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A Heartfelt Thanks

Jan Trinks's picture
Jan Trinks
Posts: 449
Joined: Apr 2009

Hi all:

Basketcase checking in here. I've been on my own since Sat. now and it is very hard. I miss Charlie so much! The visitation and service were beautiful and so many people came by and to the funeral. Our church provided a luncheon after the service and it was just great! His brother and I spoke at the funeral service which was tough, but we got through it! One of the things his brother said was that Charlie had told him, "I've not shed a tear and I'm not going to" and he never did (that was probably because I was such a basketcase and one of us had to be glued together!) I received a very nice letter from the oncologist saying that even if we had pulled him through this acute illness, he still faced a very difficult time with his cancer in the future and that at least now we could say his suffering was over. He went on to say he faced his illness with a great deal of courage and it was an honor to have been his physician these past two years.

I'm now in the midst of handling all the financial details that go along with this. So far, everything's gone pretty smoothly. I will still continue to post and reply. Ain't no way I'm forgetting any of y'all! And let me tell all of you how grateful I am for your prayers, words of encouragement, sentiments, etc. It has meant so much to me to be a part of this network. I wish I could meet everyone of you and give you a big hug. My sister is coming back down this Thurs. and staying till Sat. and I will take her back to Chatt. where I will spend the Labor Day weekend with my best friend and her family on the lake; and then I'm going to Hilton Head on 9/16 with them to their older son's condo for about 5 days. I have my moments of course and I know that is going to happen, but as quirky as it may sound there is some comfort in the fact he wanted to be creamated and I have the urn here at home and that is some comfort. We never did discuss where to scatter ashes and he was a big Tarheels fan and I'm a big TN fan so couldn't do it in Knoxville or Chapel Hill so I've decided after everything calms down to make my wishes known with pre-arrangement and be cremated also and then maybe by that time I'll have figured out where to scatter us and we can be scattered together! My prayers are with all of you and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my csn buds to turn to! Thanks so much. God bless and my love to all of you!

Jan Trinks

delnative's picture
delnative
Posts: 452
Joined: Aug 2009

You've been through so much, my heart goes out to you. I'm so glad that the good people on this site have been some comfort to you, and I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that we'd all gladly return the hug.
Cancer sucks ... and yet it has a way of connecting us to the things that really matter. I pray that God will hold you in the palm of His hand and guide you through these difficult days.

--Jim in Delaware

RushFan's picture
RushFan
Posts: 217
Joined: Aug 2010

I'm relatively new here...and I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your gracious post.
God be with you till you meet again...

Chuck

Kimba1505's picture
Kimba1505
Posts: 557
Joined: Apr 2010

Jan,
Your message to all of us is beautiful. Thank you for that. It sounds like you have wonderful people around you that will carry you through this initial time of grief. We are all here for you as well, and it is wonderful to hear you plan to check in and contribute and continue to support us. How amazingly complete that seems. My most gentle thoughts are sent your way as you move through this time.
Kim

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8053
Joined: Sep 2009

Jan, my words could never compare to the feelings that I have. I can say though, that the strength you have within you, though you may not realize it, is huge.

Keep your love and strength strong...
God Bless,
John

Kent Cass's picture
Kent Cass
Posts: 1746
Joined: Nov 2009

You are a blessing to us all. Know it. At this time, perhaps you should keep Charlie very much in mind, going forward. What would he want you to do, regarding this, or that, etc. Will take some time to get fully back on your feet; but, when you do, I know Charlie would want you to keep moving forward with the life you want to live.

Believe

kass

CajunEagle
Posts: 353
Joined: Oct 2009

Being that my wife and I met at the front of Ayres Hall in the Fall of 73, we obtained permission for our ashes to be dispensed on the UT-K campus if we so desire. It was the start of our professional/friendship/marital life together on that "hallowed hill". It will be up to the survivor to decide, or our only child. Go Big Orange.

Larry

Dragons7-7-2010's picture
Dragons7-7-2010
Posts: 79
Joined: Aug 2010

Jan,

I am new here but wanted to send condolences so sorry for your loss.

Missing lost we love is so hard. I can relate.
I lost my dad in 2003 not from cancer, but congestive heart failure and it was really tough for me. You are right to wait until things calm down to make major decsions. One thing I learned from losing my dad cause we were so close and alike. Little things reminded me of him and brought me comfort..like one day buying stamps the stamps had antique cars on them and my dad was into antique cars so here I am at the post office and started to cry. I am sure all the people in the post office thought I was insane. But like this wonderful CNS family, once your in it nothting is quirky it just is what it is. Now I own my own house and everytime something goes wrong and needs fixing I just say ok Dad what should I do and he is there with me in spirit.

As for cremation, before my diagnosis a friend of mine lost a close friend who was on another battle wth dreaded cancer. Her friend was cremated and it really brought things into perspective for me as her friend could not decide where she wanted her ashed scattered so they ended up coming with a plan to split them and scattering them in multiple places (where she once lived on the west coast, here in Texas, a favorite retreat center, etc.) but they saved some so that she could be scattered with another loved one at a later date. I just wanted to share that as I thought it a very touching idea. Though of course it goes without saying it is a personal / individual decision. And in some instances the permission of the owner of the property where you want to scatter them.

And while she was a pet greyhound dog, (to some not the same as a human loss) my Alice was lost to cancer this saturday and I am having her cremated and the ashes returned and for me it is also some comfort in knowing she will be coming home to me again. Alice was part of my heart and always will be since she helped me through the initial phase of my cancer diagnosis and treatment.

Thoughts and prayers go with you as you move forward in your journey of life.

People like you on the discussion are a source of support to us new comers.

Eileen Cibil

Jan Trinks's picture
Jan Trinks
Posts: 449
Joined: Apr 2009

Eileen:

Do hope you are doing well and thanks so much for the kinds words. I have three dogs, two shelties, Rowdy and Blue and a dachshund, Sammy. They are somewhat settling down now since it's just me and them; but Rowdy has had a rough time since his "Daddy" is gone. He has definitely reacted and is right there with me when I have my "moments". The shelties are 12 and the dachshund is 3 1/2. Our other two shelties Smokey and Bandit are buried in our backyard. Pets (for us animal lovers) are so important and mine are a real source of comfort and companionship right now. Thanks again.

Jan

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

I suppose there are some who can and will say it better , but my heart is with you , and has been since I can on board. I am sorry that you have had such a hard time , it does not seam fair at all to me I know life is not fair. I wish you comfort . I wish We all could understand what each person suffers when we loss someone we love. I am glad you have friends around that will help you in the moments that are sad.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Jennie

Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1580
Joined: May 2009

Jan,

You are an incredibly strong woman, I know you will still have your moments for a long time but after reading your post I feel that you have the strenth to make it through them. It's so painful for all of us when one of our survivors pass and I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and always will be. I'm very happy to hear that your friends and family will be with you for the next few weeks to help you through this.

My best to you,
Glenna

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5608
Joined: Apr 2009

It is hard to express in words the sorry that we all feel. Charlie was a real hero he fought with everything he had and that is the way I will remember him. Please remember that you too are a filmily member of this site and your care giving experience and knowledge is greatly needed to help others still in the fight.

God be you
Hondo

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