so much for help from my family!?!

heidijez
heidijez Member Posts: 441
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
yesterday my mom and my sister went with me to my appt with the plastic surgeon. they were supposed to go with me today for my pre-op tests and the mastectomy teaching class. well, they went home this morning - couldn't handle it! the photos the ps showed upset my sister and she convinced my mom leave.

i have had to deal with everything by myself since this all started last december - they couldn't even spend two days with me!! i have surgery on the 15th and will have to have someone from my church take me to the hospital and then bring me home!!

i can't believe that they don't understand that i need some support from my family - i don't kbow what else to say.
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Comments

  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    I am so sorry Heidi.
    My heart goes out to you. I can't believe that your Mom left too. Couldn't they have stayed and your sister not go with you today? It's hard for me to imagine having to go through this alone. You are defintely in my prayers. Remember we are all here for you. Hugs, Jean
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    HUGS
    Heidi -

    I just don't know what to say except that I will be with you today as will all of your sisters here.

    I just can't imagine how disappointed you must be. Sometimes our loved ones just can't take the reality, and they don't seem to realize that we sometimes wish we had the option to just not deal with this, but we must deal with it and be stronger than, not angry at.

    Know that you will never really be alone because we will always be with you, holding your hand.

    Love and Hugs,
    Cindy
  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399

    HUGS
    Heidi -

    I just don't know what to say except that I will be with you today as will all of your sisters here.

    I just can't imagine how disappointed you must be. Sometimes our loved ones just can't take the reality, and they don't seem to realize that we sometimes wish we had the option to just not deal with this, but we must deal with it and be stronger than, not angry at.

    Know that you will never really be alone because we will always be with you, holding your hand.

    Love and Hugs,
    Cindy

    So sad Heidi
    This touched my heart to the core. If I were there, I would go with you, hold your hand, and cry (and laugh) with you. I cannot imagine being alone during this most difficult time. I'm glad you have friends at church ready to step in and fill the gap. All of us here are ready to offer whatever support and comfort we have to give. My prayers go out to you.

    {{{{{{GROUP HUG}}}}} Gracie
  • Solstice Girl
    Solstice Girl Member Posts: 3
    We'll be with you :)
    Heidi,

    I know how much this must hurt and at the same time how infuriating it can be.

    I had surgery just a couple of months ago and was shocked that neither my sister (a nurse-go figure) and my best friend didn't even call to see how I was. In fact I didn't hear from either of them until just recently.

    I'm told its because they're scared. They're afraid for their own health and ultimate mortality and they're afraid to face the reality of your illness and the possibility that they could lose you some day. Okay - I get that! However! This should NOT be about them - ITS ABOUT YOU! And I personally believe that people should work through their fear and awkwardness with the situation and just bloody be there for the person who needs them!

    I'm sorry you have to go through this - but you won't be alone. Along the way you will find people who really care. I discovered my next door neighbours (a sweet elderly couple)called several times when I was recovering and now they check up on me almost every day like I'm their daughter or something. Again - go figure! Angels are everywhere!

    But most of all you will be amazed at how you find the strength within yourself to face this ordeal. You will emerge a much stronger and wiser woman. (A nice side effect of cancer).

    I'll be thinking of you on your surgery day! Promise!

    Solstice Girl
  • wendybia
    wendybia Member Posts: 73
    soooo sad
    Heidi, you're not alone we are all there with you in spirit. I'm in CT where are you ?
    Wendy
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    wendybia said:

    soooo sad
    Heidi, you're not alone we are all there with you in spirit. I'm in CT where are you ?
    Wendy

    Solstice Girl -- you are so right when you state that 'we'
    WARRIORS find strength within ourselves and grow during our breast cancer journey's. I am sadden by the reaction of familyh members - or those like myu sister who said "it's only hair" and will grow back - or you like 'OK' bald .. no compassion is the first thing that comes to mind.

    We have a choice as adults -- we can chose our families - they really don't have to be blood related. Seriously!

    Best of luck, Heidi and I wish the best possible results for you.

    Next time - ok .. here I go again .. If sister and mom want to visit .. let them know that they need to be the strong ones now .. You need support and love, your plate is full and it's time your concentrate on your health and recovering from this Beast.

    Stay strong for Heidi -- don't let family get you down, or detrail your fight!


    Strength and Courage:

    Vicki Sam
  • cavediver
    cavediver Member Posts: 607
    sorry
    Heidi, I am so sorry for your disappointment...but you are strong, you can do this! Now you have to concentrate on you, not on others weaknesses to assist. We are all here for you and will be with you in spirit and our prayers for you. Glad you have a church member to drive you, that is important. Take advantage of home nursing care post surgery ...most insurance will cover it. Be strong, and know we are all with you! Hugs
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    cavediver said:

    sorry
    Heidi, I am so sorry for your disappointment...but you are strong, you can do this! Now you have to concentrate on you, not on others weaknesses to assist. We are all here for you and will be with you in spirit and our prayers for you. Glad you have a church member to drive you, that is important. Take advantage of home nursing care post surgery ...most insurance will cover it. Be strong, and know we are all with you! Hugs

    So sorry for your family's neglecting you
    Unfortunately, people can be selfish. But, the girls said it all--angels are definitely everywhere. I found so many people willing to do so much for me--some I barely knew. Where are you located? We are all with you in spirit and you are in our thoughts and prayers.

