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I'm not sad I'm f-ing angry!!!

Myjk
Posts: 9
Joined: Nov 2010

I miss her

Myjk
Posts: 9
Joined: Nov 2010

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone here this evening with my posts. I just don't know where else where to turn.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Hi,

Yup, got my attention. lol. Hey listen on a realistic level we have probably all said that and felt that in this cancer journey, no doubt about that however for the purposed of this site being run by The American Cancer Society they will come down on swearing often and you can understand that. I see you apologized so they know you are in deep despair and might well leave it this time so not to worry too much but maybe keep swearing out of it, it's just easier to use different words and make sure that you aren't edited.

You can edit your comments so just take that one word out maybe for the sake of those on the board who don't use profanities and for the sake of the rules of the site. Again, don't worry though we all get that kind of angry, so totally understandable from the realistic level.

As far as where to turn when you feel these kinds of emotions, you have come to the right place. On this board we totally understand grief and anger and missing those who are ill or have gone Home. Feel free to talk out your grief and a number of people will chime in to help you, many who have gone through exactly what you are going through because I can tell you 100% YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Continue to post, your mistake you apologized for so just move on and welcome to our boards and site. We do understand. Take care of you and I am so sorry for your loss. In time you will go through all the stages of loss and in time you will no doubt find yourself supporting others who are just beginning the grieving process and maybe you can help them through as you will be helped yourself here. It seems to happen that way.

Have you looked into grief counselling for yourself at all? Besides those on this board that can also make a big difference in ones ability to get through the grieving process in a healthy way but bottomline is that it's hard, very hard as you well know, and it takes time. We are here to help you along the way. Don't hesitate to post.

Blessings,
Bluerose

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi,
Don't worry, we all understand how you're feeling. I've felt that way many times since I lost my husband in March. Life isn't fair sometimes, and this disease is so hard to deal with that I'm sure we've all used the "F" word during this time. Just remember you can always come to this site to get rid of your frustrations. Please try & relax a little and take deep breaths when you are stressed out. Or have a glass of wine!!! Take Care! "Carole"

Noellesmom
Posts: 1312
Joined: Aug 2010

It would be a shame to lose this thread but ACS has a reason for the "no profanity" rule.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Myjk.

It means nothing to you now but time will help things get better. It's just a different length of time for everyone.

And right now you may not think you want to get better, and, then, when you do, you may be appalled that you feel like living again.

Don't be. You are alive and breathing and the world cannot and does not stop when we lose a person. Pretty sure she wouldn't want your world to stop.

The first time you feel hungry after the loss you wonder how you can feel that.

The first time you fall asleep and really sleep through the night, you jump out of bed and think you have let her down. You haven't.

The first time you laugh out loud you may feel you have betrayed her. You didn't.

Surround yourself with people who love you both and care about what you both went through to get to this day.

Lean on God. No doubt someone prayed that she would be healed. She is now.

Hugs. Lots of gentle hugs, Myjk.

Edward W
Posts: 30
Joined: Oct 2010

mJK..... Not offended. Just want to offer condolences. You might try talking to a pastor or other man of the cloth. If that is not for you. Find a survivors group I know a guy who lost his wife, joined a group and found someone
I understand you are angry. This is one of the normal and natural steps you go through. There is a book out . I think it's called "The Seven Steps of Coping With Death" I don't know the author either Check out Barnes and Noble on the web site
BTW if you want to vent on me go for it. I got wide shoulders
The book I learned about the anger part was from was Elisbeth Kubler-Ross's "5 Stages of Grief"

webozo's picture
webozo
Posts: 82
Joined: Feb 2010

you have turned to the right place and if you offended anyone let it be. sometimes there are no other way to say things, cancer is prophane and i have often use words i did not think i would ever hear coming from my mouth. i would not like it if you lose your link to us but i understand. any one fighting the war understands. i hope you find peace in your life and joy in your heart. and if it helps get mad. get real mad.

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

We are ALL angry about what this disease has done to us and our loved ones, and if using language that accurately expresses the degree of your anger helps you, then, in my very humble opinion, use it, believe me, I have, out loud in many places!

Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!

Rick

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

We are ALL angry about what this disease has done to us and our loved ones, and if using language that accurately expresses the degree of your anger helps you, then, in my very humble opinion, use it, believe me, I have, out loud in many places!

Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!

