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Chatroom blues

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Just going to mention that you may be interested in knowing that chatrooms in general go through similar stages on the internet. Oftentimes issues arise that lead to hastles between some chatters but usually all settles out sooner or later.

When a chatroom's subject matter has heavy emotional issues it's bound to happen but hopefully anyone involved in disputes can resolve them and take the higher road and come back to the room with a better take on what is really at stake in it all.

We all have been given a wonderful tool here in this site, one that benefits anyone even remotely touched by cancer and it doesn't do anyone any good to leave this site because of some silly little cyber arguement. No one benefits from staying away from support.

I have been gone a couple of months but hear through the grapevine that there have been issues, not specifically mentioned but I don't want to know, just wanted to bring this subject up because it happens all the time in chatrooms. People can be very emotionally invested in this type of supportive chat and that sometimes distorts things and many misunderstandings can follow.

Take the high road you guys. Many people who have been recently diagnosed with cancer need your long time journies with cancer as needed information they can use, validation for their feelings and the commradery only other survivors can give them. Settle your differences and come back to why we came to this site in the first place, to give and get emotional support when we need it and join together in good fellowship to fight this dern disease and kick it's arse out of the water.

That's the bottomline. Right? Right.

See you guys back in chat, newbies are waiting for your help and wisdom. Don't let little tiffs keep you away. Again, this isn't unusual for chatrooms to have these kinds of issues but let's keep this site above all of that. What's more important?

Blessings, Bluerose

davexx's picture
davexx
Posts: 55
Joined: Sep 2010

bluerose, excellent post. I don't know your whole story but see you have been away for a while and were missed. I have read some of your posts and chats and you seem to have some good advice.I only found this site after much searching and I could'nt be more thankful.I am not much of a wordsmith so I hesitate sometimes but you have been very helpful.I also would have thought there would be more chatting on the board as I'm sure there are millions of people who should be participating. Maybe like me they hav'nt found it.Keep up the good work.Bless you,dave

ps:a little humor.My daughter just handed me a note about typing

Let's eat Grandma
Let's eat,Grandma
Punctuation saves lives. (smile)

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Your daughter made me laugh today with her little quip there, these days first thing in the morning - it's a miracle to make me smile, lol. Tell her thanks from me okay?

Thank you for the kind words but I am certainly not unique on this site you will find. Lots of people share common situations and symptoms as survivors and you will realize that more as you read the postings. It's wonderful to have people around who know what you are going through, understand and validate you too eh?

Like you I am always surprised that there aren't hundreds in the chatroom, especially during the day with so many at home with treatments and looking for support - even during early morning hours. I know for sure that these kinds of chats aren't well publicized and some chat has a bad name on the internet so people don't realize that there are helpful chats out there too.

I know also that some doctors tell their patients to 'stay off the internet' giving us no credit for having brains as to what bad sites to stay away from and that does a great injustice to their patients who could benefit so greatly from the companionship and validation of this site.

I enjoyed speaking with you in the chatroom the other day and hope your family is coping with your situation with cancer. Stay strong, you have alot of support around you offline and on. See you soon.

Blessings, Bluerose

P.S. I wasn't involved in the conflict in the chatroom, just heard it through the grapevine (no persons mentioned). I try to stay out of all of that kind of thing and stick to the bottomline of the site but I felt I had to say something cause alot of those missing due to this hastle are valuable members who could be helping so many others in there with their own experiences. Hope they reconsider in time and come back. It's a good chatroom though and this isn't typical of the way it can run.

rathgirl's picture
rathgirl
Posts: 147
Joined: Jun 2010

i originally came to this site for support from other survivors like me. i came to talk to people who know EXACTLY what i was going through. to talk about stuff that my family and friends didnt know feels like cause they havent gone through it. i wasnt expecting to get new family members when i started. i wasnt expecting to get a "big sister" or a momma moe. i didnt expect to get micknames like Ya or little like i did. i am so happy i have met everyone on here. everyone on here means so much to me. if i didnt have you guys i would go insane. i dont know what i would do with out everyone here. now i come here for someone to pick me up when im down. i come to talk to my friends/family.

the tiffs are rediculus(idk spelling). more now then ever. i have gotten to the point where i go to one room in the chat and stay there. i cant handle talking about cancer all the time and all the fights. the fights are pointless most of the time. lately its been about people being in other rooms other then the lobby. they complain about us being in there. its not like the rooms are private chat rooms. anyone is welcome. as for daves point lately. there are room dedicated to certian types of cancer, light chit chat, etc. i agree with dave that the lobby should be a meet and greet place and then people should disperse into the proper room that they are to be in. someone does need to be in the lobby at all times though to point newbies to the proper room where they can talk about what they want to talk about.
it is just getting out of hand everything that is going on. im tired of people meaning my friends getting hurt by others being disrespectful towards them and people being complete a**holes towards them because they dont understand what to do with the chat. all they are trying to do is help.

dave, rose, and dee you all are amazing people and thank you all!
love you!
rathgirl/little/Ya

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Just like out there in the real world there are people who love to take aim at others for all kinds of reasons and so it happens in cyberland too. If you see a fight breaking out in the room just leave and if everyone did that the fight would end quick. It always starts out with two people so let them solve it but if many get involved then it's a major issue.

The problem I see with fights in the chatroom is that newbies might come in and see what is going on, not get the input they need because they leave not wanting to be a part of what they think the room is always about. If there is an arguement I think the two people involved should go to private chat or pick an empty room to hash it out in and leave the general lobby alone for cancer issues. Sometimes we talk about other things in the lobby but whenever a new person comes in the focus should to to them in case they have cancer related issues they want to discuss. That's what they came to the site for.

