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Anger!

BobK53
Posts: 2
Joined: Oct 2010

I was Diag with Mantel Cell Lymphomia in July I am going thru r-chop therapy, I am getting my 3rd treatment next week
I though I could deal with all this but over the last few days I have become VERY ANGERY i know my wife is trying but i keep finding myself being a real A**hole. I dont know why.

Normally i am very balanced I am a corprate trainer and spend my life teaching Customer Service and how to cope with stress in the business world, but I dont know what to do now
I dont really have close fiends to talk to and wont put this on my children
But the person I love most my wife of 38 years is getting the guff how do I stop It?

vinny59's picture
vinny59
Posts: 1030
Joined: Nov 2006

You need to know that the only thing this dam disease can't take from us is our attitude. I know I may sound like I'm trying to over simplify this, but I'm not. Hey it's so normal to be angry, pissed off, but I'm not going to give in and let cancer make me take it out on the people I care for. There are so many group's out there where you can vent with other cancer patients and talk about the anger you have. Good luck , just do the countdown, after the third treatment you are almost half way there............ Vinny

JoanieP's picture
JoanieP
Posts: 573
Joined: Mar 2010

The chemo drugs made me cry a lot and got angry about very stupid things as I look back to 2009. Don't be too hard on yourself Bob. I've been blessed with a great husband for 40 years and being a caregiver to me was no walk in the park. Take care and God bless you and your great caregiver. Joanie

KC13167's picture
KC13167
Posts: 215
Joined: Jun 2010

I've noticed that when I get tired or hungry that I can get very grouchy. I take myself away from the situation and eat some yogurt and take a nap, which usually makes my grouchiness go away. Kellie

yesyes2
Posts: 461
Joined: Jul 2009

Hi Bob,
Sorry that you have a need to be joining our little cancer family, but welcome aboard. As you already know your in for a very bumpy ride. Cancer is quite a trial, even without having to take prednison, but the steroids in RCHOP really do do a job on out mental stability at times. Not an excuse, just a fact. Give yourself an opportunity to get angry, rant, cry, what ever it takes to get you through the day. Know that there are cancer support group in almost every community. And there are also groups for caregivers as they need support also. You are always welcome here as we all have been there, done that, and are truly here for each other.
Blessings to you and you wife,
Leslie

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

Just had 4th treatment of chemo - diagnosed on Aug. 6th so I am relatively new to this. Last month, I went through anger stage - now less, I am learning how to live this life differently and not let this take over me... and also most importantly, listen to my body - how it is performing and asking me to do - for example, when it gets thirsty, hungry, needing to rest, or just a hug or fresh air, etc. as well as what kind of medicine it needs in order to make my body feel better. I don't take control of what I want my body to do but let my body be my guide. Then, I just look and appreciate the small things in life and don't worry about perfections as much and feel grateful for my hubby as my caregiver. Maybe you need to find a different place to vent your anger other than what you have been venting... I have seen a counselor and also to support groups... anything that can help you surely can help!!

Be thinking of you and take it easy,
Liz

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Liz,
I just wanted to say that I agree with everything you said. Also, glad to hear you made it through number 4. Hopefully your feeling well and not to run down.
Peaceful healing
Lisha

DenJ
Posts: 26
Joined: Oct 2009

You are channeling your anger at the wrong thing. I pointed mine at the disease....I made it to be my enemy. I argued with it and I never gave it a break. Your honey is your support...she didn't make this happen. You need to fight the enemy and keep your weapons for that. You'll see that it'll be good and you'll feel alot better when ya do that. Best of luck.

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

I got very angry when dealing with this cancer. I still have some anger at times even now 4.5 years into this journey. Sometimes the best I can do is just take a moment at a time and keep moving forward. I cried a lot. It always seemed like whenever I was at my worst was when my hubby was out of town. I relied on my kid (she may not be mine in body...but heart is where it is) to take me places which was an experience in itself since I had to teach a 15 year old how to drive a stick LOL.

I learned to hang on and pray alot haha. I tried so hard to stay strong on the phone with Jim while silently cussing him for being gone. I know it wasn't fair, but it was just where I was at the time. I found it ok to be angry. I found it healthy to be angry. This stuff is hard, scary and so completely overwhelming.

Your wife will understand. Talk to her about it on your good days, or moments whatever the situation. She's scared too honey. Cancer affects all of those around us as much as just us. She probably is dealing with her own anger.

Something that helped me one time I took a bunch of glass bottles and went down to our local lake and broke them in a trash can while screaming. It was a wonderful relief to get out my frustrations.

Take care, and just realize you are half way home.

Beth

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

My goodness Beth its a good thing a cop did not see you screaming and and breaking those bottles in a trash or you may be writing us from the local "NUT" house. I would still write you though. hahahaha John
(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

That's ok John, the kid now works at the state mental hospital as a mental health technician LOL. She'll vouch for me.

It DID make me feel better.

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Beth,
Thats all that counts,it made you feel better. John
(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)

JulieMJ
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2010

I'm new this site and I'm so glad I found it! I am now a 4 month survivor and I remember the days of being on an emotional roller coaster. It's the meds talking. You can't help it. I know for me, it wasn't so much the situation, it was every situation that cause extreme emotional reactions. There would be times when I would break down and cry or laugh hysterically for no reason. I also did not feel like I had a network of "friends" for support and I did not want to lean on my family. I felt they had enough on their plates just dealing with the fact that I had cancer, my emotional turmoil would only make the load harder to bear. Know what I did? I blogged. It was very therapeutic. I cried while I typed. My computer was my outlet and it made dealing with my emotions so much easier. Your wife loves you and I'm sure she understands your anger. Take your moments of clarity to apologize for your past outbursts and any future ones you may have. Use every opportunity to tell her you love her and occassionally do something special for her. Even if you just give her a greeting card that lets her know how special she is, it will make her day. A little goes a long way for a cancer patients circle of support.

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