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It must be the waiting or tapering off HRT...

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3179
Joined: Jul 2010

I am now in the 4th week of tapering off of the Premerin(as per order from Dr.) She wants me off HRT before starting my treatment...(1 pill per week). No pill for Thurs..Fri..Sat..and Sun.(this week). Back on a pill this Mon and Tues and then off Wed...etc etc. It must be messing with my hormone balance because alot of little things are bugging me that didn't before. Of course I'm still waiting to hear about the BMB results so I'm anxious about that. Wondering what kind of treatment I will be getting....anxious about that, and on and on! I am not one to complain or whine, but find myself doing exactly that! Hubby is being sooooo patient and I hate adding new worries, stress or problems to what he already knows is going to be taking place in the near future....chemo...tired..sick..etc. I keep getting in these moods where I say" geeze Louise, why me?"...or sometimes I even yell (when I'm home alone)"I don't want this cancer in me"!!!Grrrrrr! Tonight I'm all weepy and crying over stupid little things...computer seems slow...too many stairs down to the family room...hair won't go right...just dumb stuff is making me cry. I'm really a mess! The only good thing I can think to say is that my hip feels fine and is hardly sore. Yippee! Sorry, sorry...I just need to go to sleep and shut my brain off...easier said than done...UGH!..Sue

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Sue,
I imagine it is a combination of everything. So much stuff goes thru your mind at a time like this. Even after treatment starts it does not end. You wonder if it is working,what the next round will be like,will it be better or worse etc. etc. It gets to the point it all overwhelms you and you start to mentally break down at times. Some,Iguess handle it in a different way, but it is still on their minds. I know it is on my mind all the time. You can find other things to occupy your self, but then it flashes thru your head again. The mind is so powerful and it more or less controls everything in the way we look at things. John

vinny59's picture
vinny59
Posts: 1030
Joined: Nov 2006

Hey Sue I hear you, it is a very emotional roller coaster ride, but I have found that you can't waste any energy on the things you can't change. It may seem crazy now, but you will find inner strength to get you through it!!!!!!!! Not to sound cocky but I have been through it before, I will get throughit again God willing!!!! Stay Positive, laugh a lot!!!! Vinny

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3179
Joined: Jul 2010

Your both right. Today is a "NEW" day...and I've already made some adjustments. Hubby and I went out for breakfat and then took a litle ride. Thats more than what I did yesterday. I need to get out more and quit isolating myself to home. Each day I need to tell myself..Vinny...John...Mary...Beth, etc are here for me. They are doing it and SO CAN I! There is strength and safety in numbers. I promise to do better!
God bless us all!...Sue

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Sue, you are doing just fine. We all went thru it and still are. Good days and the bad days.

Tracie1981's picture
Tracie1981
Posts: 125
Joined: Mar 2010

Yep, like Cobra said, We are all going through it or have been through it. I've definitely had days where I layed around and cried. I think I whine more than my daughter does most days :) It gets easier with time though, you kinda get used to it. Take care and God Bless!

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

I certainly did my share of crying too. I would sit in the chat room and type and cry, cry some more, type and cry and whine. People there walked me through it and showed me how to enjoy humor, get me laughing.

It's a process. We'll be there for you!

Beth

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 596
Joined: Jun 2010

I'm still waiting on my treatment plan as well, I have stage iv. So... boy can I relate. I'm trying to work (last week I worked the entire 5 days and was quite proud) but when I get home I am more tired than I have ever been in my life, plus my abs hurt from the lymphoma there. So I fall apart. Then I get up the next day and do it all over again and try so hard to have a normal day forgetting that hey... this is the "new normal". So I then adjust my thinking and give myself a break! Vinnie is right - laughter is soooo good for you. I'm also finding great strength in the love and prayers of friends and even friends of friends. (Not to forget this sight as well!!)

One other thing that I am going to do (hopefully before treatment) is to go on a spiritual retreat. I figure that in order to fight this with both barrels loaded I need all the spiritual strength I can get!

God bless and know that you can definately do this. Be kind to yourself, laugh,love and let people hold you up. (BTW I have one of those totally supportive husbands too... we are really blessed!)

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Mine are in my abdomen as well. I have the soreness at times too. I wonder if it is the tumors shrinking that cause it. It worries me at times. What do you think? John

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 596
Joined: Jun 2010

John,

Has the ab discomfort changed since you started treatment? I haven't started treatment yet so I think mine are pressing on something, very deep ache. Also, have you ever bent over and when you come up something in your ab feels "caught or stuck"? I've had that for awhile and am wondering if it is related... seems like it must be.

I would think that as you get treatment and the tumors shrink it sould cause new symptoms. Make sense to you?

How did you feel this week?

