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Not a bad cancer, so husband left me

teresamc
Posts: 5
Joined: Jan 2008

Well, all through my treatment my husband was about 4 hours from me because he got a new job and we couldn't afford to move. He heard so many times "it's the cancer you want" and "it's not a bad cancer" that I feel he started to think I wasn't really sick. He also didn't see me during the treatments.

So I found out he cheated on me right after my 131, he says of me having cancer and the fact that there is still a cyst on my artery that they cannot remove, it is in operable

"you'd be sick whether you were with me or not"

Also during the news of him cheating I got the news that I have skin cancer.

So, anyway, the person he cheated on me is an alcoholic like him, he did tell me he left her. Then we bought a house near where he worked, and our daughters who are in college helped us move over xmas, 12 days later he was with her when I had to go to an appointment our daughter took me to since he missed so much work to move us. Then he came home, then about a week later he deserted me.

So, I almost wish I hadn't lived, at first I thought life is a gift, now I am here alone and it is terrible, I know no one for a 4 hour drive.

What do you think of this? I am a mess.

grateful1
Posts: 81
Joined: Jun 2010

MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN DEVOTED TO ME SO I CAN'T RELATE ON THAT PART. HOWEVER, I MOVED BEFORE I GOT CANCER. AT FIRST IT WAS OK BECUZ WE WOULD GO INTO NYC AS WE KNEW PEOPLE THERE. MY DAUGHTER GOES TO THE LOCAL PRIVATE HIGH SCHOOL--THE PUBLIC ONE IS TERRIBLE AS THIS IS BASICALLY A COMMUTER STOP THAT DOESN'T CARE ABOUT EDUCATION.

ANYWAY THE KIDS COME FROM OVER A HUNDRED TOWNS TO HER SCHOOLS. MOMS ARE NICE BUT NEVER GET TOGETHER. I AM VERY LONELY HERE NOW THAT I AM SHUT IN BETWEEN A MUSCLE DISORDER AND THE CANCER WHICH IS INOPERABLE AND A HEART PROBLEM THEY FOUND, ETC.

I WENT TO MY OLD TOWN TO SEE TWO DOCTORS AND I FELT SO HAPPY THAT DAY. I KNEW PEOPLE. PEOPLE HUGGED ME AND CARED ABOUT ME. SO I KNOW YOUR FEELING OF LONLINESS. MY SIXTEEN YEAR OLD DECIDED SHE WANTED TO GO TO BOARDING SCHOOL AN HOUR AWAY AS SHE HATES THIS URBAN ENVIRONMENT. SO I HAVE MY SEVENTEEN YR OLD ONE MORE YEAR AND THEN SHE IS OFF TO COLLEGE. I IDENTIFY WITH YOUR LONLINESS. IT IS HARD TO GET THRU THE EMPTY DAYS IN THIS TOWNHOUSE. OF COURSE, I KNOW YOUR CASE IS DOUBLY UNBEARABLE OR WORSE BECAUSE OF YOUR HUSBAND. I JUST WANTED TO SEND A HUG YOUR WAY. I AM GOING TO TRY TO START A BOOK CLUB OR SOMETHING. I DON'T PLAY CARDS. IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN JOIN. I AM GOING TO TRY TO JOIN A CHURCH. I CAN ONLY GO OUT ABOUT ONCE A WEEK BECAUSE OF THE MUSCLES. BUT DON'T GIVE UP. YOU DO HAVE CHILDREN AND MUCH TO LIVE FOR. YOU JUST MAY NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS YET. WHEN I GOT MY MUSCLE DISEASE IN MY TWENTIES--THE NURSE TOLD ME ALL THE HUSBANDS LEFT THEIR WIVES. BUT LOOK AT MEREDITH VIERA--HER HUSBAND HAS MS, IS LEGALLY BLIND AND HAD CANCER. SHE MAY GIVE UP HER JOB TO CARE FOR HIM. MAYBE YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE REALLY NICE. IT ONLY TAKES ONE OR TWO GOOD PEOPLE. MEANWHIE TURN TO THE INTERNET. GOOD LUCK.

gptm
Posts: 11
Joined: Jul 2010

Thank you so much for your reply. It sounds like besides the husband issue you are facing what I am. I also go to where I lived before being deserted for my appointments and it makes me feel so much better.

There are so many hi tech things now, it is hard to find people and things to do anymore. It isn't like when I was younger. I am 54. I feel so lost, like the world has titled strangly, I even cry when I see the neighborhood kids playing. I feel like my family and marriage was a dream.

I tried a church but it isn't like my old church, and then there are couples there.

I am so sorry you got a muscle disease, I also have a heart condition. So I have two cancers and my heart and he did this. I just can't believe it, I have been true to him since 1979 not even a cup of coffee with another man nothing, true to him. I always thought marriage was your safe haven to be yourself, to be loved, to have support to grow and go through life with a partner. I am so devasted now, I wonder why God had me live.

We both seem to have daughters that are excelling and want an education, that is good isn't it, we did it right, the Mommy thing. I sure love them, I do have them. He doesn't even have them, he has no contact, he does not contact them, so they feel they have no Dad anymore, at this point they don't want him to know where they are.

How do you start a bookclub? If you start it and it is online I would like to join.

I love Meredith Viera, I had no idea her marriage was like that. She is rock solid as I am.

I still want him to come home, I feel like an idiot now, so many people think I should not want him back.

Thank you so much for replying.

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