Loosing my hair!
I found myself shaking yesterday morning as I saw the hair coming out. After feeling much better for the past month and thinking I'm going out of the "shock" phase I became depressed again yesterday. Today, more hair came out! I'm afraid to touch my hair for fear more will come out! I'm so depressed today and not motivated to do anything!
I have someone coming tonight with Life with Cancer to cut my hair shorter for free as part of her ministry. My hair is a few inches past my shoulders and I've always looked really bad with short hair.
Today, I've been back to the "why me" stage which I thought was over. I'm so embarressed to wear wigs, scarves, no hair, etc. I just want to be me again! I want my old life back! I hate this life!
For those of you who have lost their hair, we're you as devestated as I am? I thought I could handle this better than I am!
Comments
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losing your hair
I too had a difficult time with the hair loss. But once I realized that it's just hair and it will grow back I was OK with it. Now I look forward to my little grandson rubbing my bald head and giving me kisses. He tells me cute head Nana!. This in my opinion, is what is important. I did purchase two wigs but I have found I am more comfortable going natural at home and using scarves at work. My best to you.0 -
any of us can definitely relate
My husband and I shaved each other's heads before mine fell out. It was alot easier to deal with when it did happen. I too was very embarassed to go out in public. I felt like everyone was staring at me and I hated it. I finally gt used to wearing the scarves and hats, though and it was fine. I never got a wig, it felt so fake to me. Once I had enough hair to completely cover my scalp I started going out without a head covering. Now I was embarassed all over again and would many times bring one with me "just in case". I never thought I looked very good with short hair, either and when it was real short and curly I thought I looked like my grandma.
What I learned is people really are not staring, they couldn't care less what I look like and looking at some of the photos, I didn't look as bad as I thought with the real short chemo curls.
It is devastating at first but it really is not as bad as it seems!0 -
At first I found it hard tokjrpcb said:losing your hair
I too had a difficult time with the hair loss. But once I realized that it's just hair and it will grow back I was OK with it. Now I look forward to my little grandson rubbing my bald head and giving me kisses. He tells me cute head Nana!. This in my opinion, is what is important. I did purchase two wigs but I have found I am more comfortable going natural at home and using scarves at work. My best to you.
At first I found it hard to be losing my hair and I actually started to lose it while I was in the hospital. Really had alot of fun with the cleaning ladies with the hair, drove them nuts. I didnt purchase a wig, instead I wore bandana's, skull caps and baseball caps. At home and at friends houses I just walked around without anything on. I was always hot with things on my head. You will find your way and what works best for you. And you will get to the place that it is only hair, and there are so much things that are way more important than hair. Hang in there you will soon find what works best for you.0 -
Your feelings are perfectly normal.
Don't be ashamed for the way you are feeling. You didn't ask to get cancer and you especially didn't ask to lose your hair. None of us want it to happen and we all deal with it in our own way. Some of us buzz our hair before it starts to fall out to ease the shock of seeing it fall out. Like you, I just waited and prayed that my hair would somehow miraculously not fall out but most of it came out by the handfuls on Valentine's Day. If you aren't ready to wear a wig, maybe you can wear some shirts with built in hoodies? Try not to feel embarassed and know that you are not alone. It's hard to imagine right now, but some day this will all be just a memory. Try taking it one day at a time and celebrate the life you are fighting to keep.
Hugs!!!0 -
Horrible time with it
I kept telling myself that it was only hair, that when my hair fell out it meant the treatment was working, that it would grow back, that if I lived that was way more important than my hair. Yeah, I told myself all those things, but I still prayed every morning in the shower -- thanking God that I was alive, that the tumor had been found, that surgery went well, that I was doing good with chemo and not miserably sick, and that I still had my hair, but that first glob of hair that came out thirteen days after chemo started was almost worse than the diagnosis itself. I "knew" all the things I needed to know. It would grow back, treatment was working, I was alive. I hated it. I bought myself a wig, found one I had to have, it looked so much like my hair I cried when i tried it on -- wore it twice -- HATED IT. I did scarves and turbans and sometimes baseball caps. I finished chemo 10/29/09, started going topless 12/16/09 (maybe too soon but couldn't stand anything on my head anymore) and I never got a negative reaction from anyone. Now a year later, it's all back and I'm back to complaining about my hair.
