I have been really focused on trying to maintain a positive attitude while moving though this maze call GRIEF...
Now today for no apparent reasons....no triggers...not working today...lots of down time...and out of the blue comes the cloud...
Bill and his death are right up front in my mind...every place I look brings another memory...I know this is normal and I know that I am moving forward....but I simply don't understand where this comes from.
I am not stressed out...my life is basically set...all the planets are in alignment..so why do I still have these dips?
It makes me wonder if the counselor is right...that in essence I am still trying to hide from the finality of it all...in spite of knowing it in my head...guessing my heart has yet to get the memo...and now today with having so much down time...its hotter than blazes out and I was hunkered down in the AC with my Kindle...but I am thinking that I am leaving the door opened for the grief to creep in..because I have not kept busy...so I am hiding/running from the memories.
I am really ok..just so darn confused....ahhhh..this too shall pass...I guess I just wanted to pubically acknowledge that I am still a work in progress....I am far from done dealing with losing the best part of myself....cancer bites !