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How to stay postive, when getting bad news after bad news (help)

lvnu2nt
Posts: 6
Joined: Sep 2010

Hello,

My first time posting.

I found out I had cancer(ovarian) 5years ago. went thru chemo, etc. things got better. found out last month it's back along with colon cancer. had surgery(explortory) end of last month went for follow-up Monday and now I have to have a hysterectomy. he wants to do it right away along with removing part of the colon.

first time fighting I was strong and keep family and friends strong. this time I feel like I'm losing this battle. I'm 30 and will never have children now, my husband couldnt deal with the fact of no children so he has left and filed for divorce, doctor said this time will be a hard to recovery. I have blood disorder also.

seems like this cancer is taking a part of me each time it comes back, along with the power to fight and stay strong.

I know this might sound funny to some. but the thing that fueled my fight was the thought of having a child.

thanks for your time in reading.

praying for a cure

davexx's picture
davexx
Posts: 55
Joined: Sep 2010

ivnu2nt,just read your post and want you to know someone is listening.I can't be much help but someone will be along.You have to keep up the good fight.My wife is in her final days and I can feel your pain.You are only 30 yo so plan for a long life don't give up.I,m not to good at this stuff but hang in there.Here's one supporter I'm sure you'll get many more.Best to you,dave

ps;you can always have a child.There are many unloved in this world.

lvnu2nt
Posts: 6
Joined: Sep 2010

Davexx, thanks for your kind words. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers.

Take Care

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I am sorry that you are fighting cancer once again at such a young age. Please, hang in there. You beat this once. You can do it again. I can understand your desire to have a child, but right now you need to take care of you. You can think about the possibility of adopting when you are healthy again. Your husband doesn't impress me with his choices. Yes, it is sad that you can't have children, but it isn't the end of the world. What happened to the in sickness and health thing? His concern right now should be you and your life, not his need to procreate. To desert you at this time is selfish and unacceptable. My prayers are with you. Just keep the faith. Fay

lvnu2nt
Posts: 6
Joined: Sep 2010

thanks for the prayers the do help. :)

I'm ok with my husband leaving. that shows his weakness. The reason is hurtful, that he was low enough to tell me the reason. I feel he should have just left.

I'm dealing with so many different emotions. some days I cant stop crying, each day seems so overwelming with different emotions. I'm trying to work, and stay busy.

thanks

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi,
I know how hard this is for you. I first had ca when I was 23, then returned at 41, now again at 55. It just keeps on coming in many different ways. My second time felt the worst for me. I was in hospice and not expected to survive. But as you can see, I am still here to fight another battle. Hang in , your a strong woman. Positive energy coming your way...

HeartofSoul's picture
HeartofSoul
Posts: 732
Joined: Dec 2009

Luvu2nt, were here for you, anytime to listen, advice, comfort and share. focus on the members here who have had recurrence's of cancer and at late stages who are not only here but living a life they hold dearly to their hearts. Cancer exposed what kind of person your spouse is and its better that any negative influence in your life is out of your life. together, we will get you thru this and when your in remission, all of us will be so happy for you

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

I am so sorry for all you have gone thru, there are no words that will take away your pain. But you have to fight , as for Children never ever give up hope these days anything is possible. We just never know. Right now you need to focus on you . It does not sound funny to me. I understand the feeling . I just know right now focus on you and getting better . Please take care of you and know no one thinks it is funny it is a real fear.
Bleaa you
Jennie

Noellesmom
Posts: 1298
Joined: Aug 2010

Somewhere, maybe today, a child is being born who is going to need a mother because her mother can't be there.

You are young, lvnu2nt. You have much work ahead of you and much good you can do in this world.

This is a bump in the road, albeit a big one from which you will learn many lessons.

I agree with dave - there are many children out there waiting for a mom to love them.

Get this business done and go find that child.

Hugs from one mom to another.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

I know how you feel when it is just one trauma after another. I just had another potential disaster thrown at me tonight and after over 20 years of one trauma after another and not many of the late effects from my treatments years ago ever being corrected it's just sometimes much too much.

Many of us on this list know how it goes, one thing after another after another and it builds.

I missed a phone call this afternoon and so just checked my messages an hour ago. To my total shock it was the endocrinologist I saw almost 2 months ago for a good workup to see what was going on with my endocrine system as I was having odd symptoms and this specialist I hadn't seen in years. Anyways these doctors don't just up and call a patient, they get their nurses to do it. So if you get a call directly from them it's worrisome to say the least.

This doctor then left me a nice little message. She said 'your tests that we did came back borderline so I would like to repeat the one 48 hour test so if you could call my nurse she will line you up with the things you need to do it again' click. BORDERLINE? WHAT'S BORDERLINE, WHAT WHAT???????? This message was left at the end of the work day and work week and I just got it so now I have to go through the whole weekend worrying and anxious. This doctor knows my complicated medical history and cancers twice, why the heck would she just leave me that kind of message? It's just cruel.

I know for a fact that this happens to many of us, it's happened to me before too with other doctors. Ya ya they were busy but for the love of gawd THINK. What good is served by saying I am borderline then not saying what even is borderline. I have a bad feeling this is diabetes she is talking about and since I have a biopsy coming up in a month or two for some weird symptom that has shown up in another part of my body, this is really just too freakin much.

Time to start on my anti anxiety meds again, I feel like I am in a state of shock - AGAIN. Just when I think I can't be traumatized any more than I already have been - along comes another one - or this time two at a time perhaps.

It never gets easier, new symptoms and new diagnosises and doctors who just don't think.

Ivnu I too am divorced, husband opted for an easier relationship than a gimpy wife like me, after 24 years of marriage and I have never been able to return to work due to the late effects of all the treatments. It's not unusual for this to happen to survivors so we aren't alone in this aspect either but that doesn't make it easier to take, knowing there are others like us who have been through that too.

You were talking about not being able to have a child now because of your cancer but really that isn't true. You can have a child after you beat this cancer. You can adopt. I did that and adopted two lovely children who are now on their way in life to careers and one is now engaged. My cancer was cured and I got to see them grow up, you can do that too. Adoption is a wonderful way to have a family and there is also the idea of surrogacy too, there are ways to have children if biological children are not possible. So, you still can reach your goal and have your dream. It's not the end of that dream, you might just have to take a fork in the road, that's all.

I hope all goes well for you, know you aren't alone in this traumatic journey, continue to blog here and there will always be those who will help you through. Blessings, Bluerose.

Tina Brown's picture
Tina Brown
Posts: 1054
Joined: Nov 2009

I am sorry to hear your story. Cancer is bad enough without all the other stuff that goes along with it.

It is not funny that you will never have a child naturally but you could always adopt or inherit some one day.

Some men are so shallow when it comes down to it. My husband is finding my cancer hard to deal with and we have no intimacy at all. I just wish he would be honest with himself and just go.

Keep posting and I hope things go well for you.

Tina xx

coolmom89
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2010

I am sure by now you have dealt with thing, but, I too have had yr 1..hysterectomy...year 2 breast cancer year 3 back surgery year 4 mets breat cancer of the spine...I have been thru alot of bad news..but, I have to have faith that no matter what I go thru, it is to 'help' someone else..idk the answer, but I cry alot and pray alot..and even get mad alot..but know if you need to talk, I am here..

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

My prayers are with you. Fay

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