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Hopeful720's picture
Hopeful720
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010

Hi - I have been reading the boards for quite some time, and I decided to be brave and write a post. The second the words hit the screen they become more real, and I think that is why I have been to scared to write them. I thought it was the denial, and for a long time it was, but now that my dad has been put on hospice care for non-small cell lung cancer of both lungs I feel I need support, and I want to be here as a support for others. I feel angry that more is not being done, that more treatments are not being tried, but now they tell me there is nothing more they can do - oxygen and keeping him comfortable is what they're able to do now. I cannot handle it. It is hard for me to talk about it with others because I do not want them questioning me about him every day, and I also feel the more you talk about it, the more real it becomes. I am praying for a miracle. I am praying that he will start treatment again.

My dad just turned 56, and I am 28 - I hate seeing what this terrible disease has done to him. I am crying now... I will stop writing for now.

Praying for a miracle for my dad and for everyone on this board - for your families, and for your own pain.

Thank you for listening.

Cindy Bear
Posts: 563
Joined: Jul 2009

Hello dear and welcome. This is the place to come when you're in pain. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad and I too pray for a miracle for him and all the other brave men and women on the boards. I came here last year , after my mother passed away from Stage IV uterine cancer. I won't rehash the whole story but I am still dealing with anger and grief and depression. I still can't believe she's gone, though it's been a year and a half. She was 79, I lost my Dad at 69. This year we lost my BIL at 58, to esoph cancer. It sucks and it isn't fair. But it is what it is. Like you, I avoided talking about it. Outside of family, I told a few close friends but none of my coworkers. I couldn't bear the thought of them asking me, "How is your mom, how's she feeling...
I can't really tell you why I continue to come here other than I've grown quite fond of some of the regular posters and it brings me comfort to come here. I mostly visit the uterine, ovarian and BC boards.. mostly just read, but post if I feel I can help someone. Hugs , Cindy

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1616
Joined: Aug 2009

Miracles do happen, but sometimes they don't come in the form we want. I can understand how hard it is to accept that there is no other treatment out there. I lost my husband a year ago to colon cancer after a 6 year battle. I remember how it felt to hear that the current treatment was not working and there were no other treatments available. I knew it was coming, but it still hit hard. We stopped treatment and contacted hospice. A month later, he was gone. Hospice was wonderful. I particularly appreciated the 24/7 phone number. I used it several times. They provided us with oxygen, a hospital bed, and meds delivered to the house. Yet miracles did happen. Friends visited. We were able to take a couple of short trips. Our family gathered around and gave us their love and support. Toward the end, I prayed for a peaceful death and that was granted. I guess what I am saying, is don't limit yourself to a miracle cure. Make each day you have count. Tell your dad how much you love him. Be glad he is here now. Share memories. Cancer is a terrible disease, and I was told recently that it has now surpassed heart disease as the number one killer in the United States. I don't believe that misery loves company, but we have a lot of company anyway. We already knew that from these boards. Take care of yourself. Take things one day at a time, and celebrate the little miracles. Fay

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

My mother went to treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery, for the last 6 months of her life. Once she was in hospice care, it was very difficult for my sister and I to accept that there was nothing more that medicine could do. We were very fortunate that the hospice nurses and doctors were so understanding and compassionate, not only with my mom, but with her entire family. They helped us through the frustration of accepting that there was nothing more to be done, and made my mothers passing a peaceful and natural progression towards end of life. No tubes, no machines, just gentle care and ease of pain. It was so much better than the urgent, loud uncomfortableness of the hospital. I will be forever grateful that they were able to give my mother her dignity back, and made an awful situation much easier to bear. I'm glad you decided to post. Just knowing that I'm not the only one has really helped me. Currently I am caregiver for my husband, who has unresectable primary liver cancer. I don't post often, but I read the posts everyday, they give me a lot of comfort and support. I hope this site can do the same for you.
Penny

Hopeful720's picture
Hopeful720
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010

I needed time to collect my thoughts - whenever I type about my dad I start to cry. I wanted to thank you so much for your kind words of support, hope, and comfort. It means so much. I read them often to help ease my anxieties. I am having so much trouble accepting the inevitable. I feel like without treatments my dad is just sitting there knowing there is no hope. It breaks my heart.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1616
Joined: Aug 2009

I am glad to see you are still coming here. Acceptance is the final stage of the grieving process. It takes time, and you ae already grieving. Hang on. Give your dad your love and support. He knows you are hurting. Know that this time is precious to both of you. Hugs, Fay

Hopeful720's picture
Hopeful720
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010

It is terrible that we need to lose loved ones, and go through so much pain from this horrific disease. I will keep each of your words in my heart and in my prayers. I am deeply sorry for your losses, and I feel so blessed to have a place to go when I feel like there is no hope, and when I feel anger, grief and pain.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Hopeful,
I like you feel like I am addicted to this site. But since I've been on since my husband died in March, it's such a comfort to come on here and see how everyone who's going through cancer or has been a caregiver is doing. We're all like family and understand how it feels to be alone and having our whole lives change.
I still have alot of anger & can't understand why a good guy like my husband was taken from me so soon. He was going to retire this past June & we never even got to do all that we planned on doing. We'll be okay as time goes on cause there's nothing we can do about what happened. Take care! "Carole"

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