You'll make it through because you have no choice. You're a warrior whether you're bald or not. You'll do this even though it sucks and you will get through it and your hair will come back.
I'm so sorry you have to do this. Hopefully my story helps a little.
marge0 -
As horrid as fighting the
As horrid as fighting the beast was, and as much as none of it was the proverbial walk in the park, for me, losing my hair was without a doubt THE WORST part of the entire ordeal!
For the record, I am sure you have now realized that no amount of TLC will save your lovely locks; as an RN you of course know that this is an internal reaction and not an external one. Your scalp may become very tender...the feeling of a too tight pony tail~ the only way to alleviate that is, yes, you guessed it, by shaving your head.
Sigh, but there it is!
I also found out that truly, no one cared about my hair nearly as much as I did! For those around me, I was still just as loved, valued and cared for. The "problem" was my own vanity suffering, and also that I now really felt like a beacon to the world and that it was shouting CANCER!
I did get over it....time does relieve the initial shock and denial of what is happening.
And now...when I see other Kindred Spirits with the tell-tale bandana, I go out of my way to approach them, smile and tell that that I used to have that identical hair-style, and give them a big hug! The acknowledgement of "what is" goes really far in breaking the ice and letting others know that they are not alone on this journey.
I will by no means tell you to be brave! Bravery and hair loss have nothing to do with each other! I trust that this will all fall into place for you, and it will eventually become part of your past and not your present!
The Good News? Anywhere you have hair now, you won't! LOL No leg or underarm shaving for the forseeable future!
Hang in there, sister....you are in good company!
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
Sorrychenheart said:As horrid as fighting the
As horrid as fighting the beast was, and as much as none of it was the proverbial walk in the park, for me, losing my hair was without a doubt THE WORST part of the entire ordeal!
For the record, I am sure you have now realized that no amount of TLC will save your lovely locks; as an RN you of course know that this is an internal reaction and not an external one. Your scalp may become very tender...the feeling of a too tight pony tail~ the only way to alleviate that is, yes, you guessed it, by shaving your head.
Sigh, but there it is!
I also found out that truly, no one cared about my hair nearly as much as I did! For those around me, I was still just as loved, valued and cared for. The "problem" was my own vanity suffering, and also that I now really felt like a beacon to the world and that it was shouting CANCER!
I did get over it....time does relieve the initial shock and denial of what is happening.
And now...when I see other Kindred Spirits with the tell-tale bandana, I go out of my way to approach them, smile and tell that that I used to have that identical hair-style, and give them a big hug! The acknowledgement of "what is" goes really far in breaking the ice and letting others know that they are not alone on this journey.
I will by no means tell you to be brave! Bravery and hair loss have nothing to do with each other! I trust that this will all fall into place for you, and it will eventually become part of your past and not your present!
The Good News? Anywhere you have hair now, you won't! LOL No leg or underarm shaving for the forseeable future!
Hang in there, sister....you are in good company!
Hugs,
Claudia
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I was very fortunate and didn't have to take chemo, so, no hair loss.
I have read on here where many sisters in pink thought losing their hair was almost worse than hearing those four awful words, You have breast cancer.
I wish I could offer you advice, but since I didn't take chemo, I can't, but, I can offer you support and encouragement.
I am sure the last thing you ever want to hear is that it will grow back, but, it will.
If it helps, know that you are fighting the beast with chemo, so, that is a good thing.
Sending you hugs,
Megan0 -
Thanks!chenheart said:As horrid as fighting the
As horrid as fighting the beast was, and as much as none of it was the proverbial walk in the park, for me, losing my hair was without a doubt THE WORST part of the entire ordeal!
For the record, I am sure you have now realized that no amount of TLC will save your lovely locks; as an RN you of course know that this is an internal reaction and not an external one. Your scalp may become very tender...the feeling of a too tight pony tail~ the only way to alleviate that is, yes, you guessed it, by shaving your head.
Sigh, but there it is!
