When it rains it certainly does pour.

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ms.sunshine
ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I'm in shock at this moment.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer Oct. 2009. I've gone thru 10 months of treatments. I'm now having follow up tests, all have been good and expect the PET I have on Mon. to be clear 100%. I'm doing well.

My dad was dx with lung cancer at the begining of the year. Doing ok some days better than others, but hanging in there.

My stepmom was dx the week of Halloween with uterine cancer. She had surgery today. She is expected to make a full recovery with no futher treatments necessary.

I receive the news today my mom is dx with cervical cancer. She goes in Tues. to see onc., and to have futher testing. She has to have surgery also.

What the heck is going on. My head is spinning right now. My sister and I are going to moms, and dads Thanksgiving week. My dad and mom are divorced, but live in neighboring towns. I will stay with mom, my sister with dad and stepmom.

I'm so upset by all this crappy cancer news. My parents live 10-12 hours away if they lived closer I would feel better. I keep thinking they need me, and I can't be there. Mom says shes ok, but we all know how it feels to hear those 3 words. "You have cancer."

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  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #2
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    Wow, you certainly have your
    Wow, you certainly have your plate full. Stunning indeed! It looks like you will be the strong one to help these people through their treatment. They will likely look to you for advice. I know it's hard when you live so far away and want to be with the ones you love while they're going through this. Perhaps many visits?? My husband's parents used to come out to visit us quite a bit (they were 3000 miles away), and we travelled and did the touristy things and every single one of us got cancer. I often think, what the heck did we get into? or exposed to? Within a year of my mother-in-law passing away (breast cancer), both my husband and his father were diagnosed. When I was diagnosed my mother offered to come out to be with me (she's on the other side of the country). I appreciated the thought but didn't really want her to do that. What I needed was to be alone to figure things out. I have a friend that has been recently diagnosed as stage 4. He still hasn't told me and I don't think he wants to talk about it right now, he needs time to adjust first. Maybe your mom is the same way, just needs some time to adjust to this new reality.

    Try to find some calm, that will help calm them. Hope something in here has helped you.
    Wishing you and your family the best,
    hugs
    jan
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #3
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    suggestion
    Remember that everyone handles cancer in his/her own way. Your Mom may have a good support group already, and she may be thinking of the distance. That's what happened between my Sister and I. She offered to come stay with me after surgery, but I have friends, spouse, and teenage daughters to help me here, so I did not feel that she should take off work to come take care of me, though I was grateful for the offer and it was good to know she was there if I needed her. Maybe you could find ways to show long-distance support such as: Let her know about this site, send her a funny card, send her a good book to read, see if you could get a gift card to a restaurant in her area (sometimes you can do it on line). Maybe look for a cute hat or scarf, if she likes those things. If you are not sure, ask her if she would like you to do any of those things. I expect that it will help her just to know that you are willing, even if she does not ask you to do anything. If you are a person of prayer, let her know you are praying for her. I believe that has power too.

    She's lucky to have someone who cares so much about her. Keep it up, seof
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #4
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    phoenixrising said:

    Wow, you certainly have your
    Wow, you certainly have your plate full. Stunning indeed! It looks like you will be the strong one to help these people through their treatment. They will likely look to you for advice. I know it's hard when you live so far away and want to be with the ones you love while they're going through this. Perhaps many visits?? My husband's parents used to come out to visit us quite a bit (they were 3000 miles away), and we travelled and did the touristy things and every single one of us got cancer. I often think, what the heck did we get into? or exposed to? Within a year of my mother-in-law passing away (breast cancer), both my husband and his father were diagnosed. When I was diagnosed my mother offered to come out to be with me (she's on the other side of the country). I appreciated the thought but didn't really want her to do that. What I needed was to be alone to figure things out. I have a friend that has been recently diagnosed as stage 4. He still hasn't told me and I don't think he wants to talk about it right now, he needs time to adjust first. Maybe your mom is the same way, just needs some time to adjust to this new reality.

    Try to find some calm, that will help calm them. Hope something in here has helped you.
    Wishing you and your family the best,
    hugs
    jan

    Cancer is all around us.
    It seems that everywhere I turn, there is another story about someone else with cancer. My brother-in-law was recently diagnosed with lymphoma, my mother-in-law with breast cancer and on and on. One in two men and one in three women will be diagnosed in his/her lifetime. Big numbers. These numbers represent ourselves and people we love. I'm so sorry your family is going through this and that you can't be there physically. Hugs.

    Roseann
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    #5
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    I am sorry
    I too found that though I was going through the treatments for my own cancer the world didn't stop and I had to face the fact that others became sick too. Not easy when dealing with our own fears. I am sorry your worries have compounded but one has to learn that the train of life keeps rolling along and either we are on or off the train.
    Simplifying life isn't easy but necessary to get through all we must...
    I will be thinking of you
    Tara
  • Heatherbelle
    Heatherbelle Member Posts: 1,226 Member
    #6
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    I kind of know how you feel.
    I kind of know how you feel. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 months after I was. I'm sure you would feel better if you lived closer to your parents. We have an instinct to want to take care of them as they get older, like they took care of us as children. I am actually thankful that I was diagnosed first & had surgery & began treatment first, it really made mom's diagnosis a little less scary for her. Now I'm done with treatment & she's getting ready for chemo #3 next week, so I'm taking a much bigger role in taking care of her, and giving my dad a little break.
    *hugs*
    Heather
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #7
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    It's sad how common cancer
    It's sad how common cancer has become...My mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and I are all in various stages of fighting the beast. MIL just finished chemo, I'm 2/3 through chemo, SIL just started chemo...we've become our own mini support group! MIL and SIL are in NYC, and I'm in CA so a lot of the support is on line. We Skype each other regularly and laugh at our bald heads, talk about symptoms and treatments, and give each other advice.

    So maybe at Thanksgiving, you can set up Skype for the family and show everyone how to use it. We find it a great way to stay in touch, and share the joy of being a family.

    I hope this helps,

    Linda

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