CSN Login
Members Online: 1

Flashback

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Last night I was at the ER with my husband who is diagnosed with liver cancer. They had him NPO because they were planning on possible anesthesia. I got a little styrofoam cup with ice chips and a spoon for him, and when I spooned out some ice for him, I was reminded of the months I spent in the hospital caring for my mom, who spent the last few months of her life unable to eat solid foods. I used to spoon her ice chips, too. I had a major flashback moment with some very sad feelings and became a blubbering, snotty mess, right at the time my husband needed me most.

Mom passed a few days before last Christmas, and we got hubbys cancer diagnosis at the end of July this year. I hate cancer.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

With a passion I hate this disease.

Hugs, Penny.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Penney,
I also remember feeding my mom ice chips. Although my husband died so suddenly, I'm so glad I didn't have to go through that with him, cause it really would have brought back memories too.
Hope your husband isn't in the hospital too long. "Carole"

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1629
Joined: Aug 2009

It's ok to blubber once ion awhile. You are entitled. Your husband knows that things are hard for you, too. Strength is that thing that brings us back from the blubbering to doing what needs to be done. Besides, I think strenghth is overrated. As one friend told me, you don't just have to be flexible. You need to be elastic so you bounce back. I am sure you bounced back just fine. Fay

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

I'm definately going to borrow the "be elastic so you can bounce back", Fay. I'm writing this from my lap top in the hotel next to the hospital AGAIN. Hubby admitted this evening AGAIN in the emergency room, this time with a temp of almost 103 AGAIN. They think there's some kind of systemic infection going on.Sigh.

Im just kind of muddling through, these days. The cancer seems to have gotten worse when I wasn't looking.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Penny,
Sorry to hear that your husband is back in the hospital again. Being a caregiver is so stressful, and we hang in there while it's going on. But you have to take care of yourself & just be there for him no matter what. Is he still going through treatments? I'm sure they'll do what they can for him, but it's just hard to see him going through all this.
Just vent to us anytime you feel like it. Even though my husband died almost 8 month ago, I find comfort in coming to this site. Haven't gone into the chat rooms for awhile though.
I'll say a prayer for you & your husband, that he gets strong again & keeps fighting!
"Carole"

Noellesmom
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

Wish I could be there to help - just know you are and your husband are in our thoughts and prayers.

I like the elastic comment! Think I'll use that!

MRapp226's picture
MRapp226
Posts: 52
Joined: Sep 2010

CANCER SUCKS!!!! It is truly does. I just recently lost my dad to Esophageal Cancer and I know what you mean about triggers. Don't beat yourself up. We are all human and are dealing with a monster disease, grief, sorrow, etc., etc. You have been through a lot the past year.

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Thanks for your response, Jan.
We really need to get on a new dietary train, especially when this hospitalization is over. Hubby's blood sugar has been all over--one minute too low, another minute in the 200's. I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Lately I've been using "dietary therapy" to deal with stress, and the foods that make me feel better are none too healthy.

I'l check the book out at Barnes and Nobles today.
Penny

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network