I also found out that truly, no one cared about my hair nearly as much as I did! For those around me, I was still just as loved, valued and cared for. The "problem" was my own vanity suffering, and also that I now really felt like a beacon to the world and that it was shouting CANCER!
I did get over it....time does relieve the initial shock and denial of what is happening.
And now...when I see other Kindred Spirits with the tell-tale bandana, I go out of my way to approach them, smile and tell that that I used to have that identical hair-style, and give them a big hug! The acknowledgement of "what is" goes really far in breaking the ice and letting others know that they are not alone on this journey.
I will by no means tell you to be brave! Bravery and hair loss have nothing to do with each other! I trust that this will all fall into place for you, and it will eventually become part of your past and not your present!
The Good News? Anywhere you have hair now, you won't! LOL No leg or underarm shaving for the forseeable future!
Hang in there, sister....you are in good company!
Hugs,
Claudia
Thanks everyone as all your words are encouraging! All day I've told myself that it's just hair and I could be a lot worse off but it's not working to well! I don't like the thought of standing out in the crowd and like Claudia said it shouts CANCER!
I'll just be glad when this part is over so I can move on. I hope I do get use to it like everyone says. Unfortunately, I feel like I have to wear a wig at work becuase I don't think my patients will want a lady with a scarf on (looking ill) taking care of them. I am dreading that first day I have to walk into work with a wig and worry it will fall off on my patient's bed as I lean over them. I just don't see how the darn thing is going to stay on my head.
With all the support I receive from friends, family, coworkers and this site it's hard not to feel you are walking alone in your own skin. Even though I don't wish this for anyone, I wish I had someone to walk the exact path with me, someone to go thru this with. A chemo buddy so to speak.0 -
wig falling offTxRn64 said:Thanks!
Thanks everyone as all your words are encouraging! All day I've told myself that it's just hair and I could be a lot worse off but it's not working to well! I don't like the thought of standing out in the crowd and like Claudia said it shouts CANCER!
I'll just be glad when this part is over so I can move on. I hope I do get use to it like everyone says. Unfortunately, I feel like I have to wear a wig at work becuase I don't think my patients will want a lady with a scarf on (looking ill) taking care of them. I am dreading that first day I have to walk into work with a wig and worry it will fall off on my patient's bed as I lean over them. I just don't see how the darn thing is going to stay on my head.
With all the support I receive from friends, family, coworkers and this site it's hard not to feel you are walking alone in your own skin. Even though I don't wish this for anyone, I wish I had someone to walk the exact path with me, someone to go thru this with. A chemo buddy so to speak.
I think you have a lot of chemo buddies right now, family, friends and this site. You're just having a low point and I'm sure you will get through it. Honestly, as sad as it may seem to you, the image of your wig falling off onto a patient made me laugh. I certainly hope that doesn't happen, but, if it does, I hope eventually you see the silliness of it all in relation to the battle you are fighting. Hang in there!0 -
You are never going to beTxRn64 said:Thanks!
Thanks everyone as all your words are encouraging! All day I've told myself that it's just hair and I could be a lot worse off but it's not working to well! I don't like the thought of standing out in the crowd and like Claudia said it shouts CANCER!
I'll just be glad when this part is over so I can move on. I hope I do get use to it like everyone says. Unfortunately, I feel like I have to wear a wig at work becuase I don't think my patients will want a lady with a scarf on (looking ill) taking care of them. I am dreading that first day I have to walk into work with a wig and worry it will fall off on my patient's bed as I lean over them. I just don't see how the darn thing is going to stay on my head.
With all the support I receive from friends, family, coworkers and this site it's hard not to feel you are walking alone in your own skin. Even though I don't wish this for anyone, I wish I had someone to walk the exact path with me, someone to go thru this with. A chemo buddy so to speak.
You are never going to be alone! You have all of your sisters in pink right here ready, willing and able to help you in anyway that we can!
Sue
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NJMom10NJMom10 said:wig falling off
I think you have a lot of chemo buddies right now, family, friends and this site. You're just having a low point and I'm sure you will get through it. Honestly, as sad as it may seem to you, the image of your wig falling off onto a patient made me laugh. I certainly hope that doesn't happen, but, if it does, I hope eventually you see the silliness of it all in relation to the battle you are fighting. Hang in there!
