Today is not a good day

tjohnson2310
tjohnson2310 Member Posts: 168 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Today is not a good day. I feel so sad. The feeling of why am I going through this has returned. I wish I did not have to deal with this. I want my life back before cancer.
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Comments

  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    Oh, we all do
    from time to time. I'm so sorry today is not a good day. Tomorrow might not be much better, BUT it's gonna get good again, it pretty much always does.

    I know when I'm down sometimes it's good to just stay in it and feel it. It goes away faster that way:)

    A big huge hug to you.

    xo,
    Victoria
  • JanInMN
    JanInMN Member Posts: 149
    Those days are hard. I have
    Those days are hard. I have them too. I hope tomorrow is better for you! Sending a big hug!!!
  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003
    JanInMN said:

    Those days are hard. I have
    Those days are hard. I have them too. I hope tomorrow is better for you! Sending a big hug!!!

    I want my life back too.

    I want my life back too.
  • MNLynn
    MNLynn Member Posts: 224
    I have gone through such
    I have gone through such feelings of depression . . . during treatments and after . . . I know connecting with the others here on this site has been a great comfort - everyone here really does understand all the emotions that go along with cancer. I pray that you will feel that caring that is so much a part of this board . . . we are here for you . . . you are NOT alone. I think back to a year ago - or even to last Christmas - before my dx - who would have ever known that I would have gone through all of this by now. When you talk about having your life back before cancer - I definitely feel that my life has the "before cancer" and the "after cancer dx" dimensions. But I can't change that - no matter how much I wish I could. So many people have health issues that they are forced to deal with - this, I guess, is mine. I hope you have family & friends who support you - and you KNOW that you have everyone here on your side - supporting you through all of this! Sending thoughts & prayers . . .

    ♥ Lynn ♥
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    MNLynn said:

    I have gone through such
    I have gone through such feelings of depression . . . during treatments and after . . . I know connecting with the others here on this site has been a great comfort - everyone here really does understand all the emotions that go along with cancer. I pray that you will feel that caring that is so much a part of this board . . . we are here for you . . . you are NOT alone. I think back to a year ago - or even to last Christmas - before my dx - who would have ever known that I would have gone through all of this by now. When you talk about having your life back before cancer - I definitely feel that my life has the "before cancer" and the "after cancer dx" dimensions. But I can't change that - no matter how much I wish I could. So many people have health issues that they are forced to deal with - this, I guess, is mine. I hope you have family & friends who support you - and you KNOW that you have everyone here on your side - supporting you through all of this! Sending thoughts & prayers . . .

    ♥ Lynn ♥

    you want the life you had
    you want the life you had before you "knew " you had breast cancer. You had more cancer then , than you do now and its potential to harm you is less now. You had a threat and you didnt even know it. I have days like this, all the sudden the enormity hits me, but I know it will pass. today I was feeling anxious, and I comforted myself with the fact that tomorrow would be better. This as hard on the psyche as it is on the body. better days are coming. :)
  • Hubby
    Hubby Member Posts: 325
    In the thick of it
    This phase; smack dab in the middle of chemo is rough on Donna and me. It's torture!! I feel like you put a tape recorder in my room and taped my conversation with my wife.

    Bob
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    Sorry your having a bad day :(
    We all would love to have our life back. We all go thru these emotions and just need a little more encouriagement to give us that little push we need to get thru it.
    I cant begin to imagine what you are going thru but you may have just hit another bump in the road but soon it will smooth out again.
    Keep your head up and keep fighting!
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    :-(
    2310 I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a bad day. I know you want the life that was before cancer, that is not a possibility. That said I want you to know that there is life after cancer and it can be a good life. I have had cancer for years (13 of them) and yes some years have been rough, but more have been rewarding, fun, uplifting, joyful and worth fighting for. Please tell your doctors that you are feeling more sad than is tolerable (if that is the case) and they can determine if there is medication to help you to adjust to your new normal. I truly hope tomorrow is a more joyous day for you, please come back in and let us know how you are doing.

