Still feeling out of sync

Stilltrying
Stilltrying Member Posts: 10
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hello. I am 14 most post-mastectomy and 10 months post-implants. I am taking Tamoxifen and have been for the 1 year. I still have feelings of indifference about most things. It is like nothing is really all that important. I don't think I've found my "new normal" yet but am definitely not happy about having to find this "new normal". There was nothing wrong with my "old normal" as far as I'm concerned. Maybe I am just having a bad run but I cannot seem to hold interest in much of anything. I am constantly tired but attribute that to a horrific commute to work. I live in one state and travel to another (at least 1.5 hours each way per day). I feel like I am just taking up space and can't find a direction and stick with it. Recurrence is never out of my thoughts, and I don't know how not to think about it. My friends and husband are really wonderful, but I don't talk with them because I think they really cannot understand my feelings (having never been in my shoes).

Does anyone still have these feelings this far out of surgery?

Thanks for "listening".

Comments

  • Stilltrying
    Stilltrying Member Posts: 10
    #2
    Still feeling out of sync
    Just saw what I typed - really need to remember to use spell check. I am 14-MONTHS post-mastectomy. Thanks.
  • evolboss
    evolboss Member Posts: 9
    #3
    Stilltrying said:

    Still feeling out of sync
    Just saw what I typed - really need to remember to use spell check. I am 14-MONTHS post-mastectomy. Thanks.

    ME TOO
    You are not alone I feel the same way I am currently going through the reconsrtuction process with expanders and can't get my groove back. I feel really drained and no energy, like you always thinking of it coming back.So you are not alone!
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #4
    Me three...
    I too lost my groove... When I read what you wrote, it was like reading about my own feelings.
    This part in particular:

    I still have feelings of indifference about most things. It is like nothing is really all that important. I don't think I've found my "new normal" yet but am definitely not happy about having to find this "new normal". There was nothing wrong with my "old normal" as far as I'm concerned. Maybe I am just having a bad run but I cannot seem to hold interest in much of anything.

    I used to be very enthusiastic and full of energy,not so much anymore. And I get overwhelmed really easy. God forbid
    it is something trivial that someone is complaining about... it makes me want to scream. The luxury of it!

    Ayse
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #5
    I don't think you are
    I don't think you are unusual at all~ and I also don't think this is your new normal, either. It won't come as any surprise to you to know that oftentimes, the emotional toll on us is worse than the physical. And OMG~ the physical was horrid enough, wasn't it?

    I used to get so upset at people and their mundane complaints...a TV show was cancelled, the pizza was cold, rain threatened a shopping day, the dog peed on the carpet. I eventually realized that I wasn't angry at all~ I was JEALOUS of these people and wanted cold pizza to be my days worst experience! Once I realized that I felt a great relief and was able to pull myself up and get busy with living again!

    As for recurrance? We all understand that fear too~ if you broke your leg, when the cast finally came off, you would no doubt be careful. But you probably wouldn't have the fear that you were going to have another cast any time soon, if ever! But with cancer? Well, in time, the other shoe waiting to drop stops being a steel-toed combat boot and truly does become a soft, baby shoe. Not all the way gone, but not all intrusive, either.

    Can you exercise at all? I know you commute an un-godly distance every day, but it would be sooooo good if you could find even half an hour to get those endorphins revved up! Is there sonmeone who could walk with you at lunch? Can you listen to audio books on your way to work? A thriller? An autobiography of someone you admire? Comedy tapes? Nothing heavy...but something to distract you and also free your mind and stimulate your heart!

    If it is more than situation depression..please avail yourself of help from your family doctor. Many, many, many of us have needed to take meds to get us back on track after this life-altering scare and battle

    And of course, there is always us! This amazing place is filled with compassionate, empathetic Kindred Spirits . I like to call it our Safe Place to land.

    Keep us posted; we really want you to find Life After Cancer a fullfilling place to be!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #6
    chenheart said:

    I don't think you are
    I don't think you are unusual at all~ and I also don't think this is your new normal, either. It won't come as any surprise to you to know that oftentimes, the emotional toll on us is worse than the physical. And OMG~ the physical was horrid enough, wasn't it?

    I used to get so upset at people and their mundane complaints...a TV show was cancelled, the pizza was cold, rain threatened a shopping day, the dog peed on the carpet. I eventually realized that I wasn't angry at all~ I was JEALOUS of these people and wanted cold pizza to be my days worst experience! Once I realized that I felt a great relief and was able to pull myself up and get busy with living again!

    As for recurrance? We all understand that fear too~ if you broke your leg, when the cast finally came off, you would no doubt be careful. But you probably wouldn't have the fear that you were going to have another cast any time soon, if ever! But with cancer? Well, in time, the other shoe waiting to drop stops being a steel-toed combat boot and truly does become a soft, baby shoe. Not all the way gone, but not all intrusive, either.

    Can you exercise at all? I know you commute an un-godly distance every day, but it would be sooooo good if you could find even half an hour to get those endorphins revved up! Is there sonmeone who could walk with you at lunch? Can you listen to audio books on your way to work? A thriller? An autobiography of someone you admire? Comedy tapes? Nothing heavy...but something to distract you and also free your mind and stimulate your heart!

    If it is more than situation depression..please avail yourself of help from your family doctor. Many, many, many of us have needed to take meds to get us back on track after this life-altering scare and battle

    And of course, there is always us! This amazing place is filled with compassionate, empathetic Kindred Spirits . I like to call it our Safe Place to land.

    Keep us posted; we really want you to find Life After Cancer a fullfilling place to be!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Amen, Chenheart ...
    Jealous .. Yes, this is me .. of anyone living day to day, worried about what their will be doing this week-end, making plans for next month's girl nite out .. etc ...



    Vicki Sam

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