Be off for awhile
I will have limited internet (my mother is 89 and it's a fantasy thing to her this amazing internet thing)as in her retirement community, no one has wifi. I'll be on my brother's when I can to work on the Calendar, so please send your pics.
And not to worry if you don't hear from me after Friday (I'll let you know what the surgeon's said and surgery date) it's just because I'm out of the internet world.
Take care all!
Winter Marie
Comments
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Tell her
Tell her I send my best and I'm sure I'm speaking for the rest of us on the board.
Keep us updated on everything
Brooks0 -
I guess this is what I'm really trying to convey, my LOVE
I feel so incredibly guilty. Mom was fine the beginning of this year, and then I told about my cancer, I'm supposed to be dead about now, and yet here I am, full of hope and life.
She told me after that, after I told her, that her heart broke, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing me.
I'm so afraid that I brought on the heart attack that she wasn't aware of. I can't imagine that I'm living, and Mama won't. I can't deal with that, it's wrong, I'm supposed to go first, so that I don't have to deal with this type of sorrow. Your Mom has so been my world, she loved me as if I was her own, I've always felt this, I've always felt she was my Mama too. I was so lucky, am so lucky, she came into my life. I know I don't deserve her, but I've loved her, since the first time she hugged me.
They did in another country, England I believe, where they took people's stem cells and re-injected them, the heart rate function went up to over 38%, I'm not sure they are doing this in the US as we seem to be slower in this due to some sort of religious crap, but can you ask the doctor about it?
From what I understand, this is under congestive heart failure?
I haven't had Mom as long as you have, I envy you this, maybe if I was older, I could deal with this with some sort of decorum. I've always wanted to protect her from all harm, and yet, today I'm as helpless as my 4 month old grandson.
I can only weep, and this doesn't appear to do much good.
I love your Mom with every being of my heart. She has been my Mom too, because she allowed that, and gave me so much love, my heart is breaking.
I just pray with all my heart I didn't bring this on, I'm not sure I can live with the guilt.
(this was letter to my step-brother)0 -
Winter Marieherdizziness said:I guess this is what I'm really trying to convey, my LOVE
I feel so incredibly guilty. Mom was fine the beginning of this year, and then I told about my cancer, I'm supposed to be dead about now, and yet here I am, full of hope and life.
She told me after that, after I told her, that her heart broke, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing me.
I'm so afraid that I brought on the heart attack that she wasn't aware of. I can't imagine that I'm living, and Mama won't. I can't deal with that, it's wrong, I'm supposed to go first, so that I don't have to deal with this type of sorrow. Your Mom has so been my world, she loved me as if I was her own, I've always felt this, I've always felt she was my Mama too. I was so lucky, am so lucky, she came into my life. I know I don't deserve her, but I've loved her, since the first time she hugged me.
They did in another country, England I believe, where they took people's stem cells and re-injected them, the heart rate function went up to over 38%, I'm not sure they are doing this in the US as we seem to be slower in this due to some sort of religious crap, but can you ask the doctor about it?
From what I understand, this is under congestive heart failure?
I haven't had Mom as long as you have, I envy you this, maybe if I was older, I could deal with this with some sort of decorum. I've always wanted to protect her from all harm, and yet, today I'm as helpless as my 4 month old grandson.
I can only weep, and this doesn't appear to do much good.
I love your Mom with every being of my heart. She has been my Mom too, because she allowed that, and gave me so much love, my heart is breaking.
I just pray with all my heart I didn't bring this on, I'm not sure I can live with the guilt.
(this was letter to my step-brother)
I'm so sad over your grief and your worries that you might have caused this to happen to someone that you love so deeply. Please know that all things happen for a reason, which we may not understand at the time. Hold close this time that you will have with her and take solace in knowing that you have given her much love and joy. HUGS0 -
No guilt Marieherdizziness said:I guess this is what I'm really trying to convey, my LOVE
I feel so incredibly guilty. Mom was fine the beginning of this year, and then I told about my cancer, I'm supposed to be dead about now, and yet here I am, full of hope and life.
She told me after that, after I told her, that her heart broke, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing me.
I'm so afraid that I brought on the heart attack that she wasn't aware of. I can't imagine that I'm living, and Mama won't. I can't deal with that, it's wrong, I'm supposed to go first, so that I don't have to deal with this type of sorrow. Your Mom has so been my world, she loved me as if I was her own, I've always felt this, I've always felt she was my Mama too. I was so lucky, am so lucky, she came into my life. I know I don't deserve her, but I've loved her, since the first time she hugged me.