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

HERES THE DEAL WITH ME. I NEVER HAD ANY DISCOMFORTAT ALL BEFORE TREATMENT. I DID FEEL A TIGHTNESS IN MY BACK WHEN I WAS DRIVING. I COULD FEEL THE LUMPS IN MY STOMACH WHEN I LAY ON MY BACK. AFTER I STARTED TREATMENT I FELT THEM START TO MELT ALMOST RIGHT AWAY. BE RIGHT BACK

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

AS TIME WENT ON I FELT THEM GET EVEN SMALLER. THE ABDOMEN ACTUALLY STARTED TO FEEL SOFTER. THE TUMORS WERE 5 AND 6 CMS. I HAD OTHERS IN THE SAME AREA THAT WERE SMALLER. I GUESS ALL BEING TOGETHER IS WHY I COULD FEEL THEM. TRY LAYING ON YOUR BACK AND PRESS IN THE CENTER OF YOUR ABDOMEN AND SEE IF YOU FEEL ANY THING. LATELY I HAVE BEEN FEELING SOME SLIGHT PAINS IN THAT AREA AND WAS WONDERING IF IT WAS THE TUMORS SHRINKING AND OTHER ORGANS MOVING AROUND. JOHN

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3179
Joined: Jul 2010

I haven't even started treatment yet and my tummy does weird things.Looking back, it's been doing this off and on for over a year or better...(before being diagnosed). It always feels like I have a pair of pants on that are too tight around the waste...make sense? I can be standing in the shower naked and I swear it still feels like I have something around my waist thats too tight. Also...after two or three bites of food (any food) I start to feel full and then a twisting feeling occurs like someone is opening and closing their fist in my belly. I've always been a little bit hyper, so I kind of figured this feeling was attributed to that. The last few times I've eaten mixed nuts from Costco they have really intensified the twisting feeling so I've decide not to eat nuts anymore. I'm thinkin it's the cancer and tumors causing this discomfort....what do you think?

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Sue,I know what you mean about the tightness. I had the same feeling as well. Mine was mostly in the back, but I did feel like my pants were to tight at times. Sometimes I feel it in the lower right and left areas in the front of the hip area. Feels like a funny movement and even aches at times. Its not that bad but is a little uncomfortable. I believe it is the tumors that are making the difference, but not positive. Its the only thing I can relate it too. John

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 596
Joined: Jun 2010

Hi,

I feel like I have a band going around my lower ribs upper abs, also (this might sound like TMI but...) I can't stand wearing a bra anymore, I wear tank tops. Can't stand the pressure. Sounds like some of us have varying degrees of the the same tight feeling...

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3179
Joined: Jul 2010

Me too...in the exact place you are talking about. I have not been comfortable in a bra for quite some time. I wear a weird soft granny type bra thats fits very lose around my my chest. I also sit with a soft pillow scrunched under my boobies for support when I'm watching t.v...reading...and at the computer. I'm small chested thank goodness so at least I don't have alot of bounce to worry about...ha!

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3179
Joined: Jul 2010

Thank you onlytoday....I know I'm not alone and appreciate everyone being here. Please share when you start your treatment...I'm anxious to learn and hear how each one of us fare with our treatment programs. We WILL progress in a positive direction! I'd say I feel that in my bones....but I better wait to say that until my BMB results come back....ha!ha!

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3179
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Beth....As soon as I sent my whiney message off to the group I wanted to reach in my computer and grab it right back...ha! It's nice to know more than one of us has tear drops on our keyboards. Each day gets a little better and I know there will days I slip back a few steps. Indeed.. this cancer business is a process! Thank goodness for all of you!....Sue

friendm7
Posts: 6
Joined: Jul 2010

Know what you mean Sue...it's 4:12 in the morning here and I'm on here instead of sleeping because my brain is in overdrive. You have alot on your plate and as you mentioned to me in a previous post, it's common to be an emotional wreck. That's O.K.; however, it's extremely important that you get your rest. Lay down and take a nap today and go to your "happy place". You WILL GET through this...I need you as I help my wife prepare for this road to recovery. Mark

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3179
Joined: Jul 2010

Thanks Mark...I'll be here. Last week was just a bad week and it all caught up with me by Friday. First the BMB test on Tuesday and then my oldest sons boss passed away the day before from lung and liver cancer. He lived 17 days from the time he was diagnosed. I'm sure theres alot of info that hasn't been shared with people outside of his family, but it was still scary and very up-setting for all of us. My prayers will be with you and your wife as she goes in this coming week for treatment...Good luck!....Sue

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Sue, Sorry to hear about your sons' boss. I hear stuff like that all the time and my mind slips back to the 60's and 70's era. It is frightening to say the least. I got to remind myself over and over this is 2010 as hard as it may be to do. We have lymphoma and not an internal organ disease. What we have is treatable and manageable. It seems like that is all I hear anymore is cancer of the lungs,liver,pancreas,kidneys,stomach,esphogas,breast. These cancers are terrible,not saying ours is by any means a picnic. Even after saying all that as soon as I hear about someone else losing a battle it starts all over again. Believe me you are not alone. John

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3179
Joined: Jul 2010

Hey John...One of the hardest things right now is trying to shore up all of my family. My oldest son (40) was doing pretty good until his boss died. I had to sit him down and explain that my vital organs are not involved at this time. This cancer takes alot out of everyone. I share every bit of information I can with them in hopes of helping them all deal better. My youngest son (30) is not dealing well at all. He's prtending it's just going to go away. His dad is working with him and in time he will come around I'm sure. Awww...just got to keep the faith and be strong. Hope you have a good week...man the weekend is already gone! Maybe my test results will come back earlier than they said...hope...hope...hope..ha!
Sue

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