My wig falling off in my paitents bed makes me laugh as well! As one of my friends would say, it would only happen to me!
I read an article the other day my step-mother sent me about a wife of a man who owned a football team. She was going to a big event and one of her friends hit her on the back of her head...as the elevator doors opened to the event, her wig fell off! The story is much funnier that I'm telling it, but I almost peed my pants!0 -
Hey TxRn64TxRn64 said:Thanks!
Thanks everyone as all your words are encouraging! All day I've told myself that it's just hair and I could be a lot worse off but it's not working to well! I don't like the thought of standing out in the crowd and like Claudia said it shouts CANCER!
I'll just be glad when this part is over so I can move on. I hope I do get use to it like everyone says. Unfortunately, I feel like I have to wear a wig at work becuase I don't think my patients will want a lady with a scarf on (looking ill) taking care of them. I am dreading that first day I have to walk into work with a wig and worry it will fall off on my patient's bed as I lean over them. I just don't see how the darn thing is going to stay on my head.
With all the support I receive from friends, family, coworkers and this site it's hard not to feel you are walking alone in your own skin. Even though I don't wish this for anyone, I wish I had someone to walk the exact path with me, someone to go thru this with. A chemo buddy so to speak.
I am at the stage of the hair coming back, it has gotten to be enough that I am going topless as they say (no head cover) I had a nice wig but here in TX. (you too?) it was to hot for the wig. I wore bandanas nearly all the time, and some ball caps. My wig fit well, don't think it would fall off. How about the caps they were in surgery, not sure what they are called but they appear to fit like a cap and would fit in in the hospital setting.We will be there with you through this and I know you will do fine!! God Bless
(((Hugs))) Janice0 -
Chemo Buddies
As NJ mentioned you probably have more chemo buddies than you can imagine. We're all here for you, whether we're farther on the journey or just starting.
Take care and come back and see us often.
marge0 -
HiBoppy_of_6 said:Hey TxRn64
I am at the stage of the hair coming back, it has gotten to be enough that I am going topless as they say (no head cover) I had a nice wig but here in TX. (you too?) it was to hot for the wig. I wore bandanas nearly all the time, and some ball caps. My wig fit well, don't think it would fall off. How about the caps they were in surgery, not sure what they are called but they appear to fit like a cap and would fit in in the hospital setting.We will be there with you through this and I know you will do fine!! God Bless
(((Hugs))) Janice
I know how hard it is..the hair, the boobs..I cried and cried for my old life! But sometimes you just have to walk through the fire. I promise, it will get better, and better. Sometimes it's in our most painful places in life, that God come to us.. and wraps us in his grace. This really will pass..Hug and prayers for you...alison0 -
Hi TX
This is one of the
Hi TX
This is one of the hardest things of the whole process.
I did the same thing once i started loosing it i put it in a ponytail and cut it off and donated it to locks of love...well i figured i wasnt going to use it anymore so i could give it to someone who could use it...right. I donated 17" of it. I had hair down passed the middle of my back...ive always had long hair and it was tough loosing it...so we took the humorous route thru it instead of choosing to be depressed but thats not for everyone.