    Wishing you positive energy, strength and courage as you go through this journey.

    Hugs, Renee
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    missrenee said:

    So sorry for your family's neglecting you
    Unfortunately, people can be selfish. But, the girls said it all--angels are definitely everywhere. I found so many people willing to do so much for me--some I barely knew. Where are you located? We are all with you in spirit and you are in our thoughts and prayers.

    Wishing you positive energy, strength and courage as you go through this journey.

    Hugs, Renee

    I wish i could be there
    I wish i could be there physically for you but you know we are holding your hand through this. HUGs!
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    not alone
    Heidi you are not alone, we may not be there physically but we are here to support you emotionally we know what it is like to have cancer and supporting each other for me at least comes is an honor.

    I am sorry your mom and sister cannot keep in together long enough to give you a bit of help during this most difficult time. Perhaps you could call Mom and tell her that you need her, perhaps she could come see you without your sister since she seems a tad squeamish. I am glad you have people from your church that are willing to be there for you, that is a true blessing.

    Hugs to you and may your Mom come around soon!

    (¯`v´¯)
    .`*.¸.*RE´
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    Being squeamish and helping
    Being squeamish and helping out are two different things. Providing a ride doesn't involve anything squeamish. Helping around your house would have been an non-squeamish thing also. They didn't have to view squeamish stuff just help when they could. I'm squeamish too so I know how they feel but also know when to not look or sit down and put my head down.

    You can also call the ACS about someone to help with rides to treatment. They have volunteers. There are also support groups. If your family doesn't want to help than find friends who will. You can't pick your family but you can your friends.
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    Heidi I can't tell you how
    Heidi I can't tell you how sorry I am. There just isn't words. I can't imagine not having my sister or husband through this. As I sit here crying for you I wish there was something I could do. Were are you having your surgery? You are in my prayers and thoughts. I know it isn't worth much when you are alone but I am with you in spirit. {{{{{WARM HUGS}}}}}} Kay
  • greyhoundluvr
    greyhoundluvr Member Posts: 402
    Heidi -
    I am so sorry. I know how excited you were to have their support for these events and it is so disappointed that they didn't stick by you. As the others have said, we will be there for you both during your surgery and after. I would suggest that you make your doctors aware that you will be by yourself after surgery so they can properly evaluate how soon you should go home. Many of us who have been through this surgery know that it is often looked at as being equivalent to the McDonald's drive through....my doctors and the hospital really left it up to me how long I stayed but I have heard from others that they were pretty aggressive about sending them home. I wish you the best...

    Chris
  • mwallace1325
    mwallace1325 Member Posts: 806
    So sorry
    I'm so sorry they couldn't stay with you. Hopefully knowing we're all with you at every appointment in spirit will be some comfort. Also, I'm sure you'll get lots of support from the members of your church.
    Remember, we're here for you.

    marge
  • sausageroll
    sausageroll Member Posts: 415

    So sorry
    I'm so sorry they couldn't stay with you. Hopefully knowing we're all with you at every appointment in spirit will be some comfort. Also, I'm sure you'll get lots of support from the members of your church.
    Remember, we're here for you.

    marge

    So Sorry
    Heidi, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sure we have all been surprised at the actions or lack thereof of some of our friends...but you needed family support. As many have said...we cannot be there in person...but just imagine large numbers of us there with you at every appointment and every treatment. Take care and keep in touch.
  • prettywoman513
    prettywoman513 Member Posts: 20 Member
    I am so sorry to hear about
    I am so sorry to hear about your family. Where are you living? If u aren't too far from Texas i can be there for you. My heart breaks for your pain.
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member

    I am so sorry to hear about
    I am so sorry to hear about your family. Where are you living? If u aren't too far from Texas i can be there for you. My heart breaks for your pain.

    Family sucks sometimes
    Your mom caters to your sister because she got upset looking at pics. As if sis needs her more than you. What about you, you are the one having to actually go thru the surgery. I had a few family members also walk out because they couldn't handle it, to bad we dont't have that option.
    Moms ought to know better.
    Forget about mom concentrate on yourself. All the best on the 15th.
  • MerleBee
    MerleBee Member Posts: 49
    I'll Help!
    Heidi,

    I live in South Jersey...I don't know where you live but if it is even remotely close I will help! The others are right. You truly learn what people are made of when you are fighting the beast. some will break your hearts, but others you didn't even realize will come out of the woodwork to help you, support you and love you!

    Merle
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    Heidi
    I'm so sorry that your family doesn't understand the meaning of family support. It's their loss. I'm glad there is someone from your church to take you. And yes you can call your local chapter of ACS and they have volunteers. I know it's not the same but you do know that we'll all be there for support. Wishing you the best on the 15th.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • heidijez
    heidijez Member Posts: 441
    Thank you to all you lovely ladies!
    it's weird, my sister spent my childhood trying to convince me that i was adopted. if i didn't look just like my father (although i was not aware of that as a child), i would believe that i really was adopted, since i am not at all like my siblings!!! but as you know, we cannot choose our family.

    i know i will get through this, and you ladies make it possible. i feel your love and support and am very happy you are here!

    p.s. I live in Wisconsin, halfway between Chicago and Milwaukee.