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What would have been....

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

Well, today would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. I was dreading it so much, but it actually turned out to be a good day. I saw a bereavement counselor yesterday and she suggested that I get out with friends or family, and I did and enjoyed myself without thinking too much about "everything". I have read here so much about grieving taking 1-2 years sometimes. The counselor tells me that everyone is different and not to expect anything in particular when sadness and grieving is concerned and not to feel guilty about the good times I have and not mourning 24/7. The only thing I worry about is after these days of getting along pretty well, it will hit me and knock me down hard...back to the way I was the first few weeks. Time will tell I suppose but I will just take life as it comes and realize that I still have one to live and if I feel good about something, then it's OK...doesn't mean I love my Doug any less...only that I am healing, I hope!

Blessings to all, Gayle

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

I agree that we should not feel guilty about the good times. We need to be open to those just as we need to accept the down times. My Doug always liked a good laugh. He would want me to laugh. Fay

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Gayle,
Having your 25th anniversary without your husband, had to be so hard for you.
This last sunday I had to go to a 50th anniversary party for my sister & brother-in-law. They showed slides of their 50 years & my husband & I were in some of them. Plus while they were being shown, they played the song "True Love" which was the song we danced for our wedding dance. Needless to say, the tears started rolling down my cheeks & I felt like my heart was breaking in two.
I'm glad your seeing a counselor. It has really helped me alot. We just have to take one day at a time. I didn't laugh or even smile for months. And I felt like a zombie cause I would hardly talk. It's just not fair that we have to go on without the love of our lives.
Take care! "Carole"

ktlcs's picture
ktlcs
Posts: 360
Joined: Jan 2010

I really feel for you, our 24th anniversary will be on Oct 12, just a few days short of 3 months since my husband passed. You are a strong woman and I admire the way you handled this day. I am not there yet but hope to be. I too have been told that the grieving process may take as long as 2 years.

Stay Strong

Kathy

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

Yes, klts....I too have heard the "2 year" mark, but I just refuse to believe that it will take that long for me to keep on living. The couselor says that everyone is different and grieving will take it's own turns and bumps with each and every different person. The thought of it taking that long depresses me to no end and just cannot think of myself in mourning for that long a time. I hope and pray God will lead me through each and every day and I believe that Doug would not want to me to be in a state of grieving for that long. Help me if I am this way 2 years from now!!

Hugs and blessings, Gayle

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