Is the end near?

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lilli1020
lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
If it is true what the dr. say, three to six months to live, then October will be deadline. He gets sicker, then better, then sicker...back and forth all of the time. I, as caregiver, am totally depleted emotionally and physically. Is there a med for that? To top it off, I just found out yesterday I have to have a core biopsy on a nodule density in my right breast. Will it ever end? What is God thinking? I dont even want to get out of bed any more....much less wake up. I have nothing to look forward to and just want a life back. Just trying to take care of myself like everyone says..it is soooo hard. Some days I could care less about everything.

God, please help me......Gayle

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  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
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    Gayle
    Gayle,

    When all we have is difficult things, it is hard to remember how sweet life can truly be. That will come to you again - you are exhausted emotionally and physically right now.

    What is God thinking...what God is thinking is how much He loves you. We are creatures of free will and even if we make the most excellent decisions on life and living and taking care of our bodies, the havoc our ancestors may have done is something we also have to live with. God is right there with you through all of this. It is not His plan that you or your loved one suffer.

    October is not a "deadline". It is a calendar month and that is all. How long he will live depends on many things besides a doctor's educated guess.

    I will pray, Gayle, that you have peace and rest and love surrounding you. If there is a church near your home, please call them - the church I attend does not care if you are a member or not - they just want to be there for you and help in any way they can. I pray you find a church like mine in your area.

    Also, please consider calling hospice. There are some which do not charge and they have resources to help support you during this time. You do not have to go through this alone if you do not choose to.

    Gentle hugs to you.
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #3
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    Welcome
    Hello Gayle and welcome to our caregiver's discussion board. I was a caregiver for my dad. He passed away this March from esophageal cancer. I have been where you are. You have done everything you can for your loved one. You have to take this one hour at a time. Take the good with the bad. This is a normal feeling for you to have. There are medications out there that help with anxiety and depression. You can also seek help from a counselor. You have to try your best to take care of yourself. Your loved one needs you to be strong and positive. Try your best to think positive about your biopsy. Do not jump the gun. It will be what it will be, and you will have to deal with it. I am hoping you have some family or support team. Sounds like you need to take a well deserved break. Know that we will always be for you here. Keep in touch. Peace to you.
    Tina
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
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    Roller coaster
    The roller coaster ride for the caregiver can seem never ending. It is hard to have so little control over your life and the life of a loved one. I have been there. My husband passed away after a 6year battle with colon cancer. Sometimes it feels like everything that can go wrong does. Add in personal health concerns and life really gets hard. Some days I found that it just seemed like way too much to deal with. One thing that worked for me at times was to literally say,"God, I can't can't deal with this today, so I am turning part of it over to you. Today you can carry me." I thought about the footprints in the sand story. I am sure you have seen it. Well, there were days when I needed to be carried. I still did what I needed to do, but I felt more at peace. I don't know if that would work for you or not. If you have not already consulted a doctor about a possible med. for depression, now might be a good time to try that. You are going through a tough and often overwhelming time. There is no shame in seeking help. Come here to vent when you need to. You are not alone. There are many here who have experienced pain and that caregivers roller coaster ride. And, I'll add my take care of yourself advice as well. I know that that is often the hardest thing to do, but it is important. Fay
  • 1blessedamongus
    1blessedamongus Member Posts: 15
    #5
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    gets sick then better then sick again
    To Lilli My husband has been feeling really well for the past 4 days-able to walk and eating so today I am thinking I may be able to go back to work this weekend for a few days but just last week he slept for 2 whole days and did not eat but a bite or two every few hours. I can tell I am so much more stressed today because I am worrying about what will be or could happen if I go to work and he gets sick while I am gone(my dtr will be with him)SO my stress always shows up in the same form-a Crick in my neck and back. On the days he is very sick I start worrying about when he dies I just don't think I can handle it. It is an emotional roller coaster. I do know one thing from being the caregiver to someone who suffered with depression for several years that there are way too many medications on the market for depression for you not to benefit. Medication for depression for my husband literally saved his life and our marriage several years ago. Please don't be ashamed to ask for it.
  • 1blessedamongus
    1blessedamongus Member Posts: 15
    #6
    Options
    gets sick then better then sick again
    To Lilli My husband has been feeling really well for the past 4 days-able to walk and eating so today I am thinking I may be able to go back to work this weekend for a few days but just last week he slept for 2 whole days and did not eat but a bite or two every few hours. I can tell I am so much more stressed today because I am worrying about what will be or could happen if I go to work and he gets sick while I am gone(my dtr will be with him)SO my stress always shows up in the same form-a Crick in my neck and back. On the days he is very sick I start worrying about when he dies I just don't think I can handle it. It is an emotional roller coaster. I do know one thing from being the caregiver to someone who suffered with depression for several years that there are way too many medications on the market for depression for you not to benefit. Medication for depression for my husband literally saved his life and our marriage several years ago. Please don't be ashamed to ask for it.
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #7
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    Noellesmom said:

    Gayle
    Gayle,

    When all we have is difficult things, it is hard to remember how sweet life can truly be. That will come to you again - you are exhausted emotionally and physically right now.

