Sep 22, 2010 - 12:08 am
Basketcase checking in! I'm home from the beach with my best friend. We had a great time and the weather was terrific. We got back this afternoon. It's been one month today since Charlie passed away. It is so hard being without him. All these well wishers telling me, "You'll get through this!" I know they mean well and are so sincere. I know I'll get through it (as I said before I don't really have a choice) and I don't sit around moping, crying and depressed all the time. It's just that I loved him so much and I need him and I miss him so badly. I used to tell him all the time that I wished it were me instead of him and I really meant that because I think I could have dealt with it better. Maybe not. Believe it or not I'm usually not the basketcase when it comes to me! Of course, being the type of person he was he'd always say, "I don't wish it were you instead of me!" I think I am going to call his oncologist's office and find out about the psyco-therapist that he told me comes to his office and works with patients and their families. He told me this after I told he was my life for 35 years and he said I know and then told me the above and if I felt like this was something that would help me, he wanted me to do this. So I will probably check that out in the next couple of weeks. I'm planning on going to see his parents for a few days Oct. 2 as I need to make that first trip in without him and get that past me. I have learned to crochet and am in the process of crocheting a blanket throw to donate to the oncologist's office for the chemo patients in Charlie's memory/honor as it gets so cold in that place! Of course, it is Carolina blue as Charlie was an avid Tarheel fan! I met a lady at Hilton Head that turns out to be from Decatur (I live in Lawrenceville, GA) and she lost her husband two years ago to lung cancer mets to brain and she told me it doesn't get any easier. Now, she keeps busy and doesn't mope around or anything and I understood what she was saying. It doesn't get any easier, but you do learn to put one foot in front of the other and go on as I know that's what he would want me to do, but it sure doesn't make missing him any easier to bear. But now he is cancer free and in a better place and even if he could he wouldn't come back and I know the Lord is with me in this and will see me through this.
Sorry to be so long winded tonight but I know y'all understand. Another good/close friend of mine is coming down Friday for the weekend and we're going to a craft show and just enjoy being together. She lost her husband almost 6 years ago. I'm so grateful for this network. I'll hush now and go watch a little TV before going off to bed. Till next post and God Bless and remember, "Don't ever give up!"