Even thru the humor i hated it and still do...it really didnt help that people said it would grow back...fact is I DIDNT WANT TO LOOSE IT! Now finally my hair is growing back...its super short and i still hate it but now im just thankful at least i have hair again...its funny how your perspective changes thru all this.0 -
boppy_of_3Boppy_of_6 said:Hey TxRn64
I am at the stage of the hair coming back, it has gotten to be enough that I am going topless as they say (no head cover) I had a nice wig but here in TX. (you too?) it was to hot for the wig. I wore bandanas nearly all the time, and some ball caps. My wig fit well, don't think it would fall off. How about the caps they were in surgery, not sure what they are called but they appear to fit like a cap and would fit in in the hospital setting.We will be there with you through this and I know you will do fine!! God Bless
(((Hugs))) Janice
I'm from Texas, but live in Viginia now. I can't imagine living in Texas during this time with all that heat! I'm thankful it is cold, winter, hat season! I'd love to wear those surgery caps but not sure it will be appropiate for the setting I work in...thanks for the idea and I'll investigate it! Thanks for the support!0 -
I was ok with
losing my hair. It started falling out 15 days after 1st treatment so I had my hairdresser buzz it the next day. Tomorrow is chemo #5. I want to say you'll get used to it but I do still wear hats when outside. The ACS has a free Feel Good, Look Better program. If you have a chance to go to one do it. They give one free wig to anyone who wants one besides all the makeup and tips on using it. Hope you feel better about the hair loss - it is part of the journey.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
I like you, always had longcahjah75 said:I was ok with
losing my hair. It started falling out 15 days after 1st treatment so I had my hairdresser buzz it the next day. Tomorrow is chemo #5. I want to say you'll get used to it but I do still wear hats when outside. The ACS has a free Feel Good, Look Better program. If you have a chance to go to one do it. They give one free wig to anyone who wants one besides all the makeup and tips on using it. Hope you feel better about the hair loss - it is part of the journey.
{{hugs}} Char
I like you, always had long hair and felt like it was my femininity. I had a very hard time when it started to fall out and cried for my son in law to come right over and shave it. I had cut it short also so that it wouldn't be so bad with long hair falling everywhere.
It's a funny thing, I grew to like my short cut and even my Grandson said, "Gram I really like your hair like that!"
Then when it began to fall out and I had tenderness on my scalp, he shaved me.
Well, let me tell you that I was liberated. I no longer stressed over it and excepted it.
I just looked at some photo's of my hairs growth since it started to return around Jan or Feb. I am amazed at how good it looks with a little extra makeup! It's about 4 inches long now and chemo curl ( had straight) and I won't grow it long again. I love the convenience of it. But I will have it to my shoulders once more and then we'll see how it goes.
Good luck and you will be amazed at how we adjust to the inevidable.
P.S. My eyelashes bothered me more than anything.
Hugs,
Wanda0 -
HairLighthouse_7 said:I like you, always had long
I like you, always had long hair and felt like it was my femininity. I had a very hard time when it started to fall out and cried for my son in law to come right over and shave it. I had cut it short also so that it wouldn't be so bad with long hair falling everywhere.
It's a funny thing, I grew to like my short cut and even my Grandson said, "Gram I really like your hair like that!"
Then when it began to fall out and I had tenderness on my scalp, he shaved me.
Well, let me tell you that I was liberated. I no longer stressed over it and excepted it.
I just looked at some photo's of my hairs growth since it started to return around Jan or Feb. I am amazed at how good it looks with a little extra makeup! It's about 4 inches long now and chemo curl ( had straight) and I won't grow it long again. I love the convenience of it. But I will have it to my shoulders once more and then we'll see how it goes.
Good luck and you will be amazed at how we adjust to the inevidable.
P.S. My eyelashes bothered me more than anything.
Hugs,
Wanda
Hi I had long hair also and yes it was hard i thought i would be the one that the hair wouldn't fall out but it did and it was hard but i refused to cry and get depressed I'm a christian and i know God is taking me threw this for a reason and I'm going to go threw this ordeal with Jesus on my lips,I laid in the bed 4 and 5 days after chemo this summer so very sick but i still called Jesus name,I said that to say this no matter what I'm going threw I'm not going to let cancer call the shots on my emotions it's all scarey to me but remember it's little kids going threw what we're going threw no hair etc... they might not have breast cancer but they have J O Y, go visit the childrens wing at the hospitals. I hate this for all of us but give God the glory in spite of. as Madeia would say it HALLELUJAH. I Love all you ladies even though we don't know each other we're in this together and we can fight it together. MOLLZ0 -
I call it my furry hat
I found a wig that everyone think is really my hair, and now that it is cooling off it does come in handy. I wear it at work mostly. At first I didn't want to be seen in public with a scarf, but after a few months you get used to having a scarf on, because they are much more comfortable, and you find yourself in town with it on, and guess what no one seems to notice or care. Good luck, Patti0
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