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Minimizing or trying to reassure?

tecara's picture
tecara
Posts: 19
Joined: Nov 2010

Hello everyone. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but little by little I’m telling family and friends about my diagnosis. I’ve been getting a lot of “oh that’s no big deal, you’ll beat it no problem” Or “I know so and so who had HPV and beat it” I try to explain its not HPV but cancer… there is a difference and when I say I’m actually HPV negative they act like they don’t believe me. Not all cervical cancer is HPV related…sigh. I’m trying to believe they are reacting this way to reassure me that all will be ok, but it comes off more often as if they are minimizing what I’m going through or just don’t care.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1638
Joined: Aug 2009

I am sure that they are saying these things to be reassuring. They may also be experiencing some denial. When my husband was first dx, people would give him pep talks, telling him everything would be ok. Some think that you can cure cancer with a positive attitude and they want to help you stay positive. I think a positive attitude is important, but it helps to be realistic, too. You know you have a fight before you. You know you have cancer and that's scary. Tell your friends and family that they need to understand that, and that you need their support. You have come to the right place on this board. There are many here who understand what it is like to hear that you have cancer. Hang in there. Fay

tecara's picture
tecara
Posts: 19
Joined: Nov 2010

The people here are great. Already making friends. Thank you for your words. Keeping positive is important as you say but yes we are dealing with a reality. Wish the people in my daily life were as kind and understanding as the people here are. Got my surgery date for the CKC, its on the 14th told my manager and she told me it was really inconvenient for her. I was speechless.

webbwife50
Posts: 395
Joined: Jun 2010

Hi Tecara, You look so young, maybe that is why some are having difficulty accepting your dx. What ever the case, you are in good company here, and there is lots of good information as well as support. Your manager is a *****! Hugs and God bless..

tecara's picture
tecara
Posts: 19
Joined: Nov 2010

Thank you for the encouraging words and the compliment. That picture was taken last summer... I'm 43. I am really thankful for finding this place.. so many nice people and great information.

hugs and God bless you as well

ms.sunshine
Posts: 710
Joined: Mar 2010

I think family says things like that to reassure not only you, but themselves. They don't want to deal with the emotions. They feel like they are building you up to keep you strong. Alot of times people are ignorant. They think if you have any cancer in the reproductive organs, drs. can do surgery, remove all, and you will be all better.

My mom was dx with cervical cancer. She had surgery almost two weeks ago. She just got word she has to go thru radiation, and mild chemo.

Find those that can give you support, and you may have to put some distance between you and the ones that aren't that supportive.

joannstar
Posts: 361
Joined: Nov 2010

to what you are saying...when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and I told my supervisor, she said, "at least it is curable--it could be worse." While that may be true, that isn't what I needed to hear right then. I went through a lot of emotions and spend a bit of time in tears at work. She then said that I ought to just "suck it up"...although I'm not sure she realized what she had said or how I would take it. But it taught me to try to keep my emotions in check at work...sigh...
Some people are not supportive...good to have a "score-card".
Good Luck,
JoAnn

tecara's picture
tecara
Posts: 19
Joined: Nov 2010

It's amazing what people will say. I'm sorry you had that kind of trouble. I think what bothers me more is I work at a woman's health clinic, of all places you'd think they would have more compassion for this type of situation. I can deal pretty good with work and those I work with, I find it hard when its my family that seems to be playing down what I'm going through. Yes I'm doing well but that doesn't stop the fact I'm scared and with their reaction feeling very alone. Thank God for my husband and daughter.
Good luck to you too

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