    What is God thinking...what God is thinking is how much He loves you. We are creatures of free will and even if we make the most excellent decisions on life and living and taking care of our bodies, the havoc our ancestors may have done is something we also have to live with. God is right there with you through all of this. It is not His plan that you or your loved one suffer.

    October is not a "deadline". It is a calendar month and that is all. How long he will live depends on many things besides a doctor's educated guess.

    I will pray, Gayle, that you have peace and rest and love surrounding you. If there is a church near your home, please call them - the church I attend does not care if you are a member or not - they just want to be there for you and help in any way they can. I pray you find a church like mine in your area.

    Also, please consider calling hospice. There are some which do not charge and they have resources to help support you during this time. You do not have to go through this alone if you do not choose to.

    Gentle hugs to you.

    We are now on hospice and
    We are now on hospice and their pastor called us today. They have been such a help for us both. I know God is there for me, it's just in this time of great frustration and hurt, sometimes I question things...I think we all do at one time or another. When your are at the bottom as I am right now, I don't think too straight and it's so easy for me to get messed up in my head.

    Thanks for your thoughts!!
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #8
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    1blessedamongus said:

    gets sick then better then sick again
    To Lilli My husband has been feeling really well for the past 4 days-able to walk and eating so today I am thinking I may be able to go back to work this weekend for a few days but just last week he slept for 2 whole days and did not eat but a bite or two every few hours. I can tell I am so much more stressed today because I am worrying about what will be or could happen if I go to work and he gets sick while I am gone(my dtr will be with him)SO my stress always shows up in the same form-a Crick in my neck and back. On the days he is very sick I start worrying about when he dies I just don't think I can handle it. It is an emotional roller coaster. I do know one thing from being the caregiver to someone who suffered with depression for several years that there are way too many medications on the market for depression for you not to benefit. Medication for depression for my husband literally saved his life and our marriage several years ago. Please don't be ashamed to ask for it.

    I have been on
    I have been on antidepressants for more years than I care to think about. I also take ativan when I feel really stressed, but it just takes away any energy that I have. I also think I won't be able to handle it when he dies, but I can't handle what he is going through now either so at least I know he will be at rest and peace and his body won't be to horrible vessel it has been for 4 months now. I am thinking it will be a blessing and God will have to get me through the loss and I will have to cross that bridge when I get to it.
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #9
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    lilli1020 said:

    We are now on hospice and
    We are now on hospice and their pastor called us today. They have been such a help for us both. I know God is there for me, it's just in this time of great frustration and hurt, sometimes I question things...I think we all do at one time or another. When your are at the bottom as I am right now, I don't think too straight and it's so easy for me to get messed up in my head.

    Thanks for your thoughts!!

    Our thoughts
    You are absolutely right, Gayle. When everything seems to be going wrong, we can get turned around pretty quickly!

    I'm glad you called hospice and they are helping you.

    Just remember always that even when things seem very dark, morning will come. There are so many people who read your words and think about you and your loved one and pray for you.

    His eye is on the sparrow...
  • 1231kath
    1231kath Member Posts: 7
    #10
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    GAYLE,
    MY HUSBAND HAS
    GAYLE,

    MY HUSBAND HAS PROSTATE CANCER GONE TO BONE, WE HAVE BEEN FIGHTING THIS BATTLE SENSE 2004, ONE WE WILL NOT WIN, THER ARE DAYS I TAKE 5 MINUTES AT A TIME TO GET THROUGH. I HAVE HAD TO FIND SOME KIND OF LIFE FOR MYSELF IN ORDER TO GET HIM THROUGH ALL THIS, SO I TOOK UP SEWING,AND I HAVE FOUND SO MUCH PLEASURE IN IT, I MAKE THEM FOR CHILDEREN. TRUE SOME DAYS ARE UGLY, LIKE DRIVING TO HOSPITAL WITH HIM IN BACK SEAT THROWING UP, HIM SO CRANKY WITH ME, I TOLD THE NURSES I COME WITH HIM JUST TO SEE HIM BE NICE TO SOMEONE. BUT ALL IN ALL I KNOW ITS JUST THE MEDS. GOD AND I TALK ALOT I KEEP TELLING HIM I WISH HE AND I WEREON THE SAME PAGE. I KNOW HE IS WITH US EVERYDAY.

    I WILL PRAY FOR YOU, WE ALL HAVE TO HANG TOGEATHER. KATH

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