Need your support
I was finsihed with active treatment last September for DCIS. Had all the 6 month imaging done and the MRI saw something fishy so I have another scheduled soon, as well as a bilateral mammo and ultrasound, then follow up visits with oncologist and rad onc. But I'm going to have to put those off a bit.
New job, more responsiblity started July 1. Lots can be done online, but there are a few deadlines for which I need to be in the office. Missing deadlines means we get fined 9$$), no exceptions. My superior is brand new too so we are learning this together.
My father is almost 88 and had a heart attach last week as hubby and I were on vacation in Oregon, from our home in AZ (avoiding the 110 degree heat). He has NO family in upstate NY where we all used to live. Got "the call" and flew there as soon as I could. He was released after 2.5 days but had congestive heart failure symptoms so I took him back on Saturday. I think he will be released today. I must stay until my brother can get here, then fly to Phoenix to try to make the deadline. I would have been there today to get the work done, but....
My older brother can only stay a few days, long enough for me to do my work I think. We don't know if Dad will need care after that. Everyone is adking me if I will fly back to NY to stay with Dad after my brother leaves. But my husband and dog and travel trailer are still in Oregon where we had planned to stay until mid-September. I have to fly to Phx to meet another deadling in mid-August for a few days. My younger brother would get fired from his hard-found job if he took time off.
I feel like I am being pressured from all sides, and I'm not even a year out from my treatments yet. I'm on Tamoxifen and dealing with severe leg cramps at night as well as hot flashes all day long, although Effexor has helped relieve their frequency somewhat. Now I have a sinus infection. That's what happens to me when I get stressed, like right after diagnosis last year! I have to go pick up Dad at the hospital (40 miles away) and bring him home. He's still pretty capable, but scared now.
Your words of support will mean the world to me. I know some of you have gone through much worse and come out the other side OK. And I know I will too. Thanks for the place and shoulders to vent upon!
~~Connie~~
Comments
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My thoughts & prayers are
My thoughts & prayers are with you, Connie. You have SO much going on!
My own parents are 89 yrs old, and cannot get around by themselves anymore. I am very lucky to have a sister that lives close to them who does so much for them - I live 3 hrs away from them. But, if one of them has to go to the hospital, I would be down there asap. Both of my parents had been in the hospital quite a bit a couple of years ago - I am glad that they have been doing ok while I have had this bc stuff going on.
And a new job and such unforgiving deadlines . . . I don't know if I could handle the stress. I guess it also depends on how much you enjoy what you are doing in your job.
Please, for you own sake, follow up on your mammo as soon as you can!
But, do know, that I am thinking of you and hope that your dad does well after he comes home from the hospital. I hope you can find some time to relax and catch your breath!
Sending thoughts & prayers your way for you and your family . . .
♥ Lynn ♥0 -
Sending positive vibes
You've got the support coming your way! I am the same way. I never think stress is taking its toll but when I think back to the very stressful times in my life, I too was sicker than normal with colds, aches, etc.
I lost about 25 lbs when my dad was dying and was actually skinny (first time lol). Gained most of it back quickly when he died as much of that feeling like there was "something I should do anxiety" immediately dissipated. I hope that doesn't sound weird?
Anyway, you sound very normal to me. Just take the time for yourself when you can. Maybe join a yoga class, take a painting class, whatever relieves your stress.
And let us know how you are doing!0 -
Thoughts and prayers
Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
You've got so much on your plate right now, remember to take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of anyone else.
Is there a possibility of your Dad staying with either you or your brother until he's better, or would that be more difficult.
Please follow up on your mammogram as soon as possible.
Keep us posted.
marge0 -
I always say that I wish I
I always say that I wish I had "magic" for all of us~ in lieu of that, I hope you feel all of the cyber hugs and support being sent your way. Life just never seems to want to be simple,does it? When we think that we can isolate ourselves and take care of us~BAM!
I cannot begin to know the stress you feel, sweet sister, but I hope that you seriously steal some time for yourself. An hour here for a pedicure...with your eyes closed, having lotion rubbed on legs and feet, or an hour there, stopping at an outdoor cafe ( unless its a zillion degrees!)for a cuppa tea, or at the very least, indulge in a bubble bath, copmplete with a soothing background CD and candles. It won't alleviate the medical,work, and family related issues, but it is necessary to revive YOUR spirit! Caregivers are like sponges~ if you give, give, give, you will dry up and not be of use to youself or anyone else. Rehydrate yourself as much as possible...and taking baby steps really does help.
Hugs and well wishes!