Anywho that's how I look at it. Chatrooms go through this kind of thing now and again. It's kind of a power struggle for some people perhaps.

Got to run. Take care Rathgirl.

Blessings,
Bluerose

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Just saw your comment here on this posting, thanks for that. I wasn't involved in whatever battle took place but it's interesting you write now in early December because when I first made up the post it was over another fight that someone told me about that happened in the room and so I wrote this topic for a different upset in the room and now there is another one. lol. Disputes will come and go in all chatrooms.

I am glad you are finding the support you need on these boards Mylife and for the most part as you have already found out - people are great on here and are more than happy to help others where they can.

Talk to you soon.
Blessings,
Bluerose

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

Bluerose,
You said it beautifully, Thank you. I don't have cancer , my husband does. So for many like me, that need help in understanding things that are going on with our husband, wife or partner . The site has helped me so much. Thank you
I come to the site cause my husband is home . I think most can understand the feeling of being lonely. As a caregiver I stay home too. So it is one way I can talk and share my feelings. I cannot always say things the way I would like . Or as graciful as others. But I have managed to make friends on there. So each day it is a blessing to go there and chat with them. There are so many things in our heart and minds about what is happening in our lifes that others don't want to listen to or hear that we can no longer have a voice on the out side of here. We seam to have to act like nothing is wrong out side of here. So we come here for support and help . We find it ! Amazing people just amazing to me.
I care deeply about each and everyone I would not trade that for anything. Each person that finds there way here is here for a reason. they are scared and lonily, need help need understanding. Or at least I know I do.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Yes you will realize more and more how wonderful it is to have a place to go to, like this site, where people have truly walked a mile in your shoes and can validate you in your issues with this dreaded disease and can help you through all the stages it brings to a person and family.

Glad you found the site Zinnie.

Talk to you soon

Blessings,
Bluerose

davexx's picture
davexx
Posts: 55
Joined: Sep 2010

On the eve of Dec.2 a person came in o the chatroom lobby asking questions. She said
she was doing a study or paper on Alternative Meicine and cancer.She said she wanted to come directly to people who where involved.I feel she was very rudely treated and accused of being a snake oil salesman.She never made a pitch for Alternative treatment or any Meds. She was asking opinions.I dont know about reactions as I am a caregiver not a survivor But I wish I never had to be. I am now a widowed survivor maybe because someone did not give the right answers before.If you want a cure there must be Questions and answers.Just my opinion,thats all I have. Davexx

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1561
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Bluerose and Davexx,
Thank you both for your posts. I loved the Let's eat Grandma. Let's eat, Grandma. Funny! I have just realized that Davexx is a woman, and a widowed caregiver. The pic is of Dave. The xx is two kisses! Wow, you learn something every day. May you rest in peace Dave. Bluerose, you rock girlfriend! I have missed you on chat and these discussion boards! We three just have to keep doing what we have been. Helping others. If some people are not here for that purpose, they have to fly! Love you both and hope to continue to see you.
Tina in Va

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Good to see you again. I have been on and off the boards and chat. With Xmas coming now I am not on as much, my daughter is coming to be with me Xmas Eve and for half of Xmas Day so that will be fun. Making menus for all her reuested 'Mommy dishes' that she likes, lol. Finally have the apt in order, all the gifts are bought and wrapped and now just living with the owies from doing too much too fast, lol. You know how that is.

It's fun though to have one of the kids home for the holidays, this will be her last one home as a single lady, she gets married next summer. Waaaaaaaaaaaa my baby. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. lol.

Anywho nice to hear from you Tina. Talk to you soon I hope.

Blessings always,
Bluerose

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

I think I might be able to help you with your observation of that person who came in looking for answers and the way she was treated.

Over the years in the room people have seen many rude people who pretend to be cancer survivors/caregivers in order to gain info for their own purposes - writing a book or whatever. Some people in the room don't like that and they feel that it's not right to use the room for studies etc but the person who came in was honest and was being straight with everyone on why she needed to ask questions and I don't think that's such a bad thing. I think a few 'fakes' came in and spoiled it for others who just want to study suvivors but definitely some members don't like study questions in the room. I don't know if they feel they are being used or what. I have seen it happen a few times.
Sometimes I think it's almost like a 'net paranoia' when others start wondering why someone wants to know this and that and start to assume it's for unsavoury reasons or that maybe they are faking having cancer. The internet can be a strange world indeed from many standpoints.

Anywho I hope this explains a little more why that person was treated the way she/he was and personally I don't think it's right. Don't answer if you don't want to get involved in questions and answers or say you would rather not but no reason to be rude.

Dats my two cents.

Hugs Dave,

Bluerose

greta's picture
greta
Posts: 240
Joined: Jun 2000

I really appreciate attempts to keep the peace in chat. Please don't ignore rude or abusive behavior, report it! It is also a violation of site terms and conditions for researchers and journalists to question or study members or to recruit them for research studies.

Best,
Greta
Your CSN staff

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

That helps to clear it up for newbies who come into the room and are faced with questions from researchers and journalists alike - gives people a polite way out to by telling them that that isn't allowed according to the site rules and regs.

I think too though that if anyone is faced with this situation it is best to tell the person who is asking all the questions in a respectful and informative way rather than to cause a rukus by staging a fight and calling down the person in question. That's what is really bothersome to whoever is also in the room at the time, especially newbies who are there to seek info and help - looks like a room of chaos and fighting rather than a healing place.

Thanks for the help Greta.

Blessings,
Bluerose

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