They did in another country, England I believe, where they took people's stem cells and re-injected them, the heart rate function went up to over 38%, I'm not sure they are doing this in the US as we seem to be slower in this due to some sort of religious crap, but can you ask the doctor about it?
From what I understand, this is under congestive heart failure?
I haven't had Mom as long as you have, I envy you this, maybe if I was older, I could deal with this with some sort of decorum. I've always wanted to protect her from all harm, and yet, today I'm as helpless as my 4 month old grandson.
I can only weep, and this doesn't appear to do much good.
I love your Mom with every being of my heart. She has been my Mom too, because she allowed that, and gave me so much love, my heart is breaking.
I just pray with all my heart I didn't bring this on, I'm not sure I can live with the guilt.
(this was letter to my step-brother)
Marie, this sounds so familiar to me. I lost my Mom on Oct.3rd to cancer. She and several of her friends told me when she was dx'd that she had known for many, many months that something was very wrong with her but she was waiting on me to get off of chemo because she knew I'd have to be the one to take care of her and Dad. Oh what a burden this has been on my emotions...her knowing she was sick and waiting on me.It is a nightmare I relive over and over again...while I am doing chemo my Mom is being eaten up with cancer.
This is not a healthy way of thinking for me.
A lymph node was taken out of Mom's neck and they took cancer cells from it and tried EVERY available chemo drug on it for response. There was absolutely NO response to any of the drugs. The doctor said that even if I had declined chemo 6 months earlier my Mom was too sick and nothing could have saved her.
Go and enjoy your time with your Mom. Tell her over & over how much you love her.Don't entertain guilt. It is not healthy. I know.
Wishing you the best,
-Pat0 -
hi MarieLori-S said:Winter Marie
I'm so sad over your grief and your worries that you might have caused this to happen to someone that you love so deeply. Please know that all things happen for a reason, which we may not understand at the time. Hold close this time that you will have with her and take solace in knowing that you have given her much love and joy. HUGS
First of all hope your mother gets better as soon she can see you in good shape!
Best luck for you both.
in the other hand I'm Sending the pics today just choose one, i don't care! and sorry for the delay but i got it on my phone and had some problems with its bluetooth0 -
Thoughts and Prayers
Thoughts and Prayers are with you both. Spend that quality time you need with your mom. You will both cherish it. We will be looking for your return.
Hugs! Kim0 -
Plaque not worrygeotina said:Marie:
I'm sorry you have yet another worry on your plate. Just tell her what you told the board, how very much she means to you.
Take care - Tina
Winter Marie, I don't know much about cancer, but I do know a little about heart attacks as I was a cardiac nurse for several years. Most heart attacks are caused by a blood clot that results from YEARS of plaque build up in the arteries. At your Momma's age it is safe to assume there would be a reasonable amount of plaque build up. The shock of hearing about your illness did not cause this. It is the results of years of living a fun filled live full of good foods (lots of which are not really good for us) And face it most people from the generation prior to us ate much more fried and fatty foods than we do. You have enough to worry about with kids, grandkids, and your own health. Please don't take this burden on as well. This is not your cross to bear. Your Momma is blessed to have a daughter that loves her as much as do . She has always expected that you would outlive her. Now is your chance to tell her if she thinks she will pass by Christmas that you will LONG outlive her. That is what she really wants to believe in, that when she is gone her kids and grandkids will live on and her memory with them. Have a safe trip. Cindy0 -
Oh, dearheart...travel safely!!!!!
And, if you get too strong a withdrawal from us....find a Starbucks!!!
Please give a hug to mom for me (mine is 87, and doesn't do computer, either...rofl).
Store up memories, I know I am with my mom...
BIG hugs to you!!! We will miss your wonderful posts!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
So sorry to hear the news
I know your mama will be so happy to see you and see how well you are going. Enjoy your time with her. She sounds like a very special lady. Take care!
Hugs,
Sara0 -
So Sorry
Winter Marie,
I am sorry to hear that your mother is not well. You did not cause this, but I am guessing that seeing you in good shape may be some good medicene for her! Enjoy your trip + the time with her. You have a very busy time coming up; I want to wish you all the best with everything.0 -
Oh, dear soul!!!!herdizziness said:I guess this is what I'm really trying to convey, my LOVE
I feel so incredibly guilty. Mom was fine the beginning of this year, and then I told about my cancer, I'm supposed to be dead about now, and yet here I am, full of hope and life.
She told me after that, after I told her, that her heart broke, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing me.
I'm so afraid that I brought on the heart attack that she wasn't aware of. I can't imagine that I'm living, and Mama won't. I can't deal with that, it's wrong, I'm supposed to go first, so that I don't have to deal with this type of sorrow. Your Mom has so been my world, she loved me as if I was her own, I've always felt this, I've always felt she was my Mama too. I was so lucky, am so lucky, she came into my life. I know I don't deserve her, but I've loved her, since the first time she hugged me.