    Hugs,

    *´¨)
    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ RE
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    RE said:

    :-(
    2310 I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a bad day. I know you want the life that was before cancer, that is not a possibility. That said I want you to know that there is life after cancer and it can be a good life. I have had cancer for years (13 of them) and yes some years have been rough, but more have been rewarding, fun, uplifting, joyful and worth fighting for. Please tell your doctors that you are feeling more sad than is tolerable (if that is the case) and they can determine if there is medication to help you to adjust to your new normal. I truly hope tomorrow is a more joyous day for you, please come back in and let us know how you are doing.

    Hugs,

    *´¨)
    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ RE

    Hubby its torture because
    Hubby its torture because you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there in the distance. each chemo brings you closer to a healthier Donna.
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    carkris said:

    Hubby its torture because
    Hubby its torture because you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there in the distance. each chemo brings you closer to a healthier Donna.

    Hubby / Bob
    I agree with carkris...just hang in there...you two have come this far...soon youll start seeing that light again and then wonder what all the fuss was about.
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    It's OK
    to have a bad day. Not fun, but normal and much healthier to recognize and "sit" with your feelings than to ignore or pretend you feel "just fine" when you don't!!

    Just remember you are not alone. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. And tomorrow is a NEW beginning!

    Hang in there. This too shall pass:)

    Sally
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    Aw I'm sorry
    I would like my life back too. I have them days I just feel them and think all the way through. At the end of it I'm better ( cancer free ) and seeing my life whole again. And Carkris is right the threat is less now that we know and can fight it. My surgeon told me that I probably had this cancer for at least 5 years.
    Like Sally said there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Lets run for it together. Kay,
    Love you all
  • tjohnson2310
    tjohnson2310 Member Posts: 168 Member
    Thanks
    Thank you all for your support. Your words mean so much.
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    Hang in there girlfriend!
    I had one of those days a couple weeks ago. Thankfully I have all my CSN sisters (& brothers) to help me through it. It turned out, I just needed to get it out of my system and I was fine. So SCREAM, cry, whatever you feel like...go ahead...do it! We are here for you. Hugs, Jean
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    Hubby said:

    In the thick of it
    This phase; smack dab in the middle of chemo is rough on Donna and me. It's torture!! I feel like you put a tape recorder in my room and taped my conversation with my wife.

    Bob

    Bob
    Sending positive thoughts & prayers to you and Donna. Hang in there, you both can do this!!!!!
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    PERSEVERE!!!
    I say spoil yourself ROTTEN today! Chocolate, fuzzy shoes, juicy gossip magazines,
    chocolate, a long walk, favorite music, hate letter to cancer, spaghetti and meatballs,
    buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers, cuddle a cat or dog -whatever is nearby,
    make prank calls and then deny it when they call you back!!

    you get thrift! Above ALL love yourself!!

    HUUUGE Hugs

    Ayse
  • new2me
    new2me Member Posts: 177 Member
    I know how you feel
    I went to the gym yesterday for a Zumba class but could only do 40 minutes of it. When I went in the car I was upset - Normally I can wiz right through those classes with out any problem now it took everything I had to get through the 40 minutes. I started crying, I want the old me back - the active me. But then a peace came over me and I realized that I will be my old self again just a matter of time. But first I have to get well. so I began praying and Thanking God for every wonderful thing in my life... and I felt so much better.

    Kelly
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    jo jo said:

    Sorry your having a bad day :(
    We all would love to have our life back. We all go thru these emotions and just need a little more encouriagement to give us that little push we need to get thru it.
    I cant begin to imagine what you are going thru but you may have just hit another bump in the road but soon it will smooth out again.
    Keep your head up and keep fighting!

    We all are going to have bad
    We all are going to have bad days, I mean, really bad days, but, you can't let it over take you. Look at what you have accomplished in your fight! Be proud of that and look forward to a long and wonderful life, cancer free!!!!!!


