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Is there an easy way?

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

I just tried to look through my husbands closet to pack some clothes away. As soon as I took one of his fleece jackets out, the tears started to flow. It is so hard to go on without him and know he won't be here to snuggle with this winter. Is there an easy way to do this? One of my sons took some of his summer shirts and it broke my heart every time I saw him wear one. But yet I'm glad to see them on him, does this make any sense. He also took his car and I feel like crying every time I see it pull in our driveway or go over to their house & see it parked there. I don't know what to do to make this easier. It's been 6 months and I thought I was doing pretty good, but then I have days like this.
Does anyone else feel this way? "Carole"

bingles
Posts: 120
Joined: Mar 2010

Carole...Fear not...for some reason the six month mark is proving to be horendus for me....kudos to you for attempting the clothes....no way I can even approach that issue..I've paired them down and relocated some things...but they will not leave the house.
The car situation is huge too..having turned his car into a fishing buggy..complete with rod holder..and having sold my car when he got diag.....his car became my car and driving it was painful....I traded it in...now I wonder if I made a wrong move...my heart says no...but....
So yes your not alone....ans Lord I hope we are able to get though this maze...but its exhusting...and I too am dreading the winter..we used to love to just hang out and keep warm...and watch it snow...this winter is going to be horrible...
Guessing there just is no right or wrong.
Keep the faith.
Pat

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

I don't think there is an easy way. Having been in this for almost a year, I have decided that grief is hard work. We take a couple of steps forward followed with a step or two back. My husband was a collector, and I haven't tackled those yet. I did put one on permanent loan to a museum, but haven't done anything with others. One of these days I will get to them. I still find something in a desk or his old office and feel the tears. I have just accepted that there are times and days when I feel the loneliness and pain more. Rainy days are depressing. Special days are depressing. I was so blessed to have had a great marriage that lasted for over forty years. That doesn't lessen the pain. It may even make it greater. I do have wonderful memories. I also have a great deal to live for including a wonderful family and very supportive friends. We are not going to forget. Our spouses will always be a part of us. We shared so very much. I do feel that I am doing well. I refuse to let the calendar determine when or how I grieve. Fay

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

Double post. I don't know why. It's just one of those things!

junklady's picture
junklady
Posts: 88
Joined: Aug 2009

My husband left this earth on Aug 29. We had his scattering of the ashes on Sept. 29. It was a very painful day. His daughter took his pick up truck back to Texas. I cried as it left the driveway . I gave her some of his denim shirts to make a quilt. Just so sad to get them out of the closet. I smelled them and cried. As for the rest of the clothes, they are staying in the closet and drawers. I can't bear to do anything at this time. I will be closing up the house in 2 weeks and going to our winter home. Maybe in the Spring I can face the emotional issue of sorting clothes. I want to say that this last week has brought more tears than the days after he died. I sit around in disbelief, I'm sad and heartbroken. Today I'm going to take myself fishing, just to do something different. I haven't fished since he got sick. I'm going to one of the lakes we liked to go to. I know it will be painful, but I can sit and think. I keep telling myself, one day at a time.

Cynthia

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Carole
Yes, we are all here with you. We share the same grieving times. Mom and I talk about Dad just about every day. I dream of him at least once a week. My husband has inherited most of my dad's shirts, jackets and hats. My brother was not ready to take anything yet. I enjoy seeing my husband in my dad's things. I was speaking of my dad this past weekend to a friend and my husband came around the corner with my dad's shirt on. Hmmmmm......I am thinking.....that is a sign. A sign that my dad is watching over us, and a sign that he is doing just fine! Hang in there fellow caregivers. We will get through this together. We will keep each other warm over the winter through our computers! Keep in touch, know that I am always thinking of you.
Tina in Va

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1154
Joined: May 2008

Been there, but angel has alot of nice harley shirts and his boots, all of his clothes that he hardly wore i got rid of those early on but as far as his harley stuff goes i gave some to my older son and the rest are all hanging up in the closet that will go to my granson or i will wear them with my jeans I just can;t get rid of those shirts or anything to do with our harley he had some reg nice dress shirts gave them to his mother and she made pillows out of them.I know my husband is never coming back but i just can't get rid of some of his stuff it kind of gives me comfort when i see them hanging next to my clothes. it will be 18 months since he died but i still miss him every minute of the day. and i beleave tina. we will get threw this together take care

michelle

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