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Don't want to cause a fight

teacher9
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2010

So here goes, I'm ready to take my husbands head off. As his caregiver I do A LOT with little help from friends. This week is his good week after chemo, he seems fine. He had promised to do all the cooking this week so I can relax, he has not cooked one meal yet. I have worked in my home office for 4 hours today, been to 2 doctors for myself, and now I am leaving to conduct a skin care class. He has been sitting at home playing video games in his man cave, which BTW I have been asking him to clean up even before the cancer. I think that the reason I am really noticing it today is that my beauty business is my part time job and I have off this week from my full time job. So I am home all day, working.
What is the nicest way I can ask him to do something!!

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

Your husband may be experiencing reactive depression because of his illness, even subconsciously. I know when I am depressed, I can't bring myself to do anything, which is probably why I've remained single since 1985! He might benefit from professional counseling and a cancer support group for men dealing with genital malignancies.

Good luck!

Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!

Rick

Davepet's picture
Davepet
Posts: 92
Joined: Dec 2009

There is just *so* much we don't know here. First, I'd like to know what type of chemo is he getting? If it's BEP what course of treatment is he in? Each course kicked my butt worse the the previous one. There were many days where I couldn't come up with any reason to *not* get up & do something, but I just simply couldn't make myself do it either.

Please keep in mind that he is receiving a *very* intense treatment that takes a lot out of him. Some guys also have emotional problems dealing with having TC (or any cancer, but testicular cancer seems to hit many in a "soft spot" so to speak ;o)

The other thing is how helpful was he before the TC treatment? Is this a big departure from his normal activities or was he always more likely to be found playing video games than doing chores?

As far as the nicest way to ask? Well you say "please, if you feel up to it can you.....?"
Don't fill in the blank with some vague "help out more". Fill it in with specifics like "take out the trash today" or "get the chicken in the oven tonight by 5PM" be specific & avoid lists of chores. Unless he was not very helpful before, he'll try to help if the task is doable for him & he feels up to it.

Rest assured, once he's past the chemo, he'll eventually return to being himself again. Being a caregiver isn't an easy thing to do. It's possibly even harder than actually being the cancer patient. The good news is it should be temporary for both of you.

Dave

teacher9
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2010

Thanks guys, its funny after I posted this he just started some cleaning on his own. Go figure.

Davepet's picture
Davepet
Posts: 92
Joined: Dec 2009

I had good days & bad days throughout my treatment & for a month or two after. Sometimes just getting dressed would leave me so out of breath I had to sit down for half an hour before going to the next step. Other days I felt fairly normal, but I didn't have many of those after the third course started....

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