    Sue :)
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    new2me said:

    I know how you feel
    I went to the gym yesterday for a Zumba class but could only do 40 minutes of it. When I went in the car I was upset - Normally I can wiz right through those classes with out any problem now it took everything I had to get through the 40 minutes. I started crying, I want the old me back - the active me. But then a peace came over me and I realized that I will be my old self again just a matter of time. But first I have to get well. so I began praying and Thanking God for every wonderful thing in my life... and I felt so much better.

    Kelly

    First of all, Kelly I am impressed that you spent 40
    minutes at the gym .. Way to go, Girl!!! - Zumba class .. love that idea. It's been just over 1 year since finding out I've had breast cancer .. Chemo - 18 weeks straight, herceptin chemo continued on ... for 1 year ... last Herceptin/chemo is this Friday, 8/20 .. 5 surgeries all 2 minor.. What a year its been. Didn't drive a car for 9 months .. just started to drive short distances .. Lost my 2 big toenails, unable to wear tennis shoes .. due to the bleeding .. but I made it to the finish line of TCH chemo, just about finished with my Herceptin .. now I have 1 minor surgeries (port out), and 1 major surgery -- to fix my reconstructed breast .. and I am back to normal -- whatever that means ..

    Normal .. just pondering the thought, as my Onco and PS have told me it's will take me 3 years to travel outside the USA, due my fatigue and infinity to contact Staph infection .. so perhaps my normal is just getting up, driving and taking a walk ..

    Normal to me .. is being thankful for each day without chemo, rad's or surgery .. It's means I can drive to my local grocery store, purchase items for dinner and attempt to make dinner .. that's my normal and I embrace it ... I do push myself, however, I end up in bed for several days .. tired, crampy and depressed .. Oh well, my life .. More importantly -- I am dancing with NED everyday, until I am exhausted, something I tend to forget and take for granted ...!!

    Vicki Sam ♪
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    VickiSam said:

    First of all, Kelly I am impressed that you spent 40
    minutes at the gym .. Way to go, Girl!!! - Zumba class .. love that idea. It's been just over 1 year since finding out I've had breast cancer .. Chemo - 18 weeks straight, herceptin chemo continued on ... for 1 year ... last Herceptin/chemo is this Friday, 8/20 .. 5 surgeries all 2 minor.. What a year its been. Didn't drive a car for 9 months .. just started to drive short distances .. Lost my 2 big toenails, unable to wear tennis shoes .. due to the bleeding .. but I made it to the finish line of TCH chemo, just about finished with my Herceptin .. now I have 1 minor surgeries (port out), and 1 major surgery -- to fix my reconstructed breast .. and I am back to normal -- whatever that means ..

    Normal .. just pondering the thought, as my Onco and PS have told me it's will take me 3 years to travel outside the USA, due my fatigue and infinity to contact Staph infection .. so perhaps my normal is just getting up, driving and taking a walk ..

    Normal to me .. is being thankful for each day without chemo, rad's or surgery .. It's means I can drive to my local grocery store, purchase items for dinner and attempt to make dinner .. that's my normal and I embrace it ... I do push myself, however, I end up in bed for several days .. tired, crampy and depressed .. Oh well, my life .. More importantly -- I am dancing with NED everyday, until I am exhausted, something I tend to forget and take for granted ...!!

    Vicki Sam ♪

    new normal
    I try to make my days full of things I enjoy. I never really did that before. My world is smaller, but I find joy in clean sheets. and good healthy food, and being with m y family. I love nice soft clothing, I like to look at pretty things. do fun things I am no pollyanna, I never will be 'glad" this has happened to me. How did I get this and to this extent? like boobs gone wrong BIG TIME! But darn it I am going to enjoy what I can. and do what brings me happiness. In the past I thought about everyone first. now I think of me too. not JUST me but ALSO me. being selfish is not my MO either. Its a work in progress for sure, but we get there. My energy level was so much better until I had the zometa last friday, so that will get better too.