The Holidays
I know it has been a while since I have posted anything...and many new people on here that I don't know...but do understand your journey. It has been 5 months since my Prince, Lyle, went to be with the Lord. I thought I was doing ok in the beginning...but I find now that I am having meltdowns on a more consistant basis. As time goes on...I feel like my loss is becoming greater and greater due to the fact that I have not seen, touched, laughed, or loved on my favorite guy for so long! Many holidays are approaching and for many of us this will be our first holiday season without our loved one. When you think of us...please say a prayer because it is going to be so very difficult! It will be an interesting time. Our 5 children all have different ways of carrying on family traditions and what they will do in memory of their dad. We may set a place for him at the Thanksgiving table...celebrate his birthday with friends...hang his favorite Christmas lights for all to enjoy. But the fact remains...he won't be with us physically and we have to do this without him. None of us are sure what this will look like...as I'm sure all of you who have also lost your loved one this year are wondering too. May we find the peace we need during this difficult time...and remember how blessed we are to have loved someone the way we have and do love the one we lost. I'm praying for all of you...I would appreciate the same!
Blessing,
Susie
Comments
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Will Be Praying for You and Everyone
else on this board! Praying for peace, comfort and courage to step into pain in order to come out of it, if only for a brief moment. My heart breaks for everyone who has lost a loved one and who will be losing a loved one down the road to EC.
Blessings,
Sally0 -
Prayers
My prayers are with you Susie. I did not know Lyle as I am fairly new to this list. My husband is battling EC and hospitalized now. It broke my heart when I read your post. You and your family are definitely in my prayers. I pray that you have peace and some joy during the holidays. I cannot imagine life without my husband and am not sure he will be with me. I really related to your post. God bless you all, Linda0 -
Oh Susie, I feel your pain
Oh Susie, I feel your pain in my heart also. Jim's birthday (he would have been 73) is Monday. Our daughter is coming to be with me on that day and I know we will comfort each other, but it will NOT be the same as when we could hug him and laugh together.
I'm praying each day for strength and to feel peace. So far, the strength has been given to do what I need to do, but I do not have the peace I long for. So, I'm struggling. It's only been 3 weeks, and it is still so fresh. Each morning, I wake up, expecting to see him, but he is not here and I don't know how long it will take before that reality actually takes hold.
I do believe God has a plan for me. He has proved over and over to me that our needs are met before we ask, so I am
trusting that His plan for me is working right now, even though I can't see it.
The holidays will be difficult with the empty place at our table, but through the love of God, and His Grace, we can overcome the sorrow and remember the joy.
Love to you and all who are suffering a loss,
SallyB0 -
Helping eachother38sallyb said:Oh Susie, I feel your pain
Oh Susie, I feel your pain in my heart also. Jim's birthday (he would have been 73) is Monday. Our daughter is coming to be with me on that day and I know we will comfort each other, but it will NOT be the same as when we could hug him and laugh together.
I'm praying each day for strength and to feel peace. So far, the strength has been given to do what I need to do, but I do not have the peace I long for. So, I'm struggling. It's only been 3 weeks, and it is still so fresh. Each morning, I wake up, expecting to see him, but he is not here and I don't know how long it will take before that reality actually takes hold.
I do believe God has a plan for me. He has proved over and over to me that our needs are met before we ask, so I am
trusting that His plan for me is working right now, even though I can't see it.
The holidays will be difficult with the empty place at our table, but through the love of God, and His Grace, we can overcome the sorrow and remember the joy.
Love to you and all who are suffering a loss,
SallyB
My name is Shirley and My husband John was given the sad news October 2009. He has had many treatments and radiation. He is stage four so no surgery. I wanted to thank all of you here on this board for keeping it real. I was especially touched by Susie, Sally, and Linda today when I read your entries.
I have several friends my age which is soon to be 60 who have lost their husbands suddenly but non that have died of cancer. My parents have both died and one had cancer and one was blessed to be taking a nap and died in his sleep. I thank God for giving us the chance to leave nothing unsaid while we move onto this journey to Heaven.
John and i have been blessed with a marriage that has been the best thing that ever happened to us. We will celebrate our 40th anniversary next month. Saying goodbye to John will be the most difficult thing I have ever faced. I can't even imagine the birthdays and holidays without him. Whan he was in the Navy for 24 years we wrote each other every day and those were the days before cell phone and the internet.
