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Some Days

junklady's picture
junklady
Posts: 88
Joined: Aug 2009

Some days I can do things around the house, and then all of a sudden the tears start. I look at something that was Dale's and cry. He has only been gone a month and 1/2. I can't believe he is not here, he left me. I had Dale's memorial on 9-29, since then no one has called. I guess they are all back in their own little worlds. After the private family memorial, there was a gathering for friends at the local bar. What amazes me, is there were people there who never came to me and said hello, or I'm sorry. I don't understand. To me it's like a slap in the face. I'm the widow, I lived with him for 12 years, I took care of him till he took his dying breath, and I get nothing in return. How sad. I'm really trying to let this go as ignorance on their part, but my heart is broken. I just had to vent, as most of you here are grieving too. Only you can understand, no one else to talk to. Today is a new day, will try to move forward, taking small steps and thinking good memories.

Cynthia

david54
Posts: 115
Joined: Apr 2009

I am sorry Cynthia-I know this is really hard. I think that some people for whatever reason are afraid that if they hang with a widow or widower (I still hate those words) one of them might lose their spouse-doesn’t make sense does it? I really hear what you are saying about taking care of your partner and getting nothing in return. Some days I pray to God and ask “So for three years I worked so hard to take care of my dying wife and this is the result? To be alone and forgotten by people who were once our friends?”

It stinks and I am sorry. All I can say is that you are not alone in this pain, and yet I know how alone you feel.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1302
Joined: Aug 2010

People do cycle back into their own little worlds and it is so hard to be left alone. I hope you have family and friends who are at least checking to see if you need anything. Please be honest and tell them you need company from time to time.

I am not making a comparison but my daughter was with her fiance when he committed suicide. My most poignant memory from the whole episode is holding her, while she was sobbing, saying over and over "he left me, he left me".

They promise never to leave us and they don't, as long as they have control. Dale did not leave you, Cynthia - he was taken away, perhaps, by God's merciful hand.

You don't have to be strong, it is good to grieve a broken heart but please remember you are most definitely not alone. God is with you and people here are with you.

Gentle hugs today to you.

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1161
Joined: May 2008

I am sorry . you are new to widowhood real new, my husband hasn't been with me for 18 months on saturday . And this board really has helped me get threw the hard times but like you i am still taking it on step at a time and i will continue on my journey still crying for him. I find some things hard but i think of a way to do it and i try and thats all i can do. For me this is been the hardest thing I've had (have) to do . is to be alone.

take care and we all care here for each other. It will work out

michelle

ruthelizabeth
Posts: 146
Joined: May 2009

For me the comment, "Oh, you're so strong," really hurts sometimes. Do I have a choice? Just because I'm coping with the job and the paperwork and the house and I don't cry in public (as much) doesn't mean it's all over with and I'm fine.

As for family, well, one of Don's kids does stay in touch and so does her daughter so that's nice. My side of the family picked this year to drop all connection with me; I haven't heard from them in five months -- in itself, not unusual --- but they didn't acknowledge my birthday.

Hang on -- notice I didn't say be strong -- and weather thru each day. If you have the strength, connect with other people because when you do and especially if you can do something nice for them, it will make you feel slightly better. Your husband is cheering you on and telling you to find a way to make a good life for yourself.

(It's okay to scream back occasionally. He'd understand.)

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1613
Joined: Aug 2009

Grieving is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and I am still grieving. It has been a year next week, so I am not new to this. I won't tell you that it is better. It does seem a little easier, but there are still days when I struggle. Actually, I find the struggle is hardest at night. I have been blessed with good friends, family, and church. I don't have any words of wisdom, but my one suggestion is that you reach out to others. I found that some friends were afraid to invite me out because they didn't know how I was feeling. I know, all they have to do is call and ask, but they don't quite know how. My solution was to call and ask them if they wanted to go have lunch. Now I join friends for lunch on a regular basis. People seem to have a hard time knowing how to relate to us sometimes. I don't understand it. They don't know what to say, so they don't say anything. We can't take it personally. Although we do. Others go back to their lives. We are left alone with half of our life gone. We are the ones who go home to that empty house. This is not what we planned. You have kindred souls here. Come as often as you need us. I used to come several times a day. Both reading the posts and writing them were a great help in the early stages of my grief. I have reached the acceptance stage. That doesn't mean I have to like it. Fay

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

You know, if they are not your friends now, they were probably not "real" friends to begin with. This is the time for new starts in some areas of your life, so may as well count on the friends that are still with you and forget the ones who faded away....your true friends will stick with you and remember...God is ALWAYS there to talk to, so use that and know he is walking beside you at all times...just close your eyes and he will be with you in your heart.

Hugs, Gayle

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