They did in another country, England I believe, where they took people's stem cells and re-injected them, the heart rate function went up to over 38%, I'm not sure they are doing this in the US as we seem to be slower in this due to some sort of religious crap, but can you ask the doctor about it?
From what I understand, this is under congestive heart failure?
I haven't had Mom as long as you have, I envy you this, maybe if I was older, I could deal with this with some sort of decorum. I've always wanted to protect her from all harm, and yet, today I'm as helpless as my 4 month old grandson.
I can only weep, and this doesn't appear to do much good.
I love your Mom with every being of my heart. She has been my Mom too, because she allowed that, and gave me so much love, my heart is breaking.
I just pray with all my heart I didn't bring this on, I'm not sure I can live with the guilt.
(this was letter to my step-brother)
You CANNOT take any guilt upon yourself!!!!!
Mom is old. My mom is 87. She is old, too. Do you realize that the last generation before them, with a few exceptions, did not live nearly as long? Mom is glad that she has seen you fight cancer as well as you have.
Hug her, love her, keep the memories light...these are precious times, as I know you know....
But, again never, never, never, NEVER feel like you 'gave' your momma heart troubles!!!! Oh, BTW, my beau, age 65, LIVES with congestive heart failure...has for 10 years...this summer, in Florence, he climbed 400 plus steps to the top of the Duomo!!!!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Hey Dizz!AnneCan said:So Sorry
Winter Marie,
I am sorry to hear that your mother is not well. You did not cause this, but I am guessing that seeing you in good shape may be some good medicene for her! Enjoy your trip + the time with her. You have a very busy time coming up; I want to wish you all the best with everything.
So sorry to hear about your Ma. You definately need to see her. I just wanted to tell you that if you need any help on the calanders since you got your hands so full.... I would be more than willing to help with whatever you need. PM/email me if you need anything. Give Ma a big hug from your semi family.... Take care.
Jennie0 -
So Sorryidlehunters said:Hey Dizz!
So sorry to hear about your Ma. You definately need to see her. I just wanted to tell you that if you need any help on the calanders since you got your hands so full.... I would be more than willing to help with whatever you need. PM/email me if you need anything. Give Ma a big hug from your semi family.... Take care.
Jennie
I pray for you and your Mom. When it rains it surely does pour. Be safe and enjoy the time you are together.
Kathy0 -
So Sorryktlcs said:So Sorry
I pray for you and your Mom. When it rains it surely does pour. Be safe and enjoy the time you are together.
Kathy
Winter Marie,
So sorry to hear your Mom isn't doing so well. You already have a full plate, but I admire your resolve to take care of the important things like family. My stepmom is also the one who I consider to be my true Mom and the reason I turned out like I did. I wound go to the end of the world for that woman, sounds like you would too. Try and enjoy the trip as much as you can. We will see you when you get back.
Don0 -
So sorry to hear about yourcoolvdub said:So Sorry
Winter Marie,
So sorry to hear your Mom isn't doing so well. You already have a full plate, but I admire your resolve to take care of the important things like family. My stepmom is also the one who I consider to be my true Mom and the reason I turned out like I did. I wound go to the end of the world for that woman, sounds like you would too. Try and enjoy the trip as much as you can. We will see you when you get back.
Don
So sorry to hear about your mom. I keep you and your mom in my prayers.. God bless. Try and enjoy this special time with your mom.0 -
Dizz...
I'm just reading this and wishing you safe travels. You have lots of love here, ya know. Give your mom all the attention she deserves and don't worry about us. Please don't worry about that calendar. We can make it a 2012 if we need to. Just spend time with your mom and tell her what she means to you. Pass along how much us semi's are thinking of her too.
Love to you, girl.
Holly0 -
thinking of you
@Marie: fingers and toes crossed for your Mom. And I totally understand what you are saying...mom is not the mom who gives you birth and leaves you...Mom is a Mom who loves you unconditionally, who is/was always there. When you were kid, you could tell her your problems even though now that you think back, they were not even problems, but at that time, they seemed to you the biggest, and yet, your Mom was there, understanding, and not laughing at you and making fun of you. I truly hope that this time you are going to spend with her will be amazing, and that it will be the time period that you will be happy to reflect upon and say "Damn! We had a great time!". And I will cross my fingers for your Mom that hopefully, although she is "old and wise" but she is still wrong about her departure.
Take care and let us know when you get back home how wonderful your time was!
Sophie0
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