Chen♥0 -
Oh my..chenheart said:I always say that I wish I
I always say that I wish I had "magic" for all of us~ in lieu of that, I hope you feel all of the cyber hugs and support being sent your way. Life just never seems to want to be simple,does it? When we think that we can isolate ourselves and take care of us~BAM!
I cannot begin to know the stress you feel, sweet sister, but I hope that you seriously steal some time for yourself. An hour here for a pedicure...with your eyes closed, having lotion rubbed on legs and feet, or an hour there, stopping at an outdoor cafe ( unless its a zillion degrees!)for a cuppa tea, or at the very least, indulge in a bubble bath, copmplete with a soothing background CD and candles. It won't alleviate the medical,work, and family related issues, but it is necessary to revive YOUR spirit! Caregivers are like sponges~ if you give, give, give, you will dry up and not be of use to youself or anyone else. Rehydrate yourself as much as possible...and taking baby steps really does help.
Hugs and well wishes!
Chen♥
First, please get your mammogram and ultrasound as soon as you can. Those are two things that you just can't let go. Your health is so important, not only to yourself, but, to those that love you. ( which includes all of your sisters in pink here )
Second, I cannot begin to comprehend all that you are going through right now. You most certainly have way too much on your plate. I can't imagine having to cope with all that is happening in your life now.
I do hope that you can get some help with your Father. You just can't take on everything all by yourself. You have been through so much yourself that you need to make sure that you are ok too.
Sending you lots of prayers and hugs.
Please keep us updated on how you are doing.
Sue
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Hi Connie
Wow--you certainly have a lot on your plate right now. We all wish we could be there to help you. I agree with all the others--please, please try to get that mammo ASAP. You have to take care of you first, before you can help all the others. I live in AZ also, but was born and raised in upstate NY. Where in AZ do you live and where were you from in NY? My 86-year-old mom still lives there and she was recently in the hospital for 2 weeks. Being in treatment right now, I could not get there. So I know the anxiety and helpless feelings you may be having. I hope you have many friends and family who can help you share your burdens. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Also, jobs will come and go, but if you don't take care of your health first and foremost--none of it will matter.
Warm thoughts and prayers go out to you.
Hugs, Renee0 -
Hi Connie, I'm so sorry thatchenheart said:I always say that I wish I
I always say that I wish I had "magic" for all of us~ in lieu of that, I hope you feel all of the cyber hugs and support being sent your way. Life just never seems to want to be simple,does it? When we think that we can isolate ourselves and take care of us~BAM!
I cannot begin to know the stress you feel, sweet sister, but I hope that you seriously steal some time for yourself. An hour here for a pedicure...with your eyes closed, having lotion rubbed on legs and feet, or an hour there, stopping at an outdoor cafe ( unless its a zillion degrees!)for a cuppa tea, or at the very least, indulge in a bubble bath, copmplete with a soothing background CD and candles. It won't alleviate the medical,work, and family related issues, but it is necessary to revive YOUR spirit! Caregivers are like sponges~ if you give, give, give, you will dry up and not be of use to youself or anyone else. Rehydrate yourself as much as possible...and taking baby steps really does help.
Hugs and well wishes!
Chen♥
Hi Connie, I'm so sorry that you have so many things that you have to deal with right now. I know how difficult it is to make the right decision for everyone. It may be the right time for your dad to move to a senior living facility, a place where he can still have independence but where he may receive at least some prepared meals and where there will be someone keeping an eye on him. It could be in his hometown or near one of his children. My mom moved near us but was in a senior facility: she maintained her independence but was close for holidays, doctors' appointments, etc. She also was able to socialize much more in the facility than she had been able to at home (especially during the tough winters in Northern NY).
Is there a discharge nurse/social worker that might be able to help you find a safe place for your dad, or help you to line up the appropriate services for him? They were extremely helpful with my mom.
I know that a lot of your stress is caused by your inability to be three places at once. I know that I felt a lot of guilt about not being able to stay with my mother at her home, because that's what she wanted. But, I think that she was actually happier where she felt safe but she could still have her independence.
Joyce0 -
Hi Connie
So sorry about
Hi Connie
So sorry about your dad and wow you have alot to deal with right now, just dont let yourself get to run down cuz i just did this. I know its hard not to cuz you want to be there for your loved ones and your job. Just take care of yourself first!0 -
Hi Connie, It's so hard tojo jo said:Hi Connie
So sorry about
Hi Connie
So sorry about your dad and wow you have alot to deal with right now, just dont let yourself get to run down cuz i just did this. I know its hard not to cuz you want to be there for your loved ones and your job. Just take care of yourself first!
