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scared and lonely

jat123
Posts: 6
Joined: Jul 2010

I just lost my partner and best friend to cancer and I am having trouble finding the strength to go on. I depended on him for so much and I am feeling so empty and useless. I am terrified that I have to face my future without him. How do I find a reason to go on? I don't have children of my own and don't live near any family. I do have some good neighbors but I don't want to be a pest so I keep mostly to myself and cry.

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello jat123
You are not alone here. We will always be here for you. I lost my dad to cancer in March. I am lucky that I have my mom, husband, daughter, and other family here with me. I also have a wonderful church family that I lean on often. Reach out to those neighbors, bet they are feeling the same way...she just wants to be left alone now. When really you want to be with them! Call a friend. Look for a support group in your area. Do not let that dark cloud of depression hang over you for too long. Keep in touch we are here.
Tina

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Double post

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

You are not alone. There are many here who have lost a loved one. I lost my husband of 42 years in October. Those first few weeks I really felt lost. I do have sons who are wonderful, but they go home and go on with their own lives as it should be, but that leaves me in an empty house. Little by little, I have been able to move forward. I can assure you that what you are feeling is part of your new normal. It is so scary. I got so depressed for a few days I did almost nothing except eat jellybeans and vinegar potato chips. Not a wonderful combination. We have to take little baby steps. Give yourself permission to grieve in your way and your time. Maybe you could suggest dinner or lunch out with the neighbors. They are probably looking for ways to help you. I can't tell you that time will make it better, but it does make it easier. Hold on to all the good memories, and take care of yourself. Come here when you need support. Fay

jat123
Posts: 6
Joined: Jul 2010

Thank you Tina and Fay for your comforting words. I have reached out to my neighbors and they have been wonderful. I am going to join their church and my neighbor has offered to attend grief counseling sessions there with me. She even sat with me for hours while I talked and cried. Her husband has offered to help me with any maintenance and repairs. That has helped to make me feel a little better but I still keep hoping that I will wake up and find this was just a horrible nightmare. I feel like I have been punched in the stomach and I have frequent headaches. I don't like to take pills so I don't want to go to a doctor and be put on medication. I don't have medical insurance right now anyway. Hopefully time will heal. Thanks again.

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Dear Jat123
Happy for you! I was so glad to read that you did go to your neighbors, and that you are going to be going to their church. Praise the Lord. And grief counseling. Wonderful. The grieving process does take at least a year, so give yourself plenty of time. Keep up the good work, and keep in touch. Remember we are all in the same boat, and we are all here for eachother. Peace.
Tina

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I haven't been posting much because I am away from home. I am glad you reached out to the neighbors. They sound very nice. My church community of faith has really been helpful for me. We had been very active members and kept everyone informed as we went through chemo, etc. We felt their prayers. They have also been there for me. Grieving is a process. It takes time and time helps. We still feel the hurt and loneliness. I think it will always be there for me. Yet we have to move forward and accept our loss. It you haven't already, I suggest you check out the grief and bereavement thread on this board. There is a group of us that are sharing there. I think you can relate to us. Take care, Fay

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