Thank you for voicing the difficulty of facing life without the one that has gone on before you. It make it real amd knowing there are others going thru this and making it helps me. I read these writing much more than I write on this board. Thank you all for sharing such a personal part of your lives. GOD BLESS all of you, Shirley0 -
Dear SallyB38sallyb said:Oh Susie, I feel your pain
Oh Susie, I feel your pain in my heart also. Jim's birthday (he would have been 73) is Monday. Our daughter is coming to be with me on that day and I know we will comfort each other, but it will NOT be the same as when we could hug him and laugh together.
I'm praying each day for strength and to feel peace. So far, the strength has been given to do what I need to do, but I do not have the peace I long for. So, I'm struggling. It's only been 3 weeks, and it is still so fresh. Each morning, I wake up, expecting to see him, but he is not here and I don't know how long it will take before that reality actually takes hold.
I do believe God has a plan for me. He has proved over and over to me that our needs are met before we ask, so I am
trusting that His plan for me is working right now, even though I can't see it.
The holidays will be difficult with the empty place at our table, but through the love of God, and His Grace, we can overcome the sorrow and remember the joy.
Love to you and all who are suffering a loss,
SallyB
I so understand what you're feeling and I'm sorry you have to journey this. I have gone through so many emotions and feelings it isn't funny. Being one with someone and then losing them is more uprooting than I ever imagined it would be. In the beginning the numbness got me through...but I'm at a stage where I feel like I am thawing out and it is all so real to me. The week of Thanksgiving is also our anniversary...I wish I could just sleep until it is all over and past...but that isn't God's plan for any of us. I am grateful for my faith...even now when I feel like God just must not hear me talking...I KNOW He does...even though things didn't go the way I wanted them to...God never left His throne and will reveal His plan for me, just as He will for you, in His time. I went to a seminar last weekend for How to Survive the Holidays through GriefShare. In January I will go to the 13 week GriefShare program. I'm learning that we need tools to journey through our loss and to give ourselve the freedom to grieve and cry whenever it hits us. The other day I was in a meeting with the leaders and doctors of our dental practice. Someone said something about the week of Thanksgiving and I burst into full out boohoos right there in the restaurant right in front of everybody!! I felt silly...but then again...it lets others know how we are really doing. Many of us put on our smiles so that we can just get through the day and others might think we are doing great. At that moment...they may stop praying for us...when in reality...we need their prayers more than anything.
Hang in there, Sally! Praying for you!!
Susie0 -
CHRISTMAS ALONE
Susie.
I have followed you since the day you signed on, GOD never promised us how long we would be on earth, or who he would take first, I lost my father in 05 to colon cancer, he was 77, my parents had been married 57 years, and I was a daddy's girl, I saw my dad suffer so much, in his last stages of life, he really wasn't coherent, his stomach swelled to where it could burst, and he was only staying alive cause he knew in his brain that we did not want him to leave us, he wasn't even able to use the bathroom on his own, with me having power of attorney over him, i had to make some powerful decisions, i had to be the one that either pulled him off everything or leave him to stay the way he was living, my dad always made me promise i wouldn't just let him live on, so i chose to pull everything and when I did, I whispered in his ear, and said "DADDY ITS OKAY NOW YOU CAN GO" I WILL BE FINE AND MOTHER TOO, after I did that within 24 hours he went peacefully. I was never sorry I did that.
The first fathers day was the hardest for me, while everyone else was with their dad i was home talking to mine, first thanksgiving and christmas without him was just as hard i knew there would be no presents from him under the tree or for me to give, and how he loved to recieve. When he answered the phone he always said 'THIS IS THE KING" and i am sure he is still the KING in heaven, I won't know until i see him oneday.
There were times the first year I just sat and cried i just had a tough time. I lost my mother 2 years later and yes I loved my mom dearly but I didn't weep over her like I did my dad, maybe cause I wasn't as close to her. GOD took her peacefully i guess my dad was lonely and called her home.
So with that being said, you will never ever get over loosing LYLE, but having his favorite food, his favorite lights, his favorite memento at this time of year will help you heal, of course maybe visiting his side will help too. Remember you lost a husband they lost a son, uncle, brother cousin etc. Unfortunately my father had no family left so the only thing i could do is weep at the grave.
I have this Christmas item i put on my tree every year that says 'THE KING" I LOVE to put that up each year and remember him.