Hi Connie, It's so hard to be a caregiver when your healthy. You sure have a lot to deal with. You must take care of yourself, because if you don't you will not be able to do any good for you Dad. I wish I had an answer for you, sending prayer.0 -
Connie~
In reading all that's going on, I truly empathize with you. I'm so sorry everything seems to be colliding at the same time.
Please know that you are being prayed for. I'm asking God to fill you with HIS peace that surpasses human understanding.
Just breathe, one day at a time...sometimes one hour at a time.
Keeping you close in thought and continuous prayer,
Sylvia0 -
Hi Connie,
I dont know what
Hi Connie,
I dont know what other advise or what else I could say that everyone here has alread said. They have all given really good suggestions. I cant imagine what you are going thru. All I can add is I too will be praying for you to find a solution that will work for everyone. In the mean time take care of you and dont put off your exams.
Lupe0 -
ConniePinkpower said:Hi Connie,
I dont know what
Hi Connie,
I dont know what other advise or what else I could say that everyone here has alread said. They have all given really good suggestions. I cant imagine what you are going thru. All I can add is I too will be praying for you to find a solution that will work for everyone. In the mean time take care of you and dont put off your exams.
Lupe
Remember you can not
Connie
Remember you can not take care of others unless you take care of yourself. If something happens to you what then? My only other advice is meals on wheels. They come by daily (can make sure everything is ok) and your father has a hot well balanced meal that he did not have to fix or clean up. Just a suggestion to possibly get you some breathing room. Prayers comming your way.0 -
Connie, I am so sorry that
Connie, I am so sorry that you are going through all this. What a stress!!
Is there anyway you can relieve the pressure that is on you? Is it possible that your dad could get some inhome care, or move in with your brother or you for a while? Does your dad have to stay in his own home while he is recovering? I know this might make it easier for him to stay in his own home but not for you or your brother. You need to take care of yourself. Perhaps you, your brother and hubby can do some strategising and come up with a solution that can be shared.
On another note, if this is what needs to be done, then just take it one day at time and take care of yourself. Make sure you eat well and get the rest you need. I wish you well. My heart goes out to you.0 -
Oh, mymariam_11_09 said:Connie, I am so sorry that
Connie, I am so sorry that you are going through all this. What a stress!!
Is there anyway you can relieve the pressure that is on you? Is it possible that your dad could get some inhome care, or move in with your brother or you for a while? Does your dad have to stay in his own home while he is recovering? I know this might make it easier for him to stay in his own home but not for you or your brother. You need to take care of yourself. Perhaps you, your brother and hubby can do some strategising and come up with a solution that can be shared.
On another note, if this is what needs to be done, then just take it one day at time and take care of yourself. Make sure you eat well and get the rest you need. I wish you well. My heart goes out to you.
You have an awful lot on your plate right now. Too much. Take a breath. And prioritize. Then do each thing that must be done. One at a time. Thinking about the totality is overwhelming.
I do hope, though, you'll reconsider postponing your tests. As you know, they're pretty important. But I understand the desire to get rid of something -- anything. Just think about maybe finding the time to take care of YOU.
I wish you peace and a spot of time to call your own.
Victoria0 -
Dear Connie
I'm adding my positive thoughts and prayers to the rest of the pink sisterhood. When it all gets too crazy, just close your eyes for a moment, take a deep cleansing breath, and feel all of us sending peace and strength to you.
(((Big Hugz)))
Cindy0 -
Dear Connie,cindycflynn said:Dear Connie
I'm adding my positive thoughts and prayers to the rest of the pink sisterhood. When it all gets too crazy, just close your eyes for a moment, take a deep cleansing breath, and feel all of us sending peace and strength to you.
(((Big Hugz)))
Cindy
I feel so bad that you're going through all this. Sending hugs and positive thoughts.
God Bless,
Wanda0 -
Sorry Connie that you all ofcindycflynn said:Dear Connie
I'm adding my positive thoughts and prayers to the rest of the pink sisterhood. When it all gets too crazy, just close your eyes for a moment, take a deep cleansing breath, and feel all of us sending peace and strength to you.
(((Big Hugz)))
Cindy
Sorry Connie that you all of this has happened to you. Praying everything works out!
Please do get your mammogram.
Hugs, Leeza0 -
Sending you positivecindycflynn said:Dear Connie
I'm adding my positive thoughts and prayers to the rest of the pink sisterhood. When it all gets too crazy, just close your eyes for a moment, take a deep cleansing breath, and feel all of us sending peace and strength to you.
(((Big Hugz)))
Cindy
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,Jan0
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