, companionship and some love. There are guys out there that want you...nothing is forever.

Hugs, well wishes and all to my fellow sisters on this board!

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7913
Joined: Aug 2005

Hey, I was the same...then someone said "you know, lots of women end up with the same from a C-section..."....nothing to be ashamed of....

Hugs, Kathi

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5013
Joined: Feb 2008

I don't mind the scars as much as all the abdominal surgeries ruining my abdominal muscles. If I could just lose the poochiness!

*hugs*
Gail

Lori-S's picture
Lori-S
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sep 2010

I can relate to that. I wasn't a gym rat but, I did take care to keep my tummy in shape. Well, things sure have shifted around. And I was so surprised to get a hernia as I had very strong stomach muscles. Dang this cancer and the surgeries sure do take their toll.

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3915
Joined: Nov 2010

girls your stories are inspiring and much more interesting reading than tv.

I believe most of us need love and tenderness and of course sex.

I support kerry advice and add that a smile and an attitude is what i love and I think most men do. the other parts are a bonus.

it breaks my heart that some of us have to fight the beast without intimate love and support. Try and pickup someone at the chemo ward, in hospital or whereever.

being loved and supported are fundamental to our cure.

I hope we all have an abundance of love and good company everyday and especially this xmas.

with the hight premium I place on every moment let alone every day, i say a day lived without passion and love is a tradgic waste.

pete

khl8
Posts: 810
Joined: Nov 2009

Pete,
This made me cry, a smile and an attitude? awesome to get a man's perspective. We as women are taught through the media about what a perfect body is "supposed to be" and even without cancer, most of us all fall short, and to add the scars can take alot out of a woman and the way that she feels about herself.
I do beleive you are right, I know when I am smiling and feel good I feel sexier, even though i know the roadmap of scars that lay beneath my clothing.
Thank you Pete, we needed to hear it!!
Hugs,
Kathy

TMac52's picture
TMac52
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2010

Ladies some of us guys are faced with these issues as well. I always kept my self in good shape now I have not only scars but a colostomy pouch to feel sexy about. I have been engaged to a beautiful woman for 3 years didnt marry yet because of kids issues. She has 3 and I have 3. So we were not in a big hurry. But when cancer strikes it puts alot of fear and insecurity into it's host. I go through alot of insecurites on a daily basis this is actually the first time I have said it out loud since my surgery but why would this beutiful girl want to be with me now? Why would she want to make love to a guy with a poop pouch hanging off him???? You see where i'm going with this ladies??? Some of us guys are in the same or similar positions and some of us are a little vain too.

Martyr
Posts: 8
Joined: Jul 2010

Sounds like we have a lot in common. I don't have surgery scars but being engaged and blending families. Our teens, two each, were 15, 16, 17, 18 and NOT too happy about the two parent scenario. 4 years have passed and we have been through an emotional wringer.

It's been tough, we lost our daughter Jessica, 16 to Cystic Fibrosis 2 years ago. I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer in February. Did somebody say something about life being fair? Yeah, I thought not.

Scars and physical changes can be huge. I was in FANTASTIC shape, 6 pack abs, 6'2", 185lbs, nice set of arms, a beautiful woman by my side. Now? 160lbs if I'm lucky, acne/rash from Erbitux that scares children, every muscle has been replaced by a skin bag, my stomach gets bloated from fluid buildup...BUT, I still have a beautiful woman by my side.

I guess my cup has always been half full.

I hope the scars bring long life and potential for future joys and happiness.

TMac52's picture
TMac52
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2010

Yep sure does change you! I have to let it go most of the time (feelings I meaan) and I'd rather laugh than cry, although I have shed some tears through all of this. Not something I am used to doing thats for sure. It's important to have someone you love by your side but hate the insecurities associated with CANCER.

plh4gail's picture
plh4gail
Posts: 1232
Joined: Oct 2010

My tummy. It's lumpy and scarred. For the friends on here that have someone in your life, I am so happy for you! I really am. I so wish I had someone with me, to be able to look at me and sometimes not have to talk, but to see me and know how I am feeling..... Thank you to whoever said they don't share all the stories that come with the scars, at least not right away, as they tend to scare people off. I should remember that. It's just that I am such an open person, learning to not say what's on my mind can be a challenge. And that is what brought me to do the unthinkable last week. I am still a little in disbelief that I broke up with my boyfriend the week before Christmas. He was emotionally draining me and I felt my concentration was trying to make relationship things right for him, not focusing on getting well. Now I am alone. Did I do the right thing? Should that have even been a choice to make?