Susie, the journey does get easier but the first year is the hardest. I am so glad you are back and posted something it means alot to all of us.
If you need to vent during the holidays you know we are here.
Love and hugs
Lori0 -
Susie,
I often think of you
Susie,
I often think of you and your Prince and lift you up in prayer. I can't beging to imagine the holidays or your anniversary without Lyle and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You and he were such an inspiration to all of us on the Board as he bravely fought the monster and you took care of him. I remember the photos of the two of you at the beach, I am sure you have many more you can look at and remember the wonderful times you had with each other. I know the time was much too short and neither of you ever imagined what would happen this year. But you have encouraged many with your faith and courage.
I will keep thinking and praying for you. I know words are empty right now but the Love of the Lord will help sustain you and I am certain that Lyle is watching over you.
Hugs and love,
Cindy0 -
William,unknown said:This comment has been removed by the Moderator
Thank you for sharing as you always do. I love that poem and heard it for the first time last weekend. It made me cry...as I thought of Lyle spending his favorite time of year with his friends and loved ones who were already in heaven. A reunion with his dad!! As Lyle said once in an intro to a song about heaven...he didn't know what it would be like exactly...but he was hoping he could drive around to all the different planets and galaxies in a really cool hot rod car looking at all of God's wonderful creations! I am comforted by the thought of Lyle being whole and healthy and sharing his crazy sense of humor with those around him. But those are the things I am missing here.
Love to you and Loretta,
Susie0 -
This comment has been removed by the ModeratorLylesmyprince said:William,
Thank you for sharing as you always do. I love that poem and heard it for the first time last weekend. It made me cry...as I thought of Lyle spending his favorite time of year with his friends and loved ones who were already in heaven. A reunion with his dad!! As Lyle said once in an intro to a song about heaven...he didn't know what it would be like exactly...but he was hoping he could drive around to all the different planets and galaxies in a really cool hot rod car looking at all of God's wonderful creations! I am comforted by the thought of Lyle being whole and healthy and sharing his crazy sense of humor with those around him. But those are the things I am missing here.
Love to you and Loretta,
Susie0 -
Awesome, William!!unknown said:This comment has been removed by the Moderator
Susie
Awesome, William!!
Susie0 -
In a similar boat...unclaw2002 said:Susie,
I often think of you
Susie,
I often think of you and your Prince and lift you up in prayer. I can't beging to imagine the holidays or your anniversary without Lyle and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You and he were such an inspiration to all of us on the Board as he bravely fought the monster and you took care of him. I remember the photos of the two of you at the beach, I am sure you have many more you can look at and remember the wonderful times you had with each other. I know the time was much too short and neither of you ever imagined what would happen this year. But you have encouraged many with your faith and courage.
I will keep thinking and praying for you. I know words are empty right now but the Love of the Lord will help sustain you and I am certain that Lyle is watching over you.
Hugs and love,
Cindy
Hi Susie, I cannot believe it has been 5 months. I feel your new pain, it is going to be a tough couple of months.
My dear mother, my best friend lost her battle w/SCLC on September 23rd, then on Oct 24th, my mother in law lost her battle with EC.
Holidays were always at my mom's, it is time for new traditions and it terrifies me. Plus mom's bday is Nov 27th.
I pray for strength and healing for us all.
William, that poem is beautiful, thank you for sharing.
Elysia0 -
Susie- I know how you are feeling
Hi Susie and everyone else out there. Susie, you know that I lost Eddie on September 15th and nine days later, I lost my Mother on September 24th. I know exactly how you are feeling.
I am getting worse by the day instead of better. I thought, like yourself, that I was doing ok, but now fear that I am not doing better. I am starting to have my old anxiety attacks again, more and more often. I believe that the holidays are part of my problem, not having Eddie and my Mother is overbearing at times to me. I cannot believe that they both are gone, not to be here with us anymore, not to ever see their faces anymore. As you can see, I cannot think on one without the other, this due to the fact they let me so close together.
I go to Ed's grave, then off to my Mother's. It is very strange and weird and also Susie, very depressing. My mother loved Christmas, it was her favorite holiday, this year Diana and I will be left behind to find that perfect tree, something that we all did as a family.
Ed would love to come with us and find that tree and drag it home and get excited to put it up right away. I don't know if I will go out and buy a tree this year, don't know if I can.