Rick

Cindy Bear
Posts: 564
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. And nope, you didn't offend me, can't speak for others... God knows I've used that word a helluva lot the last 2 yrs... I lost my mother 1.5 yrs ago to uterine cancer (this will be the second Thanksgiving and xmas without her, hard to believe). This year I lost my FIL suddenly to a heart attack, the day after Father's Day and my BIL in August to stage IV esoph cancer. When it comes to cancer, the F bomb says it all.. It sucks with a capital F...
It's okay to be angry, okay to be sad, it's normal to think "Why her? why cancer, why why why... It's a slow healing process. A good friend told me it takes 2 yrs.. just to come to terms with grief when you suffer the loss of someone close to you. That doesn't mean you're over it in 2 yrs.. but it does get better..
Just hang in there, keep breathing and going thru the motions and if it helps to swear, than make like a sailor... I have found these boards to be such a comfort to me, the kind, wonderful, caring people are here have made such a difference in my mindset. I still have good days and bad days, and very dark moments but life does go on. Hugs, Cindy

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

The word did not offend me either , It is in my thoughts too. I see your hurt we all are that come on here or we would not be here. I lost my daddy in 1994 to head and neck cancer , I lost my mom in 2007 to Colon cancer , now my husband is stage four larynx cancer. Angryy does not began to say the feeling I have.
But with the angry comes the belief that one day there will be a cure for cancer or a pill you just take. We have to believe this .
I know it does not take anyway your pain or ease it . No words I have ever heard can really do that as much as to know you are not alone. We have felt this pain. We no loner walk with such freedom as we did before.
Your words did not offend me, they made me cry Cause I know the the feeling you are feeling. It is hard to say but it will get easier in time. There will come a day when you can smile and say Oh remember mom did that or dad use to say that. My dad always wore a baseball cap (maybe cause he was bald on top) . A few weeks ago my son was sitting watching T.V. (football one of my dad's favorite things) As my son set there he reached his hand up and tilted his hat as my dad would do. And a smile came across my face. I said "Daddy use to do that " My son smiled and winked! As if to say I am still here right by you . A sign my dad sent to me. Now I lookforward to see what sign my mom has left for me.
Angry make you cry. Memories make you smile. One day at a time.

Jasmine092910
Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 2010

Mad as Hell and I don't know what to do about it. I miss her so bad I feel like breaking every dish in this house. I just want this pain to go away. I just want her back!!!!!

Noellesmom
Posts: 1312
Joined: Aug 2010

I say break every dish in the house, Jasmine. Might make you feel some better.

Break dishes, scream in the shower, find a punching bag at a gym - whatever it takes to let some of it out.

Going to go home and break a dish for you myself.

I know I'll certainly feel better :)

Myjk
Posts: 9
Joined: Nov 2010

I'm broken and I don't know how to fix myself

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi,
I can tell that you feel so helpless & alone. I felt the same way after my husband died in March. Felt like I was losing it and didn't even want to leave the house. But I went to see a counselor & she put me on meds which have helped alot. I used to see her every week, but now see her just once a month. Please think about doing this, okay? It really helps to talk to someone who is professional and knows how to help us make it through this rough time.
Take care! Let me know how you're doing. "Carole"

gerrys girl
Posts: 11
Joined: Oct 2010

You took the words right out of my mouth
Been having crying spells for 2 days

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

watched both parents die after long-term illnesses and found his only sibling at the end of an electric cord. Talk about being broken, I've been shattered in ten thousand pieces with no one left to help put me back together again. So, after drinking myself to sleep and waking up feeling worse, I sought professional counseling, support groups, and healed.

For your sanity's sake, go directly to counseling, and begin pasting those broken pieces back together!

Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!

Rick

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Before I go to throw the dish I look at the back for a sign it isn't one of my good dishes. lol. Even in anger there is that split second of reason, hopefully. lol.

Take care. Blessings, Bluerose

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

When I get upset I always reach for the dishes that someone gave me that I don't like! Or things I got stuff with.
Not sure it helps all that much since I have to clean them up after I amover it.

But for one little second it does feel goo!
Jennie

Cindy Bear
Posts: 564
Joined: Jul 2009

Broken... that sums it up nicely.. that's how I feel broken. I'm not equating losing a parent to losing a lover, spouse or SO.. I know it's not the same. I cannot imagine how deep your grief must be... I still can't believe my mother is gone. I feel so hollow inside.. This will be the second Thanksgiving without her.. and the second xmas, and New Years.. She never left anything to chance, she was a planner. . unlike me, the biggest procrastinator. She'd have bought pretty much all the fixins for Thanksgiving by the second week or so of Nov. Her xmas shopping was usually all done and wrapped by Thanksgiving and she always addressed her cards over Thanksgiving weekend. Her tree up the second week of Dec. and her cookies all baked by the 3rd week. The pretty xmas sweaters she always wore. Every year she would buy us a box of Hershey's Pot of Gold chocolates.. Last year I bought my own and I cried at the store... We'll get thru it, and so will you. You have to go on and she wouldn't want you to be sad and angry...

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