Body image?....my lumpy tummy and weight loss has left me looking a little different. I look in the mirror and see it. But hey, my friends say "you look so good. you still have your hair".

If only they could see inside.

Tears', Gail

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 542
Joined: Sep 2009

Awww Gail, I am sorry about the breakup, that could not have been easy to do before Xmas. I am sure you would not have done it, if you knew in your heart that is was not the right thing to do. Cancer has helped me to clean house a bit, get rid of the ones that were not there for me, and were toxic to my life. I have no time for them.

Dating post cancer is weird. I had a date recently where the cancer topic was brought up. I do not mention it on a first date normally, but it got mentioned and I feel like he got scared off by it. I mostly feel sorry for him that he is not a big enough person to see past that, but he has not had to deal with cancer on a personal level and he is lucky.

Anyway keep remembering why you broke up with him and trust your heart. {{hugs}}

Chris

TMac52's picture
TMac52
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2010

Thanks Gail and Christine for your personal experiences. I have a weird feeling since being diagnosed my Fiance' is georgeous,10 years younger and in perfect shape. Although she has pleged her love for me and has stuck by me so far I feel like she deserves so much better and i'm not just feeling sorry for myself. I feel like i put a huge damper on her life and want to set her free so she doesnt have to deal with this bull. I tend to isolate when things get tough for me and although it would break my heart it would be nice to know she would be happy. I am soooo confused by this cancer it litterally turns your life upside down and inside out.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3015
Joined: May 2009

I don't think we should make the choice for others, 28 years ago, I told my husband if you ever feel that it's too much for you, feel that you are done...please spare me and my dignity, just leave! No cheating, no lies, no hurt...just go. I feel someone that knows that they are free to leave will leave right away before the storm hits, or stay and weather it out. (my feelings)

I have always been independent and my self respect is way up there, and I am confident enough to know that I will make it, with or without you. I don't want anyone in my life that does not want to be in it. But it's their choice. I won't run them off, they have a mind of their own. With that said...i say don't push them out, unless you are ready to live with your actions. Gail, this is not aimed at you! There is a reason you did what you did, you have to feel good in a relationship. I divorced my first husband, because he was a great man, because he loved me with all his heart, but I didn't love him. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him. I let him convince me to marry him. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I didn't want to live a lie and he deserved so much more! Many called me a fool, a wonderful rich man,...to just let him go! I have no regrets, nor does he. He flies for Delta now, and he is quite happy. So am I. When he learned of my cancer, he was at my door to give a hug, all the way from Florida!

Rambling, but be bold, you are a beautiful person, scars don't change that!

Ps. And it easier when you have someone in your life already. I know it must be hard to date. But if you are friends with someone and they respect you and want you, it can happen. Maybe not as fast as it would have been otherwise, but friendship is good. We need friendship.

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1308
Joined: Nov 2001

I feel I should say something profound but I can't think of anything. I find that nothing is free with cancer. When my surgeon operated on me thirteen years ago he not only saved my life he broke all the playground equipment while he was doing it. One of the reasons my wife left me. Her new man got prostate cancer,sad.They fixed his cancer but I think they also fixed him,very sad. I was opened from groin to sternum to remove my cancer and when they went for the gall bladder they wentin from five places. If all the glue comes unstuck i will probably fall in half. Actually it may well be happening already,how many of you have hernias on your scar line. I have two,one below my sternum and one just above my navel. I cant imagine ever GOING out again it would be like show and tell at school:) Ron.

coloCan
Posts: 1870
Joined: Oct 2009

its the physic ones as well, the ones that you don't see but sure as hell feel,which, if you don't watch out, can really do you in......steve

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3015
Joined: May 2009

Oh Ron, there is someone for you out there.......we need to all plan a fishing trip. Where do you live?

Sorry about all the scars but I have had 6 major surgeries, I would probably fall apart too.

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1308
Joined: Nov 2001

Way across the sea ,east coast australia. As far as finding someone, I've crashed and burned twice, the first got my kids the last got the house with an average like that I'd probably finnish up dating the grim reaper. No i think hermit will do just fine.....Ron.

dmj101's picture
dmj101
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2011

I wear my scars as metals of the war..

We are warriors and we are winning the battle if we can see the scar.

So move ahead proud of the scar that you made it thru....

Proud to still be here.....

 

Donna Cool

 

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