Jul 31, 2010 - 12:45 am
Wow. After reading this through... it's pretty depressing. I just thought I'd put in a disclaimer, so if you're looking for warm, inspirational stories. This one isn't it. :(
My mom died (at age 62) from bile duct and colon cancer 8 days ago. She was diagnosed 11 months ago, and she "perfectly health" except for the cancer. (So the doctors told us.) Three weeks ago she went into the hospital with severe abdominal pains, the next week she was moved to a hospice facility. Then she died after a week of being there. (We had gone shopping and out to lunch the week before she went into the hospital.) Two days before she died she was sitting up in a chair laughing at the doctor and making jokes. I wasn't there when she passed away. After sitting with her for a week, I went to work a half day. She passed away after I was at work for 2 hours. I'm only 26 and she was my best friend. She was the glue that held our small family together, and I feel most of that pressure has been put on my shoulders. I feel lost and unbelievably sad everyday. I just returned to work yesterday, and I'm so sick of hearing people say how sorry they are for my loss. And then that makes me feel guilty for feeling that way. I realized last night that I will never get to have another conversation with her about our tv favorite shows again, and it was a whole new gut wrenching blow. It really is the little things... and I can't wait to be able to take a deep breath without feeling like I'm missing half my heart.
I guess I just needed to say it "out loud." Everyone says they are there if you need to talk, but I don't think anyone (my friends/family) want to hear how absolutely devastated I feel. Does anyone else feel like their friends just try to make you "feel better?" I don't think anyone can make me feel better, and it's annoying to hear them try. Am I insane for feeling this way?