I have lost the two dearest people in my life Susie, it is really tough times ahead.
I in therapy and also going to hospice group therapy, so I am trying and trying. The nights are horrible, I don't sleep well, therefore I am also tired, I'm sure you know that feeling.
I have seemed to come out of the daze and this is what I am left with, don't you feel the same? It was easier in that daze Susie. We all, who have lost someone, feel all the same I'm sure. In one way I knew last year as we put up our tree that Ed would not be with us this year but I always kept praying for that miracle, a miracle that was not answered. He died way too soon, at 56 years old, it was way too soon for us. I miss my husband dearly, I miss my mother terribly and do not look forward to these holidays. The one thing that has kept me going is my daughter Diana. I thank God everday that she is with me. She gives me the strength to continue on this battle and I believe, I give you the same strength. I love the poem that William put up, I am going to print it out and hand it to all my family members. That was very kind of you William.
I believe in my heart, I did everything for the two people I loved and lost and I believe you did everything as well Susie. Please know that I read these postings quite a bit still but do not always post. The stories make me very very sad.
Please keep posting and stay in touch.
Love
Linda0 -
Holidays
Susie,
I as well have not posted on here in months, but do log on to see how people are. One year ago today, is the day that the Dr.'s told us that the cancer was back. I lost Steve on December 23, 2009. As the Holiday's near, I find myself not wanting them to come. I know that I have to go on because Steve would want me too. I don't care about Christmas anymore, and don't feel that I ever will. But for our children and grandchildren, I know I have to. I didn't decorate for Christmas last year, as Steve was so ill. I swore I wouldn't this year either or any year after this, because to me my Christmas's from now on will never be the same. I wish I had the answers so that I could help you, others and myself, get throught the next month or so. I guess we just have to know that our loved ones are with us, and will be celebrating too. I have decided to keep Steves spirit alive through the Holiday season by lighting a candle every night in his honor. I wish you and everyone else here, peace throughout this difficult time.
{{{BIG HUGS}}}
Chris0 -
I feel the same
Susie,
Actually I usually go on the lung cancer site cause that's what my husband had, but usually check out other sites too. I'm so sorry you lost your husband, but can relate to all your feelings. My hubby died in March and I too am dreading the holidays. I wish I could just sleep through all of them. Don't even think I'll put up a tree except for the small one that we put up in the rec room. My counselor told me to set a place setting for him too but seeing the empty spot would only make things worse. Hopefully this 1st year without our husbands will be the worst cause it's never going to change. We just have to adjust to our new lives whether we want to or not. I'll pray for you too!!! "Carole"0 -
Elysiahope0310 said:In a similar boat...
Hi Susie, I cannot believe it has been 5 months. I feel your new pain, it is going to be a tough couple of months.
My dear mother, my best friend lost her battle w/SCLC on September 23rd, then on Oct 24th, my mother in law lost her battle with EC.
Holidays were always at my mom's, it is time for new traditions and it terrifies me. Plus mom's bday is Nov 27th.
I pray for strength and healing for us all.
William, that poem is beautiful, thank you for sharing.
Elysia
I'm sorry for the journey you are on this holiday season. I pray that we will have strength and joy that only comes from the Lord. I'll be praying for you as you make some new memories and cherish the past, as well.
Susie0 -
Elysiahope0310 said:In a similar boat...
Hi Susie, I cannot believe it has been 5 months. I feel your new pain, it is going to be a tough couple of months.
My dear mother, my best friend lost her battle w/SCLC on September 23rd, then on Oct 24th, my mother in law lost her battle with EC.
Holidays were always at my mom's, it is time for new traditions and it terrifies me. Plus mom's bday is Nov 27th.
I pray for strength and healing for us all.
William, that poem is beautiful, thank you for sharing.
Elysia
I'm sorry for the journey you are on this holiday season. I pray that we will have strength and joy that only comes from the Lord. I'll be praying for you as you make some new memories and cherish the past, as well.
Susie0 -
To all, My thoughts and
To all, My thoughts and prayers are with you all, during the holiday season. This is a very difficult time of year to go through ,when we've lost loved ones. Our memories and hurt are so much sharper at this time. Even though, I've lost a lot of my family, I have not lost my spouse. I can't even imagine the pain of losing him. I am praying for God to hold each of you close and give you comfort to face this season,
Sandra0
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