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after almost 3 years my moms fight is over

petppetp's picture
petppetp
Posts: 14
Joined: Nov 2008

after almost 3 years my moms fight ended a week and a half ago. i was with her all the way...every doctors visit, every chemo appointment, every ER visit, and every hospital stay. the last 2 weeks in the hostpial were especially rough, but i got her wish granted to be taken home to pass away there. she left me/us only a day and half after coming home.

funny, it hadnt rained here in over a month, but the day we brought her home and the day afterwards it was pouring nonstop. and the night before she left the power in the house went out!!! that has never happened before. i just kept saying to myself, "God, she aint going without a fight!!!!!'" lots of weird supersticious things like that have happened since...kinda reminds me that everyone knows how special of a woman she will always be to me, and that she watching over me.

in a weird sort of way im grateful for those last two weeks. spending 14-20 hours a day by her side in the hospital really helped me connect with her and tell her everything i always wanted to say to her. i mustve told her i loved her over 1000 times :)

the last 10 days have been a blur, from arranging funerals, memorials, church services, grave sites...etc its all been such a rush. im lucky to have a godmother who is almost superhuman, shes been so helpful with everything and with talking to my dad...i wouldnt know how we could've gotten through this without her.

since then, sometimes i feel sad, but sometimes i think of her and smile or laugh at all the wonderful times we had together. i just try to keep myself busy, sitting home can be especially rough sometimes. these past 3 years have changed me as a person. i really do appreciate life more, i dont get upset very easily, and im just a more positive person. i'll probably stress out in about a month when i try to get a job though. i quit my previous job 3 years ago to take care of her...it wasnt a big deal, i worked on wall street and the market collapsed soon after i left...talk about good timing!!!! yet another one of those superstitious things i was talking about earlier :), but i'll just think of all the courage and strength she had to help motivate me and keep me going.

anyway, im ranting. id like to thank everyone at csn.cancer.com...this place has been a TREMENDOUS help during our battle. i never wanted to know so much about cancer drugs/treatments, but now i do!!!! LOL i'll pop in every now and then, maybe i can share my experiences with other people going through this fight too.

thanks and God Bless all of you.

s'agapo mama mou, pantote the se'xo stin kapdia mou kai mazi mou.

(thats greek for; i love you mom, youll forever be in my heart and with me)

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I am sorry for your loss. I can understand your feelings about the last few days. As sad as those were for me when my husband passed away, I still look back at the love and sharing that we had and felt during that time. Friends visited, we took a trip to Yosemite, we laughed at memories. They are good memories I will always treasure. We left nothing unsaid. Our loved ones will stay forever in our hearts. We are so lucky to have had them in our lives. Fay

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